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#1
Aug 26, 2009, 05:37 AM
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Well one more week after this one and T's back....I am counting down the days...I am afraid to really feel how desperate I am to just see her again...bravado is what is keeping me going and the denial of any needs I may have....even my usual SH habit has ceased whilst T is away....I think the need to SH has also been deadened..interesting that....its like needing anything is like pushing myself over the edge and just silently holding on by my finger tips is all that I can manage...but alongside this I am functioning...T said I could email her all through the summer, but that feels inconsiderate...unyet I want to make some contact, keep writing a one line email to her then deleting it....there really is a distinct feeling of a double identity going on within me during the break....and I can't get them to work together its a push and pull effect...as one hand goes to reach out, the other pulls it back....it feels like I am getting through, but thats not enought...I dont want to just get by....I want T here as well....strange a woman at work told me today she felt tearful this week, didnt know why....as I walked home and thought about her comment, I realised her normal work companion is on hoiday this week and perhaps she is missing her but without therapy shes unaware of how its effecting her.....I felt that perhaps in her ignorance shes better off, if she knew what it was she was missing it would really hurt??? I dunno...is it better to not know why we are like we are at times or is it better to know when we're mourning someone???
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#2
Aug 26, 2009, 05:44 AM
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Dam and I've finally gone and done it...emailed T saying I wanna email you but your on holiday so I won't but I wanna coz I wanna put a bit of normal back inside...but I won't and I did...
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#3
Aug 26, 2009, 10:43 AM
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T replied..."she said its fine to email, she said I could, did I not believe her????? "
she said that it seems i can bear to miss her for a bit before I need a "top up" and that perhaps I'm afraid to miss her because that might feel as if its for ever, as its getting mixed up with other "missing you's", most proberbly my first mummy! Ps, Mummy added by me LOL! she don't say Mummy LOL! aawww, I'm topped up now! |
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#4
Aug 26, 2009, 01:21 PM
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I'm glad you emailed and your T emailed you back! Hang in there!
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#5
Aug 26, 2009, 01:22 PM
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(((((((Mel))))))))) --
I'm SO happy she contacted you back! =) 
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#6
Aug 26, 2009, 01:33 PM
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Melbadaze How great that you emailed T, and your T emailed back!  I'm on the same time frame as you, and feeling okay, but I'll be so happy when T is back!! |
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