So, T comes back from his vacation tomorrow, and I see him at 5.

I've had a lot of fear/anxiety/unsafe feelings while he has been gone. I think partly because I am allowing myself to be in touch with how I am feeling instead of shutting down while he's gone, and partly because a series of triggering events happened (although I can't remember ANY of them right now except going to see a movie yesterday - that is my #1 trigger but I have managed to see a few movies since starting therapy - yesterday, I was POSITIVE I was going to die the entire time. Blah)

ANYHOW, last night I dreamt about T. I dreamt that I had told him a lie, and that I wanted to start therapy over again and tell him the truth about everything. When I woke up I actually checked in with myself - HAD I told him a lie? - and no, I haven't. But I did tell a big lie once when I was 13 that I have told T about, and it has kind of haunted me since then. I thought I was SO over that, it was one of the first things I told T, and the FIRST e-mail he ever sent me was a super caring e-mail about what 13 year-old-me needed and deserved and how it made so much sense that I had to lie back then.

Then, in the dream, we were doing therapy (outside, by a boat house near a river) and T kept writing in a book. He NEVER takes notes in session and it was bugging me, but he wouldn't tell me what he was writing down. I finally saw the front of the book and it was something like "Dissociative Identity Disorder Workbook for Identifying Different Selves". In real life (not dream land), I constantly change position in T...in my dream he was writing down what I said when I was laying down, sitting up, switching chairs...as a means to identify my different "selves".

T dreams are so weird. I had a dream about him before my last session too...I decided it was about being afraid to get better (I can't even remember the dream now!)

So, I guess I'll have something to talk to him about tomorrow. Besides my big anxiety/fear while he was gone. Hope his back is feeling okay

[MissCharlotte]

((Tree))

So glad you get to reunite with T tomorrow!!!!

I think that when we have been apart from T we lose touch with parts of ourselves. I think you might be looking forward to reconnecting with T because it reconnects you with you (all of you...)

Let us know how it goes.

I like MissC's interpretation.

Enjoy reconnecting with your T tomorrow, Tree!!

[Kiya]

Hm! Interesting dream! Yeah, that would be a good T topic. ***hugs***