just need hugs please

Deli, pdoc has chosen his career because he wants to help people "like you" "like me" and like "everyone here or everywhere." If he didn't like it, he'd get another career--easy to do with an MD. I’m going try and appeal to your analytical mind.

You aren't a problem. You (and all patients) are a problem if you start destroying his property, attacking him--his family, swipe his credit info and use it, stalk him, etc. but not for engaging in the therapy process.

You have an extraordinary relationship with pdoc, and we all know firsthand what pdocs are like. He's an outlier in the good way.

He doesn't need you to give him support or feedback. He shares because he thinks important points can be made and that you can gain from being told what you're told. He's not paying to be there, he's getting paid. He's a service provider.

What if every time you talk about what a problem you are for pdoc or Austin, you take your sentences and also write them with someone else's name, e.g. "I’m sad that pdoc has to deal with someone like imapatient." If any of us spoke of ourselves in the way you do sometimes of yourself, you'd be the first to post a response letting that person know they're wrong to think that way of themselves.

I was at an AA retreat this weekend—I’m just checking it out right now—and there's a point to the effect that seeing oneself as worse then another people is as much a distortion as seeing oneself as better than others.

You're very special, Deli, in many good ways, but in the negative ways you see yourself, you're not special. You aren't any worse than the rest of us. There's nothing outstanding, as in standing out, about you and the mistakes you make, errors in judgment, misspeaking, a bad mood you might have with T. We all do those things to the same degree as you. What makes you stand out are your positive traits, gifts of: intellect, compassion for others, and your ability to handle a lot of very difficult things in your life and T while continuing to be productive. You don't use, hurt, insult, betray or abandon people; you're a good person. You’re special in those ways to me and, I’m sure, to others.

(((((deli)))))

You don't just create problems and you ARE good. I'm sure pdoc did not expect anything from you when he disclosed something personal. You don't owe him anything except to be yourself and do your best in therapy. He already knows that's what you are doing. You said he "needs" a compassionate response. Our Ts shouldn't "need" anything from us regarding their personal lives. They are there for us, not the other way around. If our T is sick, or tells us something personal, we can express our concern, or congratulations, whatever the case may be, but they should not NEED to hear anything from us. If they do, then there is something wrong and boundaries are being crossed. I don't think that's the case with pdoc, but I don't think it's necessary for you to get upset about what you didn't give HIM.

Remember, you ARE good and are not causing him problems. It's his job to help you.