Her giving me that book has me weirded out. I just am wondering what she is trying to convey to me. She said it might help with what I am feeling about me and my 1st T, the connection I feel with him.

I know she has a platonic soul mate too, and I am just wondering how much of this book she believes in. I have wondered for over 25 years what that feeling I have with 3 people that has been in my life, one my 1st T and the others are no longer with us.

At first I was relieved to know what I feel others have felt even back to Plato times. But now I feel rather surreal reading this book about it, it is almost something I could have written with things in my life. I feel like reading this book as shifted something within me. Maybe change isn't comfortable but if feels so significant on her giving me this book.

Plus all weekend, her name keeps coming up in some of the online games I have been playing on facebook, farmtown, yoville.

It is just all weird and instead of working on my school work, this stuff has been on my mind a lot. I feel so confused.

I don't normally call her, but I do have a desire to talk to her about this. I have tried just sitting with my feelings on this for a few days, but I still feel very unsettled. Plus the disclosure and the trust in her giving me this book to help me makes me scared too, It is too much closeness for me right now.I want to back away and take a few weeks off in therapy. (I know this is an issue to talk to her about but I just want to tell you all how I am feeling)

Somehow I just need to try to work on my stuff for school, my finals are this Mon. and Wed. but it is so hard to concentrate on that right now.

[chaotic13]

Exotic,

Although my situation is different, I just wanted to say I understand part of what your experiencing. Mainly the part where you gain some piece of information that causes a shift in your perspective, which then leads you to seeing many things differently. I also get how it feeling when it seems like where ever you turn..SOMETHING (a person's name, etc) it there. When this happens to me I'm compelled to seek an answer. Like a pitbull pursuing a robber's leg. Everything else becomes irrelevant.

Exactly Chaotic!

Actually that is what the book is about, how when you see something or someone over and over that we should take notice because it could mean something. And I am totally like a pitbull and have been since my relationship with my first T. I am like WHAT is this?

Now my T might have led me to WHAT it IS possibly and now my head feels like it is spinning on many levels.

First of all there is her disclosure because it seems obvious that she must get what I am feeling (well she says she does) and gives me this book that she says explains this and more and it leaves me wondering who she REALLY is. What significance is this book to her.
Then there is a part of the book that talks about people have changed their lives because of this book and we should pass on the knowledge if it will help someone who is experiencing the synchronicity, feeling energy from people and living things and the draw of nature on our emotions (being one with nature).

It is one thing for a friend or relative to give one this book, but coming from a T makes things a lot more complicated. (It feels VERY personal) Well for one, there is this part of the book that talks about people coming into our lives at certain times where we should learn something from them. Well then this would be that my T was meant to come into my life for this reason. Makes sense since I have been searching for answers for years. But what makes it uncomfortable is that I am not sure if I want my T to be THAT important to me or me to be THAT important to her.

Maybe it has something to do with being hurt by my T's and other people in my life who I should be able to trust. Part of what makes therapy with her is that she keeps her boundaries and that makes me feel safe. But now I am feeling that me meeting my T might mean more than just me seeking therapy, it might be something spiritual and significant. Well if my 1st T hurt me so much because of a spiritual connection, will she too?
I guess I am also wondering what I mean to her because of this. Our relationship now feels muddy and that causes me to feel uncomfortable. (even if it could be something positive for me). Having someone THAT important and significant, ESPECIALLY a T, who can only have a limited relationship anyway, feels like I might be setting myself up for a huge amount of hurt when the therapy relationship ends.

I feel like hiding away from her right now.

Originally Posted by exoticflower

I guess I am also wondering what I mean to her because of this. Our relationship now feels muddy and that causes me to feel uncomfortable. (even if it could be something positive for me). Having someone THAT important and significant, ESPECIALLY a T, who can only have a limited relationship anyway, feels like I might be setting myself up for a huge amount of hurt when the therapy relationship ends.

I feel like hiding away from her right now.

((((((((((((((((((exoticflower)))))))))))))))))))

I am very cautious about boundaries in therapy too. I WANT T to have really firm boundaries. I like that he does.

I think it's really important not to assume ANYTHING about our relationship with T, or their feelings for us. Especially when we've had bad, boundary-breaking Ts in the past...I think it's really easy for us to assume that our new T relationship is going to be like our old one, and to freak ourselves out. I know I've done that, for sure.

Once, I really wanted to play Uno in session with T. I wanted to sit on the floor with him and just play. So, we did that during a session. I felt SO uncomfortable afterwards...because we were just two people for a little while, having fun and playing a game and joking around. It was probably a good, safe, bonding kind of moment , and absolutely no boundaries were crossed, but my mind turned it into something kind of scary.

SO. I talked to T about it. It was so uncomfortable, but I just took a breath braced myself and did it. I had to, or I would have been assuming all of these things about our relationship that may or may not have been true, and it would have completely derailed my therapy. T was so proud of me for talking to him about it, and in the end, I was so glad I did it.

If you are concerned about how T is seeing you and your relationship, can you ask her about it?? As scary as it is to talk about that kind of thing, in the end it might end up being less scary than all the places your mind can take you without knowing all of the facts.

Lots of to you!

Thanks Treehouse,

I will talk to her of course, I am sure I won't be able to hide my nonverbal when I walk into the room, she is SO aware of this stuff. It is hard because I am happy to have confirmation about stuff I have wondered about for so long, but to find out this way, which puts my T into my life in a significant way, scares me. Everyone in my life has abandoned me and I want to keep a wall around me.

It is like I want to say

T on this side Me on this side

or else I feel like doing this in our relationship or this or
this to feel safe.

I wish there was a hiding emotioncon

Originally Posted by exoticflower

I wish there was a hiding emotioncon

Here, try this bag...

That will work Treehouse!

It is like T gave me a big old can of worms with a smile on her face, knowing darn well it will stir up things or at least be significant. Well maybe she thought she was giving me some relief. I guess I will have to ask her, right.
I do know that, but feel I must confer with my expert psych central colleagues first. I do feel a little better by taking about it here.

[chaotic13]

My T and I have periodically exchanged our belief that there are no ( or very few) coincidences in this world. There have been several things that have happened over the past few years that have left me with this realization. There is no doubt in my mind that my choice of T was not just a random chance. Too many times have I realized that I've been in the exact place in excatly the right time. Also, I have no idea what my T is getting from interacting with me, but I think she was meant to interact with me as well.

chaotic,

Thanks so much for posting that. I do what to believe in it, so I have been trying to find proof for years that it is real. But you can't prove something spiritual, I think. That is what my T says about this situation.