does your T ever contact you without you asking for it?

Austin-T sent me a text yesterday just to say good luck for my exam and that he knew i would do well. i want to tell him thank you when i see him next week, but of course that would mean it meant something to me, and he's not allowed to know that .

just wondering if other Ts do this. pdoc doesn't call/reply unless i ask him to, and even then sometimes it doesn't happen.

i feel weird that someone cared about something as small as my exam and remembered it and told me good luck. also a few weeks ago he said he would come to my graduation. it is nice but i feel really sad also.

A couple of years ago my therapist finally got me to go see a doctor for just a routine physical exam. I am deathly afraid of doctors. She encouraged me to go and even spoke with the doctor she had recomended in advance to let the doctor know of my terrible anxiety. Anyways, I went to the exam and after the exam I had some blood work done. Well my therapist called when I was having the bloodtests but I didn't know. She left a voice message for me on my cell phone. She said she was just checking in and wanted to know how my doctor visit went and that if i wanted to call her back I could. That was the nicest thing, I did not expect her to call me but she did and I have saved that voice message ever since. I know she cares alot.

((((((((((((((((deli))))))))))))))))

It feels good when T remembers the things that are going on in our lives outside of our sessions. A few weeks ago T left me a message (that I had asked for) and said "have fun at guitar lessons tomorrow" and it felt good that he knew I had guitar on Wednesdays.

T has only contacted me (without me asking first) twice since I started therapy with him - maybe three times. All three times have been when I have been in a crisis of some sort. It felt good that he was thinking about me and called to make sure I was okay.

Isn't it weird to feel cared for??

Well she called about the email I sent, but that's a bit different.

The first time I had a meeting with the early intervention team, my psychologist called me the day before to see if I was ok with it and how I was feeling. After I had it, she told me before she left that she would call just to check I was ok

It's nice that she really does care.

My T called me once when I missed 2 sessions because I was sick with the flu. The only other time she called me was to change an appointment. I thought there was some sort of "rule" about not intiating contact with clients. My T doesn't follow all of the rules but in this case she does. Oh, another time I left her a message and didn't say to call, but she did anyway. So, she's called me without my asking about 3 times in 6 years.

Very occasionally, but I love it when she does (I tend to see it as a sign of her reaching out and wanting to connect with me, which really helps when I'm having doubts).

I try really hard not to expect it though and so far I haven't. One time she called to wish me good luck before a big life event. A few times she's called after I left a session upset - I think she thinks it can be resolved more easily via phone than over days of emails, and I don't call her, so I guess she's decided she'll have to call me. I never like to take up her time on the phone, so these calls are usually pretty short.

Again, I really like it but try not to expect it (ex. thinking 'if she really cared then she would call...' - that thinking would cause big problems for me).

My T emailed me once while she was away on vacation to check and see how I was. I was surprised but I liked it, told her that it was thoughtful of her or something along those lines.

She emailed me about a yoga retreat that she thought I would be interested in, it kinda surprised me. I never mentioned it though to her.

But normally, with all of other T's, they don't contact me without me asking.

I wish she would.

I think she believes in making the client ask for what they need. Unless I ask, she doesn't contact me.

I get what she is doing....but I wish sometimes she would worry about me enough to check in with me.

Today in session she asked about parental transference....so maybe that's why I am whining right now LOL

My T has called me a couple of times to see how I'm doing when I've been in a real crisis. It felt weird, but nice.

--splitimage

My T has never contacted me. There are times when i have left a session upset, but I don't think my T knew how upset I was until I mentioned it the next session. I sometimes wonder if my T wonders how I am doing. The last session I had I was hoping it wouldl be light because my T is going on vacation for a couple weeks, but of course it was an emotiional session and a lot of feelings came up. My T asked if I was looking forward to a couple of weeks off and to tell you the truth I can't remember what I said probably the typical it will be a busy time for me. My underlying meaning is don't worry about me I can do it on my own. Now I wish I had been honest and said I would miss the support. Why can't I be honest and show my vulnerability. It was push away time. There are times when I wish my T would check up and see how I am doing. I wonder how honest I would be on the phone.
Just wondering is there a rule that therapist are not suppose to initiate contact?

My T has called me a few times unbidden. Once was within an hour of my session, telling me he might be a bit late and not to worry, he would be there very soon. I liked that. Another couple of times were when he had to rearrange our scheduled time, and that was before we did email, so he had to call me. Now he would email me for that kind of thing.

I remember one time I had a surgery planned and it was kind of a big deal, I had never been knocked unconscious for a surgery and I didn't know what they would find inside of me--cancer was a possibility. During my session, I told T about my upcoming surgery and I guess I kind of hoped he would remember and contact me beforehand to wish me well. Or something. But he didn't. It just isn't his role. I was still learning about his role back then.

Occasionally he will email me out of the blue, usually some business type thing. When I email or call him, he often will not respond. So one time he emailed me and I didn't much like the content of his email, so I didn't respond. That felt really good.

In general, when we have had to talk on the phone about something more than just rescheduling, I am not forthcoming. I don't "put out" on the phone. T's attempts at empathy over the phone seem really lame and I push them away.

I had once sent my school counselor an email about an issue I was having. I wanted to schedule an appt with her. She had called me when she got the message and said, I thought it would be better for me to call you. I was so surpised she did that because I didn't ask her to. It's amazing what little things like that can do.

She asked how I was doing and then told me she would be away for a couple weeks but that she would love to meet with me when she returned.

She had also offered to go to my moms funeral. I thought that was very sweet of her. I never had her come though lol......you know cause I have to pretend like I don't really need people.

Yes once she did, to see how I was doing. It was so unexpected and I appreciated it so much.

Deli, I've never had it happen. My understanding is that it's uncommon in the way you mention. Calling about appointments, etc. is usual;, but not your type of supportive way.

I know in the apst it was almost verboten for T's to do, and I've never heard of it happening to anyone I know IRL.

I think it shows that Austin-T really likes and cares about you.

aye . thank you for bringing this up (((notme))). i think because i have pdoc and Austin-T, i kind of do compare both of them a lot. i think i had fallen into this trap a bit when i first posted this thread. "pdoc doesn't care..." and i was feeling a bit down. but i'm trying to remind myself that they seem to work really differently, and pdoc does care - he's just more by the book than Austin-T.

thank you, impy.

yeah - pdoc/Austin-T call all the time re: appts, schedules etc. pdoc has also called before when i have been in crisis & he found out through old-T.

i think there have been 2 occassions where pdoc called out of the blue and i wasn't expecting it (and wasn't in full blown crisis). once was when i stopped going for about 5 weeks, and he called to see what was up. he seemed pretty cautious too (told me he's never followed up anyone else, but he was just wondering, and it was ok if i didnt want to come back... but blah blah blah) so maybe he's been schooled not to initiate contact.

the other time was 2 weeks ago, however - he just called to offer me a session (he had cancelled our normal time, but we had agreed i didnt need to rescedule, so i was surprised), and then gave me a bit of a pep talk re: uni. so i guess that was nice.

i find all of this stuff to be weird, to be honest. i like really black/white boundaries, even if they aren't that great for me. but Austin-T pretty much txts all the time now (not frivolously, but if i reply to something he says he always has the final word, lol) and pdoc was nice and i'm confused. it's nice, but i wonder why they are doing it.

i agree that i thought it was off-limits. old-T said he would never call me if i didnt come back, and he never did (even though a part of me wishes he had so i could've had that final closure). so old-T is alienating, but this is.... confusing. i dont know. just rambling now, i guess.

This is a bit how it is when T contacts me without me contacting him first. He always comes up with what seems like a really weird and fake "reason" to call (like, "I was just going over my schedule and wanted to confirm that you're coming at 9 on Thursday" - when I just confirmed with him at my appt AND I go at 9 every single Thursday!) and then he'll follow that up with a lot of "how are you doing" and questions that are clearly designed to assess where I'm at right then. I know both times he called were times he was really concerned I was going to do some serious harm to myself.

I remember when I started therapy, I wanted him to call me SO badly to see how I was doing. I didn't understand at all how therapy worked, and I couldn't understand how he could know I was suffering so much and not check in with me. When we had our first big rupture, early in therapy, he told me at the next appt, "I worried about you a lot this weekend", and I started to kind of "get it". He might think about me, maybe even worry about me, but it was up to ME to reach out so he could reach back.

I'm probably a little TOO good at that now

Yes. And it really means a lot when she does. She'll even call and talk to my hubby if he is going through a hard time (like the recent suicide) and she feels she could offer some help.

Were you OK with them they talking about you like that? I don't like to think that people talk about me "behind my back." One time I sent a rather desperate email to my lawyer and fairly soon after that, T called me. L had either called or emailed him and told him everything. I hated that--if I had wanted T to know, I would have contacted him myself. I remember he said, "why didn't you call me?" Silence. I want to tell him sometime that I would never depend on him in a moment of crisis because he is undependable. If I called or emailed him and he didn't respond, I would feel even more like c**p. There was another time I both called and emailed him because I had to talk to him about something important, that was time-sensitive. And he finally called back and said, "thank you for reaching out to me." He confuses me with all that. If he can say stuff like "why didn't you call me?" and "thanks for reaching out to me", then why doesn't he respond to phone calls and emails? If he wants me to contact him, then why isn't he responsive? Therapy is way too confusing for me at times.

Deli, I think it is really really nice you have a T who sends you text messages.