[MissCharlotte]

I was away last week and while I was gone I had a phone session with T. I told him the dream I had. In the dream I was swimming with a little girl and playing with her in the water. Then she got into water over her head but her Dad was standing there, very tall and seemingly unconcerned even though she was under water. Then her dad told me that she could handle it and I shouldn't worry. I was frightened that he wasn't being vigilant enough but he insisted she could handle it and would be okay so I swam away. I told T that I thought the little girl was a part of me and that he was the Dad. We talked about the S ideation of the past few weeks, and how difficult it is for me to tell him when I think I am in trouble. I split out any emotion because there is a part of me that doesn't expect any help at all. The end result is that the other person perceives this emotionless request as empty and doesn't really understand the emergency. We talked a little more about the dream and then T commented that (in him) I was experiencing both the neglectful mother and the supportive father at the same time. I was holding both sets of feelings simultaneously.

Originally Posted by MissCharlotte

I split out any emotion because there is a part of me that doesn't expect any help at all. The end result is that the other person perceives this emotionless request as empty and doesn't really understand the emergency.

Oh my, Miss C, this describes my experience with T so well. During a time when I was truly in a crisis (with S thoughts,like you), it was impossibly hard to get to to really understand what was going on with me.

I think dreams about T are so interesting and telling. I'm glad you were able to have a phone session with him while you were away

[BlueMoon6]

(((((Miss C)))))
I am expereinceing such similar feelings. I also just posted something with a dream.....

You know, it seems to be one of the most difficult part of therapy to really communicte to our t's the need for more help and care. Feeling S is so desperately painful especially when the emotion isnt reachable. I always hope that my t does understand that if the emotion isnt there that my words will be enough. I really count on that. That I have to be able to get the words out in a way that she will understand me and take me seriously. That she will understand that I am not threatening anything, I just need her help.

It really sounds like your t is very nurturing He understands, is hearing you and is taking your feelings seriously whether you are able to access them or not.

[Kiya]

Originally Posted by MissCharlotte

The end result is that the other person perceives this emotionless request as empty and doesn't really understand the emergency.

Are you in emergency now?

We talked a little more about the dream and then T commented that (in him) I was experiencing both the neglectful mother and the supportive father at the same time. I was holding both sets of feelings simultaneously.

Do you agree with T on this? Do you feel he hears you - are you trying to get him to understand something that he is not?

Concerned, kiya

[chaotic13]

Originally Posted by MissCharlotte

Then she got into water over her head but her Dad was standing there, very tall and seemingly unconcerned even though she was under water. Then her dad told me that she could handle it and I shouldn't worry.

When I read this I thought about how many times my parents saw something and just said..Ah, she's tough she can handle it.

The end result is that the other person perceives this emotionless request as empty and doesn't really understand the emergency.

This comment made me think about how stuff tends to eventually come out when I try to communicate with people. Last week H and I had some serious dialog. I ended up telling him a few things about my experiences, he totally didn't get how much it really bothered me. I later realize the problem was that when I finally do speak up, I do it in this emotionless way and people hear the words but don't really GET it. In reflecting on your dream I envisoned the girl surfacing and thrashing about in the water while her Dad tells you, "Don't worry she is just having fun playing in the water."

Miss C I find it interesting that you and your T can discuss how you are perceiving him.

[MissCharlotte]

Thanks everyone.

Kiya, I am okay. Not in any emergency now. Thanks.

My therapy is really deep right now and in the dream I was under the water, and yes, at times I do feel like no one hears and yes it is quite a huge step that we can now talk openly about how I perceive him.

[FooZe]

Originally Posted by MissCharlotte

We talked about the S ideation of the past few weeks, and how difficult it is for me to tell him when I think I am in trouble. I split out any emotion because there is a part of me that doesn't expect any help at all...

... I was holding both sets of feelings simultaneously.

It seems to me that that's the key to it: you were holding both sets of feelings simultaneously. You were and you weren't in trouble, and the way you finally found to express both sides of that was with this dream. Perfect!

------------------------------
And if you were to back up one more step, you'd notice that the little girl was never really in trouble -- because there you were, looking after her.

[chaotic13]

Miss C,
Have you thought at all about the part of you that swam away in the dream? I experienced something a few months ago...at this point I'll call it a dream even though I think it was a real experience....Long story.

At one point in this experience/dream my inner child was screaming. She was out of control and screaming for the physical adult me to act. The adult me was on alert, not ignoring her, searching for anything that could substanciate what the inner child was freaking out, about but there was nothing to warrant reacting to. In the end the adult me didn't act. I still haven't fully figured out what this was all about, even after talking about it with my T.

I was just curious if as you were reflecting on your dream if you had looked at why the adult you simply took the dad's word and swam off.