physical reactivity to theraputic work

and boy am i in it up to my head. There's been a lot going on:
*t gone last week so naturally everything hits the fan
*did SoulCollage and it brought up a TON of stuff (as it is supposed to)
*shared it with t this week and more that i made
*anxiety meds got increased, and am adjusting
*t and new SoulCollage LCSW and I playing phone tag so i might see her next week
*t is gone again this next week (aka left today)
*t had to have me write up a "trauma history" for my SSDI rep. which i had to hand write because i was out of time to look for my former notes, so i got very triggered from this 2 page write up.
*gave it to t and she could tell i was struggling. asked me if i was ok and i said "Don't ask me that!!!!" and went out side and cried (this was during the community dinner).
*i was hoping that t might call or email to check in (t is not a "rescuer") and i knew it would not happen. Even though i had emaild and said I was really having a time of it. Sometimes she checks in like that but very rare.
*i didn't ask for a response - thinking i could tough it out.

Where this all leaves me is sick as a dog with a terrible sinus infection and fever.

I'm sorry you're so sick, Kiya. Sounds like a really full on week. take gentle care of you, eh?

thank you very much luce. (((((((((luce)))))))))

(((((((((((((((((((kiya)))))))))))))))))))))

I have had all kinds of crazy physical symptoms both from stuffing down the trauma AND from expressing it. Can't win, can we?!

You've been working so hard on the collages and on the narrative. Can you take a break now and let yourself rest and let your body heal? I know I get into this mode of "I have to heal from all of this trauma....NOW" and push myself way too hard. There must be a balance somewhere.

Be gentle with yourself, dearest one

(((((Kiya)))))

I wonder how we can reverse the tendency to somatize? I have a cold and yet another UTI. I don't know why I keep doing this!

Take care.

yeah.... i do understand that. but i also did good self care today - slept all day long (except for meals) and just had a really hot salt bath -a good hour long- with some nice smelling oil in it and a crystal, while reading my book, drinking some hot Gypsy Cold Care tea, and took some Herbal Flower essence "Healing from the Past" drops.
I will not be working tomorrow, so I can keep resting.

zounds, yes i too would like to reverse this - but this probably means we'd have to spend more time in our bodies? so that our bodies weren't processing separately? My dear friend suggested that this was also a form of integrating...

What a great question to ask ourselves. My T always seems to think I know the answers.

Kiya, I guess deep down you DID have some idea what you needed to get through the day. When I look back on my trying week...So did I. Mine included an experimental Reiki session, much needed open dialog with H, lots of meditation to endure the silent treatment after the open dialog, emailing T, attending a church service (that's right the feral child actually went and didn't get the evil eye from anyone-LOL), and finally going for a long hike.

I think I agree. When I was encountering most of my parasitic disEASE this week I spent any free time I had breathing and focusing my attention on the lower three chakras (aka: in my body). Maybe this was just a simple distraction activity, but I really seemed to help me. I just felt grounded and like although life was very turbulent, I was manageing to some how keep my head above water and still breathing.

It wasn"t until I read you comment here about integrating that I considered these activities might have worked because they helped me to process what was going on as a whole (mind, body, spirit). Interesting.... I'll have to see if I can remember to try this again the next time may parasite strikes again.