[deliquesce]

lol. not really. i just have assignments due every friday for a few weeks, and because i cant manage my time properly, will inevitably end up cancelling my session with pdoc. i would make a better effort if he saw me in his private practice (because otherwise he could put a different client into that spot) but fridays are his paper shuffling days at the hospital, so he doesn't really mind (in terms of income because he doesnt charge me anyway).

but still, i feel bad anyway? what's with that?

i guess i am worried that he will assume i've come up with a new trick to run away from him, when it's really truly not the case this time. but i am worried that after a month's break i will be too scared to be assertive and ask for my appt back and then it really would have been enabling in that sense.

the other thing is that the last time we cancelled one of our weekly sessions he told me he had missed me (even though he had called in between sessions to check up). i was a bit surprised that he missed me, because it had only been 2 weeks, but i'm always missing pdoc LOL so i dont have the best radar on these things.

oh yeah. so i dont want pdoc to miss me either.

and i dont want to go back in a month's time and him mention my puppy. i dont want anyone to know anymore..

((((((((((((((deli))))))))))))))

Isn't it tricky sometimes when life gets busy and affects therapy??

I've had to go from twice a week, with one of the appointments each week being a 90 minute session to 3 three 60 minute sessions every two weeks, because my life is so incredibly busy. And that third session is super tricky - it would make more sense for me to go once a week.

When I told T about the schedule change, I could tell he wasn't happy about it, but I was VERY firm...because this is just how it IS right now. But I have questioned myself about it quite a bit...I *think* this is how it has to be, but maybe I am running away a bit? I'm honestly not sure.

Okay, can I play devil's advocate?? You said that you would make a better effort if he saw you in private practice. So, I wonder if you are taking advantage of the fact that you CAN cancel, and canceling when you don't really *have* to. Do you think it would be worth it to make the effort to see him for an hour a week to prevent the disconnect that's bound to happen if you don't see him for a month? You said you don't want to talk about your puppy...do you think you are avoiding him partly because you want to avoid that?? For me, the times I have really big feelings about something are the times I most want to avoid therapy.