Major changes to my therapy!

Sep 14, 2009, 07:33 PM

I'm in shock, I just had an amazing session. My T is so good to me!

I told T that I didn't know where to take our discussion next, that I feel like I've opened all these doors and don't know which one to go through now - T said all of them, but I asked in what order, and how deep?

So T said that she thought I could really benefit from 2 sessions a week.

My T said that she can tell that therapy is intense for me and even precious to me, and that she feels like I'm frustrated sometimes when I leave, that I want more out of it. All true!

We've actually discussed this before - I had a dream once that I asked T for 2 sessions a week, and that she had evening availability - when I brought that up to T a few months ago, she didn't have evening availability, so we dropped it. So tonight, I got all excited, but then remembered that I needed evening availability. Plus, I told her that after tonight, I only have one more session that is covered by insurance, and then I start paying out of pocket for the rest of this calendar year. T asked if we'd discussed what that rate would be yet, I said no. So T said that she would keep the rate at what my insurance bills her, which is twice my copay now, but less than half of what she had originally told me her private rate is.

I started crying, I couldn't help it... and T kept talking, then realized I was tearing up, and said, "And you're crying!"

I told her that it meant so much to me. T asked if I wanted to consider trying twice a week with that reduced rate, and I said absolutely - but then we were back to no evening availability.

So then I remembered that T used to have another client after me but hasn't lately - I asked her if we could do a double session. T said that was a possibility, and that she was going to suggest that we try EMDR, so double sessions would be perfect for that. I stopped her right there - I've read posts on here about EMDR, and a bit online - it sounds intense but something that would help me greatly. I didn't get too invested in the idea, though, because I didn't think T did it - she said, "Didn't you see it on my business card?" I said, "No, give me another card" - she did, and it wasn't on there!

T then was rummaging for another card, she couldn't find the one with EMDR on it. Oh, I love her!

So she started to explain that it's good for trauma, for "stuck memories" (and we didn't even get to the talk of memories today!), and for negative beliefs (I have a lot of those). So we're starting next week - I have to come up with what I consider the most negative connotation about myself, and then T said we'll come up with an image to represent that, and we'll also create a safe place where T can take me when I have to come out of EMDR and am still emotional.

I feel so blessed that T wants to work with me double the amount of time and that she's lowering her rate so much that I can afford to do it. I feel so cared for by T right now.

And I'm so excited, but also somewhat scared and nervous, to try the EMDR!

Sorry this was so long - it was quite a session!