[Yoda]

Something is very, very wrong with me. Not sure what. I saw my family doc and asked to check BUN/creat and liver enzymes and those are reportedly normal. This doesn't "feel" psychiatric but could well be a side effect of my meds. Emailed shrink and he wants to admit me for evaluation. Awaiting his response to see if this is his weekend. If not I am requesting to delay admit until Mon when he is on. So... dunno how long I will be home.

My mood has been good. Well at least up until I had a harrowing telephone call today with the IRS today for an hour and fifteen minutes. Short story. I was misinformed when I appropriated funds from my retirement to pay last three years of mortgage and put new roof on house. I am so screwed.

But as always at least my life is never boring. That's life, I suppose. You solve one problem and a new one appears. I think the only way to not have problems is to be dead so I will forge on. And when I am dead you can say she loved life and she had the most wonderful horse in the world. What a lucky girl she was. I hope you don't have to say that soon but you never know what life will deal you so I live one day at a time.

Dang I am just getting to know some of you and then I have to leave for awhile. Carry on and I will see soon, I hope, and hopefully I will be healthier.

I leave you with one of my favorite pictures to keep you smiling until I return.

Yoda

Wow! I'm sorry to hear this. But if it's what you need and it's helpful then go for it! We'll be waiting for you.
My shrink told me the same thing but I said "I have no more excuses left" as to why I should go inpatient.

Do you really have a horse?

[Yoda]

Yeah I know what you mean. The psych hospital is not my idea of fun but I certainly do need some assessment and a new plan.

Yes, I have had my horse since December 1999. I had ponies as a child and a quite feisty Quarter/Arab gelding as an early teen. Back then I liked the spunky horses as I had no fear but now that I am an old fart I like calm slow horses. My horse is a standardbred, ya know, the race horses that trot or pace with a sulky behind them. I have found that the pace is not a comfortable gait to ride in a saddle so we just take things at a walk usually. Oh I could talk all day about my horse. He is now twenty-two years old and his name is Dusty. When he is out in the field I sing-song his name and he nickers and comes to greet me. Such a sweet boy. He loves all fruit that I have ever offered. Watermelon, kiwi, bananas, peaches, all of them. He also is quite fond of jelly donuts. He likes bread with jelly too. And blueberry muffins. He likes carrots too but he doesn't like them cold so I microwave them to warm them up for him. Are you starting to get that he is spoiled?

When I was looking for a horse I knew he was the one for me. I watched him as he walked alongside his then owner. He walked beside him and when his owner stopped Dusty stopped. When his owner walked Dusty walked. No commands or anything. He was a very perceptive, amiable horse and I knew we would be friends.

He truly has been the only thing that has helped me keep my sanity. Back when life was really rough and I had been beaten yet again I would go out to the barn and sit quietly in his stall and he would put his head in my lap as if he understood that I needed him. We need each other, I think. My mom just doesn't understand the bond I have with my horse. Just yesterday she told me I should sell my horse and move into a condo. Say what?!! My horse and I will be together until one of us dies. He is my forever horse. A condo? Geez. I love my farm. Even though some really terrible things happened to me here I named my farm, Almost Paradise Farm. The wondrous beauty of my relationship with my horse soothes away all the pain. Am I not the luckiest girl in the world to have Dusty?

[Pup]

If it'll help go for it.
I was sectioned and it's not fun.
I had a bad experience.
But that's just my personal experience.

[Catherine2]

Originally Posted by Yoda

Something is very, very wrong with me. Not sure what. I saw my family doc and asked to check BUN/creat and liver enzymes and those are reportedly normal. This doesn't "feel" psychiatric but could well be a side effect of my meds. Emailed shrink and he wants to admit me for evaluation. Awaiting his response to see if this is his weekend. If not I am requesting to delay admit until Mon when he is on. So... dunno how long I will be home.

Yoda, I know this is tough on you and I'm so sorry...
It took courage for you to ask for the delay if your shrink isn't available until Monday...I salute you for being proactive in your care.
Jme, but side effects of meds can be messy. Two of mine have high blood pressure as possible ones...guess who is now on BP pills. I haven't tinkled so much in years.
Things like this don't always happen...it can be listed as a side effect if 12 people out of two thousand experience it . However, there is an increased chance of side effects if a patient is on more than one drug.
At our age, our liver may not metabolize drugs like it used to do...
Jme/jmo, of course

My mood has been good. Well at least up until I had a harrowing telephone call today with the IRS today for an hour and fifteen minutes. Short story. I was misinformed when I appropriated funds from my retirement to pay last three years of mortgage and put new roof on house. I am so screwed.
Perhaps they will work out a payment plan for you? Years ago I had to do it. I might have eaten beans for two weeks but that payment was not late. It's also possible you can negotiate for a smaller amount to be repaid...
But as always at least my life is never boring. That's life, I suppose. You solve one problem and a new one appears. I think the only way to not have problems is to be dead so I will forge on. And when I am dead you can say she loved life and she had the most wonderful horse in the world. What a lucky girl she was. I hope you don't have to say that soon but you never know what life will deal you so I live one day at a time.
Good attitude, Yoda, good attitude.
Your humor is nearly as warped as mine!
Dang I am just getting to know some of you and then I have to leave for awhile. Carry on and I will see soon, I hope, and hopefully I will be healthier.
We'll wait for you...
Please let us know what happens if you don't mind sharing.
I leave you with one of my favorite pictures to keep you smiling until I return.
Nice picture and thank you for sharing it.
This tiny kitty most likely gave this young man hope, helped him feel like a human being again and not a soldier whose guard has to be set on High.

In Peace

Yoda

My very best wishes for a quick resolution to this problem, Yoda.

[Yoda]

Thank you, Catherine2. Yeah I agree that our organs are getting old so that was why I asked for the kidney and liver labs. After twenty years as a critical care nurse I developed the skill to communicate my thoughts/concerns/criticisms clearly to the thoracic surgeons and cardiologists and that was not work for the timid. I have no problem refusing to follow orders when they do not meet the standards of care and could be deleterious. I am not shy and I have good self esteem so professional conflicts don't bother me. I am cordial until the pissy surgeons start throwing trays and scalpels at me and then I report their dead beat asses. Wow it sounds like I am full of conflict but normally I solved things peacefully. It was gratifying when I had become a respected expert nurse and when new nurses (as in only a year or two critical experience) would give their assessments to the surgeons and the surgeons would say get Debbie on the phone. I want to hear how critical she thinks the situation is. I miss working so much.

I am studying to renew my license and ultimately I want to go to grad school to be a CRNA. My mind is ready but my body is falling apart so I hope I can hold together to do that.

Boy I am windy tonight. Hypomania perhaps.

[Pomegranate]

Good luck (((((Yoda))))))! I hope you get yourself all fixed up and back at home quickly - Dusty will miss you. I love that pic btw.

[Catherine2]

[quote=Yoda;1099579]Thank you, Catherine2. Yeah I agree that our organs are getting old so that was why I asked for the kidney and liver labs. After twenty years as a critical care nurse I developed the skill to communicate my thoughts/concerns/criticisms clearly to the thoracic surgeons and cardiologists and that was not work for the timid. I have no problem refusing to follow orders when they do not meet the standards of care and could be deleterious. I am not shy and I have good self esteem so professional conflicts don't bother me. I am cordial until the pissy surgeons start throwing trays and scalpels at me and then I report their dead beat asses. Wow it sounds like I am full of conflict but normally I solved things peacefully. It was gratifying when I had become a respected expert nurse and when new nurses (as in only a year or two critical experience) would give their assessments to the surgeons and the surgeons would say get Debbie on the phone. I want to hear how critical she thinks the situation is. I miss working so much.
Oh I love this, Yoda!
Nurses know the way around some of the BS...
Initially mine was as a veteran psych nurse. Clara was a good friend of mine.
Medical retirement from health issues helped me focus on being my own advocate...it sounds as though you were so much more gracious than me.
I do not back down when faced with an egomaniac. My ortho is one; superb technique, total lack of respect for his patient.
My last check up he noticed I had not shaved my legs...considering how long I had been sick, shaving my legs was not at the top of my energy drainers.
He made his asinine comment, I responded by asking him if he had shaved his for my appt.
I am studying to renew my license and ultimately I want to go to grad school to be a CRNA. My mind is ready but my body is falling apart so I hope I can hold together to do that.
It was with sorrow that I stopped re license and credentials. no more CMEs, nothing. There was no way I could be part of a four point restraint...
Boy I am windy tonight. Hypomania perhaps
I've had that problem after drinking a coke...oh, sorry. I see you didn't mean that kind of wind.

[Yoda]

Pomegrante, thank you. You are so right. Dusty will miss me. I will be missing him too but I cut a lock of his tail to take with me to comfort me. One day I will have it made into a bracelet but for now just stroking his tail makes me feel that I have him with me and it soothes me.

Catherine2, You are a hoot, girl. The comment about your hairy legs had me rolling. Oddly enough when I went to see my family doc I asked him to assess my knees because I had pain right up their with labor pains and Tylenol 3 didn't do a damn thing. I have what was once called chondromalacia but if I have it right I think it is now called patellofemoral syndrome or something like that. I dunno, I researched a bit before I went in but not lots. Anything way to make a short story long I also didn't feel like shaving my legs and I thought if he said something I would say I grew up in the seventies and I am just a good ole hippy girl. But he was a gentleman and ignored my failing. Too funny about your response to your rude doc. I like your spirit.

[googley]

((((((Yoda)))))

I hope you get what you need!

[Miracle1986]

(((((Yoda)))))
We will miss you!!

[eskielover]

Hi Yoda,

I poked my nose into your thread to see how you were doing with the hospitalization & your comment about your horse GRABBED me.......then your description of your relationship with him is the greatest......no way could you ever give up your farm or your Dusty. I know what you mean about your horse being the only thing in life that keeps you going.

I am going through the whole missing thing with my horse & don't think I can take it much more. Two years ago, I moved from California to Kentucky when I bought my farm here after my Mother died. Initial plans with husband changed & I ended up leaving him which messed up everything financially.......so now, the reason I came here to have my horses with me instead of boarding hasn't happened yet.....I am sitting in an unfinished farm here in KY & my horses are still boarded in California. I have a 31 year old throrougbred bay gelding.....my first horse.....got him when I first started having my anxiety/depression problems at the age of 43. After being an aerospace firmware engineer for 15 years when I could afford to have a horse, I got him after my career fell apart....& they told me to get into something I had always loved.......HORSES....dressage......then came Mister....he was always there, we would ride for hours. I ended up leasing him out when I was in the hospital a lot...& not able to ride that much.....but anytime I had a chance, I was out at the ranch & we were riding......got him when he was 16. At 31, he is going mostly blind......we went throuth an accident on a trail ride....felt like I had let him down when he stumbled & fell...& I went down too....nothing worse than a concussion for me, but he gashed his leg, needing stitches about 10"x2" ouch. However, I also have 2 other horses. My mare & her filly (think now that she is 5 in September, not sure if she is still called a filly or what?) I never got to know my mare that well except through all her pregnancies......I feel so bad for all the ones she has lost....but she has the one that will always be my baby......I had such a hard time with my mares pregnancies, that when she had a live one....it made it all the way through & was ok.....I called her "Itssabout Tyme".....better known as Izzabelle or Izzy. I have been with her since she was 1 hour old....getting the call that my mare had the baby....I was at the ranch in a flash.....Izzy & I have been buddies & soul mates from the beginning...once I stopped her from hiding behind Mommy & wouldn't let her get away with it. She would lay with her head on my lap for hours.....I would just sit there petting her & telling her how wonderful she was. At 3 weeks old, somehow she got out of the turn out pen she was in with Disco & got her leg cut, down to the bone.....vet came out the next morning & we got it all fixed & I had months of care I had to do for it to heal......this was right at the time when I started here at PC....my Mom had cancer & I was caring for her as she was dying.......went through a trauma with the home care person.......my foal was the only thing that was keeping me going ........I ended up in the medical hospital from the stress....had caused me to loose so much weight...I was really sick......about a month in the hospital that winter trying to stay alive myself.....but the only thing I could think of was my filly & wanting to be with her.

It was so wonderful when I was weak, but able to be with her again.....her soft nuzzle greeting was the best healing in the world. Know if it wasn't for her, getting through what I went through would have been impossible....as my goal everyday was to go play & work with her & bond more & more. We had her wolf teeth pulled just before her 1st birthday....they saw some spots in her throat....vet came out & scoped her......she is the best horse to do anything with....in was pretty much healed up & then she came down with strangles....(maybe that was what it was in the first place????)

On top of that, she was out in the field with other young fillies & got kicked, so I had a lump I was putting DMSO on ......that healed up farily quickly & so did her strangles.

I had been triggered by the new husband at the ranch where I had been keeping my horses & decided to move them. then in spring 2007, I moved to KY. Went back to California in the fall for Izzy's 3rd birthday. I decided to move her back to the other ranch & get some training to see how she would be cause I knew she was special but at the other ranch, the lady didn't get along with her (think he was intimidated by her size.....my gentle giant.....that wanted to play & get into things just like the little kid she was). This lady allowed some new horses into her ranch that had been around a new strain of strangles unknown to me, Izzy had been exposed to it....& when I moved her back to the ranch she was born at, she brought the strangles & about 14 other horses got it....what a mess. I was caring for her & had her tied to the pipe railing in her stall. Must have hit a sore spot.....she jerked back then slammed me into the pipe railing several times.....then she just stood there looking at me. My head was pretty sore as I was sorting through if there was any real damage.....I couldn't untie her lead rope so I told her to relax, & move closer.....so I could unhook the lead rope.....as soon as I did, she came over to me & started nuzzling me to see if I was ok......I gave her hugs & petting her to let her know it was all ok. Never could imagine that a horse would care about how I was after she was the one who was hurting......she is just the most special horse I could ever have dreamed of having.....never in my imagination had I ever dreamed I would have a horse starting from birth.....I love her so much. She has been in training in California since she recovered from her strangles....about 1 1/2 years now.....wanted to make sure I had a solid horse to ride......have since gotten into trail riding here in KY & looking forward to getting her here. I will be leaving Mister in California.....don't think at the age of 31, blind & with arthritis, he would make the 2200 mile trip very well. He is so happy at the ranch where he knows his way around.......I wouldn't want to do anything to hurt him just to bring him here. Disco even though I don't ride her, after she lost her last foal 2 years ago, she has become attached to Izzy & can't stand to be away from her, so Disco & Izzy are the 2 I am planning on bring here to KY with me. She is my giant horse for sure.....at the age of 5, she is now 17.2 hands..........not one I will be able to get off on while on the trail & have a way to get back up, but reports are that she is the most sensible trail horse....doesn't spook at anything.....I know how blessed I am to have her.....knew she was special from the moment she was born. I know that wonderful feeling you talked about when you sat there with your horses head in your lap......& having they talk to you when you sing their name.....I truly believe there is nothing more special than the bond between us & our horse(s). No way would life be good without them (or even bearable).

I really enjoy hearing about you & your horse......am all ears. I am sure you have many wonderful experiences.

Hope they can find out what med change you need, or at least, find the solution to what your problem is, so you can get in & out of the hospital quickly.

Take care.
Debbie (yes, Debbie.....another Debbie horse lover)

Originally Posted by Yoda

Yeah I know what you mean. The psych hospital is not my idea of fun but I certainly do need some assessment and a new plan.

Yes, I have had my horse since December 1999. I had ponies as a child and a quite feisty Quarter/Arab gelding as an early teen. Back then I liked the spunky horses as I had no fear but now that I am an old fart I like calm slow horses. My horse is a standardbred, ya know, the race horses that trot or pace with a sulky behind them. I have found that the pace is not a comfortable gait to ride in a saddle so we just take things at a walk usually. Oh I could talk all day about my horse. He is now twenty-two years old and his name is Dusty. When he is out in the field I sing-song his name and he nickers and comes to greet me. Such a sweet boy. He loves all fruit that I have ever offered. Watermelon, kiwi, bananas, peaches, all of them. He also is quite fond of jelly donuts. He likes bread with jelly too. And blueberry muffins. He likes carrots too but he doesn't like them cold so I microwave them to warm them up for him. Are you starting to get that he is spoiled?

When I was looking for a horse I knew he was the one for me. I watched him as he walked alongside his then owner. He walked beside him and when his owner stopped Dusty stopped. When his owner walked Dusty walked. No commands or anything. He was a very perceptive, amiable horse and I knew we would be friends.

He truly has been the only thing that has helped me keep my sanity. Back when life was really rough and I had been beaten yet again I would go out to the barn and sit quietly in his stall and he would put his head in my lap as if he understood that I needed him. We need each other, I think. My mom just doesn't understand the bond I have with my horse. Just yesterday she told me I should sell my horse and move into a condo. Say what?!! My horse and I will be together until one of us dies. He is my forever horse. A condo? Geez. I love my farm. Even though some really terrible things happened to me here I named my farm, Almost Paradise Farm. The wondrous beauty of my relationship with my horse soothes away all the pain. Am I not the luckiest girl in the world to have Dusty?