Can one die from sadness? I can't stop crying.triggers bad ones

Tonight so many things were triggered, maybe a delay from EMDR. In the middle of EMDR my dad's image came to me and it confused me, it blocked me. She tried to recapture all that we have been talking about, but nothing... I was blocked. Why my dad, he didn't hurt me...it was always my mom.

************************ bad triggers*******************

Well that racquetball sound reminded me tonight of the time my dad shot my dog in the woods (that is the echoing racquetball sound). He didn't tell us that he was going to put her down, he just did it. I know it hurt him too because it was the only time I have seen him cry besides when my grandma died. Our dog was very old and had cancer and was beginning to suffer I think. He didn't let us say good bye and I didn't' know the gunshots I heard was my dog being shot.
Plus all this horrible stuff reminded me of much more worse stuff, hayness stuff I don't think anyone would want to hear about here that my mom did. I wrote this poem tonight for class, I am not sure if I am going to hand this one in or not.

It had to be 100 or 150 words exact, prose, use the words found and gum wrapper and start off by the phrase.......I drank it, even though it was blue like...

It is very triggery especially to animal lovers, please don't read if that is a trigger or child abuse triggers too.
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Brother

I drank it, even though it was blue like a voodoo elixir of life that would somehow change the fact he was found dead today, but it was just Kool-aid. Autopsies speak in tongues. Too many lesion seizures, merits measured by silver-spooned scabs upon scabs. Racquetballs ricocheted
through his brain, maybe it was mine, I don’t remember. Family traditions of playing bowling with our heads, Simon with hot colored light bulbs and finding buckshot before Hoppy and Bugsy are gutted and served, all to honor thy mother. I still don’t like games much. Thirty-six year-old spiders eventually can’t walk when their legs are plucked one by one from birth.
Can anyone stop the spew of a stomach virus? A two lined death notice in an unknown city to announce her accomplishment of putting him in her gum wrapper to toss away; I will never let her chew me anymore.

(((((((((((((((((((Exotic))))))))))))))))))))))

I'm sorry What a sad memory to have to sit with...and it's so hard when one memory leads to another leads to another. It can feel so overwhelming.

I sent my T an e-mail about feeling really really sad, and this is part of what he sent back to me:

Remember, emotions are not emergencies, they are information. And it sounds like you have been listening to the information. It will not hurt forever. It will be better.

It won't hurt forever, exoticflower. Be gentle with you.

Wow. What a powerful poem....very well written, telling a destructive tale. I hope you felt some relief in writing those words, although I know all too well that sometimes it's never enough.

((( HUGS )))

I am so sorry you had those sad and panful things happen to you exoticflower

All of the feelings coming up at once feels very overwheming and impossible to live with minute by minute. I love what Trees t wrote to her ((((Tree)))

EF- It wont hurt forever, the tears will end and you will be closer to healing

((((((((((exotic)))))))))))

i'm so sorry you are in so much pain. can you call t? take gentle care. you will feel better sweet flower.

Thanks everyone,

Well I didn't cause a flood with my tears but I thought I would. These moments are so hard sometimes but I guess that is the walk of pain my T talks about. I did write her last night an email and she will get it this morning, but I am seeing her today anyway this afternoon. I just felt I had to get it out and tell her before I chickened out. I have a study group today right afterwards and I think I will need to cancel it because I know today's session is going to be a hard one. I finally got to sleep last night and now I am off to racquetball class, I hope I will be okay because it is the first one back since our EMDR on it.

Thanks for the hugs, I really needed them.

(((( big hugs to you ))))

I have to try to learn this. In my childhood everything was a crisis. Or so it seems.

And the approach of some practitioners, who do not want to hear "bad stuff" or medicate it away, does not help, either.

((((((Exoticflower))))))

Oh boy! I can definitely see how the raquetball sound could trigger your memories of your dad having shot your dog. What an awful memory! My heart goes out to you. I want to give you a few of these: This kind of stuff is really painful to process in therapy. Please let us know how it goes.