[sittingatwatersedge]

wandering in www i came across an article some T wrote about "the ambush hug" - client is on way out the door, then suddenly turns and wham!

{{red face}} I did this at end of my last appointment, which had been very close & connected although very difficult - but T had said something about heath issues & I was very concerned about her. Now I am dreading going back because I may have made a big boo boo, not asking first.

Is she going to nail me? this is only the second one in almost 2 yrs, and I did ask first, the other time.

((((((((((((((((((((sawe))))))))))))))))))))))

My guess is that since you have hugged before, hugs are welcome!

[winterbaby]

hell I read that one too and had the same reaction as you and I've never even shared a hug with my t!! Sometimes those articles really make the t-patient-client relationship sound very clinical and distant don't they. I wouldn't worry about it.

[BlueMoon6]

wandering in www i came across an article some T wrote about "the ambush hug" - client is on way out the door, then suddenly turns and wham!

If I ambushed my t with a hug I dont know who would fall over dead first, me or her!

[peaches100]

My t told me that a person should always ask before touching someone. She wasn't talking about hugs with her. But in general. Still, I doubt your t will be upset with you.

[chaotic13]

OK, here is my take on hugs...Outside of therapy, how many people have been hugged without being first asked? I am NOT a person who sends off the "I just love to be hugged" vibe, but there have been MANY times when people have ambushed me. Personally, I think if someone ASKED me first it would create MORE discomfort and awkwardness. I do believe that we need to be mindful of who and under what situations we spontaneously hug people. But even as a person suffering from touch issues...I've always survived the ambush and rarely did it completely change the relationship.

[Melbadaze]

Originally Posted by chaotic13

I've always survived the ambush and rarely did it completely change the relationship.

Interesting thought. I guess this is why T said in the past that yes she would hug me but we'd have to talk about it as well....I think lack of touch in my life has led me to have some great fantasy built up about it, so many unspoken expectations...I think I secretly think if I get the hug then T will finally be mine completely....

[sittingatwatersedge]

Originally Posted by clk6

wandering in www i came across an article some T wrote about "the ambush hug" - client is on way out the door, then suddenly turns and wham!

If I ambushed my t with a hug I dont know who would fall over dead first, me or her!

Clk6-
if you decide to try it, do be careful diving over that D*E*S*K...!!

[chaotic13]

Originally Posted by Melbadaze

.I think lack of touch in my life has led me to have some great fantasy built up about it, so many unspoken expectations..

This is a great reflection. We fear and distort things that we don't really understand or haven't experienced a lot or the few times that we have the wrong person was touching or hugging. I've been trying to provide myself with more positive small safe touch situations so that I have a better understanding of what others who haven't experienced abuse tend to feel or interpret.

My comment earlier were just trying to say..although we get unbalanced by unexpected hugging, it may not have been such a big deal for your T to handle. She is not likely to be angry and kick you out of therapy because of an extemporanious hug. I was just suggesting that your therapeutic relationship will survive this.

[sunrise]

I looked up the article on the ambush hug and it was kind of offputting. I think it was written for a therapist audience, so they would probably be more diplomatic if they meant it for patient ears. Also, the article (actually a blog) referred to a hug as being inappropriate. The writer is in Australia, and I understand there are prohibitions against hugs there, from what our Aussie members have written before, so maybe that partly accounts for the tone of the article. By the way, the article lists options A, B, and C for what therapists should do when the patient is ambushing them, and sometimes my T and I do option B (a sideways hug)! (Although I don't ambush him or really even initiate hugs by myself.) I think of the sideways hugs as "lighter" (hugs of reassurance, encouragement or affection) whereas the front to front hugs as being "deeper" and we put more of ourselves into them. I think calling the hug an "ambush" kind of implies it is unwanted--that if they had only had warning, they could have avoided or resisted it. I guess maybe that is how some therapists feel.

T had said something about heath issues & I was very concerned about her. Now I am dreading going back because I may have made a big boo boo, not asking first.

I bet your T handled the hug just fine. You cared about her health and were worried, so you treated her as if you and she were human beings. You offered her comfort! It is a totally human impulse to do that. If your T is going to tell you her health issues, she's got to expect you to care and to react like a human. Once my T was quite emotional about something, and I really understood completely, and I reached over and took his hand, and held it for just a moment and gave it a squeeze. He didn't seem to have a problem with this--I was just doing what many humans would do. SAWE, if you're worried the hug was a problem, you could talk with your T about it (not at the top of your list, I'm sure!). Or perhaps be more cautious next time and try to read her body language to make sure she is reciprocating the impulse for a hug. When my T first hugged me, he would always ask ("share a hug?"), which was very respectful and considerate. Now he usually doesn't say this. We just know each other well enough to know if a hug is going to happen. (We don't hug every time--only when it seems "right" and we both seem to know this.)

off topic, but interesting:
BTW, at the ambush hug blog, there are some other entries I found interesting. One was on CBT and studies that have been done showing it is the "B" part of the therapy, as well as the relationship, that really helps rather than the "C" part (telling clients their thinking is wrong). How funny that CBT is so hugely favored by insurance companies when the C may contribute little to efficacy.

Here is the blog site:
http://gandalwaven.typepad.com/intheroom/