Dr. Muffin's thread on whether or not we have a preference on a therapist's gender made me think about what else may lead us to choose a therapist.

When I had depression and saw a therapist several years ago, I knew nothing about types of therapy, or even that it's a good idea to interview different therapists. I called names given to me by my insurance, got a hit, saw her and thought I could handle sitting across from her for 50 minutes once a week. She was at least 30 years older than me and very businesslike - I think that appealed to me at the time because she seemed to be in complete control, and I wanted to get that feeling of control back over my emotions. And she talked a lot, which was a relief, because that meant I didn't have to talk as much - I realize now that this wasn't the best fit for me, but it worked at the time. I only saw her for 9 sessions, and then she declared me better. Okay then!

Three years ago, I searched for a few weeks for a T with evening availability. I finally found one - I immediately was turned off by her office, small and crowded with no windows. I also didn't like her appearance - she was dressed in what I considered sloppy clothes, her hair was frizzy, and she was very overweight. I'm also overweight, so looking back, I realize that I was projecting my negative feelings onto her (lazy, unmotivated). But I also couldn't stand it when she talked - her voice was high-pitched and so soft, I had to lean forward to hear her. I didn't go back after that session.

Cut to my search for a T this year - I researched the heck out of Ts covered by my insurance! I found one T's profile (complete with picture) who I had my heart set on getting - she was about 10 years older than me, very pretty, specialized in one of my issues, and seemed perfect. But when she called me back, not only did she not have evening availability, but she seemed so hesitant on the phone. I was bummed! So I called another T and got her voicemail - her voice was so low, it really bothered me for some reason. I found another T's teaching video on YouTube - again, I was put off by her demeanor, though watching her give a lecture was no indication of how she'd interact with me on a one-on-one basis. When I called my current T, I liked her voice on the phone. And then when I met her, I really liked her office and I liked how she presented herself. I wonder, though, if I would've called her if I'd seen her photo beforehand - I think she's very pretty, but I also don't think a picture does her justice, it doesn't get across her very caring manner. What did prompt me to call her was a referral from another therapist, as well as finding 2 glowing referrals to her on message boards.

Okay, that was longer than I had originally intended! So what other factors besides gender (and therapy types or specializations) went into you selecting a T?

[jexa]

Originally Posted by dreamseeker9

So what other factors besides gender (and therapy types or specializations) went into you selecting a T?

What's important to me is that they get the whole story, that the questions they ask end up painting at least a sketch of the whole picture of what's going on. If that makes sense. I need someone who asks the right questions. You can usually tell from the interview if they're asking the right questions.

A therapist who laughs at the wrong moment is going to turn me off bigtime. If I feel in the least bit unheard or misunderstood, that's going to turn me off bigtime. I don't want an awkward or inattentive therapist. I look for a therapist with a warm demeanor.

Another thing, the initial phone conversation.. I will not see a T who has her receptionist call me back to set up an appointment rather than speaking to me herself! I need a T who will give a little of her time to make sure I feel comfortable before I come in!

[Confused_1982]

I phoned about 3 therapists before I got with my current T. What they sounded like and how they were on the phone was what I was looking for. One of them took ages to call me back, the other sounded too sympathetic (if that can ever be the case??). I didnt speak to my current T on the phone but the staff there sounded really warm and friendly, and not at all patronising which was important. The office manager called me the day before to rearrange, and then T was late for my first session!! I wasnt impressed, but the minute I sat down with T I knew he was "the one". I felt he totally got my problem, he understood me, was caring, listened to me, and was "normal". He wore normal clothes, the office was normal, nothing weird going on at all. I remember walking out of the office and feeling that I had just had a conversation with a friend.

[fallenangel337]

I have to admit, I wanted someone closer to my age, so that's one thing that led me to my current T.

Other than that, I can't say I did much shopping around. As long as she was young and female, I was good. I didn't have too many options, considering my parents were paying for my therapy. I was confined to choosing from the group practice that my t works in. Lucky for me, I found the perfect T within my limited selection.

[Dr.Muffin]

my first therapist was an older (65+) german woman who was the therapist of a friend of mine. i dont think i will ever see a friend's therapist again! i felt obligated to stay with this woman who i didnt find particularly helpful because my friend loved her soooo much. i had a lot of no-shows and call outs and finally i took a break because of school and decided not to go back. my second therapist was good, i wish i was still seeing her, but after a few months we had to stop because her hubby got a job in another state and they were moving. *sad* i miss her! she was younger, and she was the same race as me and it was just a completely different experience. i still apply the things she said to me in my everyday life. and i liked her from the very first day.

the most important factor for me is flexibility of approach. i want her to have a theoretical orientation but be able to apply different techniques and principles as needed. equally as important is her ability to challenge me. i am an excellent bullsh*tter and can usually intellectualize out of anything...i need a therapist who is going to call me on that.