[Confused_1982]

Just wanted your views on this:

When I email T (or call, but very rarely), I become somewhat obessed with checking my emails waiting for his repsonse. He is usually pretty good with getting back to me, but as soon as Ive sent the email I worry he wont respond and I'll be left on my own. I literally check them every 30 seconds, and it drives me mad, and the longer it goes on the more worked up I get. Sometime I think that instead of emailing me back he might call, so I check my phone too. I want to be able to get on with things without this obsession.

I emailed T yesterday and I havent heard back from him. I know he may be busy, day off etc, but nothing seems to comfort me.

Does anyone else have this experience or have I completely lost the plot?

[Indie'sOK]

I think it's completely normal I will sometimes ask T to read my PC blog when I've written something there that I want her to see. Then I'll constantly check my email to see if I've gotten the notice to approve a blog comment, hoping it's from her. I know she's read it, but she's never commented on it. So I don't think you're crazy, but it could benefit you to bring it up in T if it is bothering you

[3velniai]

I was doing the exact same thing in the beginning when I discovered I was allowed to email. But then I kind of learned and started to trust that T will read and respond to every email I send, even the most silly ones and huge rambles about nothing in particular. Now I "know" her email schedule, if I don't get a replay on Tuesday morning, it means I will get one Thursday night or Friday morning, this knowing of her schedule (she didn't tell me this, I just figured it out based on when I get a replay) stops me from clicking on "check mail" button again and again and again.

[jexa]

I think some of that is normal.. but if it's bothering you I'd bring it up in therapy. I had to stop emailing my T because I go way overboard with obsessively long emails trying to clarify/correct what I said in session. But I have OCD and that kind of behavior wastes a LOT of my time. I don't think you're crazy!

(((((((((((((confused))))))))))))))))

I SO used to do that with T. I would really actually regret e-mailing him, because it would create so much worry and obsession for me.

Now, I feel sure he will respond, so I don't worry about it anymore. It's so different now - I'll get on the computer and there will be an e-mail from him and I'll almost forget I e-mailed him. And, like 3 velniai, I know his e-mail schedule, so I have a good idea of when I can expect one and it makes me a lot less obsessive.

For me, it wasn't until I felt securely attached that I was able to feel calm about his e-mails.

[sittingatwatersedge]

Originally Posted by Confused_1982

When I email T (or call, but very rarely), I become somewhat obessed with checking my emails waiting for his repsonse. Does anyone else have this experience or have I completely lost the plot?

you're not alone, dear.

I check at least every hour (T and I leave voice mail messages for each other). I guess it's because I don't do it all that often, so when I do, I really need a response.

[crystalrose]

i agree i'v been checking our blog constantly but no reply from T! Makes me regret posting in the blog. I reckon T has read it but being silent to punish me for writing things about her.

[peaches100]

I am trying to stop emailing my t for that exact reason. I obsess about whether (and when) she will reply. And then if she replies that she doesn't have time to respond to my concern, then i feel worthless and abandoned. It may not make logical sense, but that's how i feel. It feels terrible for me to reach out and be told that she doesn't have time, even if 90% of the time she responds. That 10% just crushes me. I wish i could accept that t is busy and can't always respond, but it triggers something deep inside me that already believes i am invisible and not important. Until i deal with that feeling, i think emailing and not getting a reply is only going to trigger it. So i am trying not to email my t.

[deliquesce]

i am like this with pdoc/austin-T, but then i am like this with everyone.

i am wondering if for you guys it's only to do with T? i kind of feel really weird now :S.

[BlueMoon6]

Deli- I dont have email with my t but I am like that if I send an important email I need a response to. I check every 30 seconds. I never thought this email stuff is the most efficient way to communicate! Texting is better......LOL!

But it is the compulsive side of me that cant let it go once I send an email and want a response.

[Confused_1982]

((((((((((((Everyone))))))))))))

Deli-I am like that with everyone, but more so with T because my emails to him always contain my feelings. I used to do it with men that I liked- they would tell me they would call me on x day and I would spend the whole day buidling myself up for their phone call, and then it never happened. Maybe thats why I feel insecure about T emailing back

T still hasnt emailed back and it is driving me mad. I dont want to contact him again, but waiting for his response is killing me

[deliquesce]

yes, i think i am like that with everyone where i feel i am taking a "risk", or where i really want an outcome. it's not just emails though - it's phone calls, texts, letters etc.

i am carrying my mobile around with me because i am expecting a few calls. i am compulsively checking my email because i am trying to arrange a time to meet up with someone next month and i want to know now.

i think what someone mentioned earlier - about knowing their Ts schedule - has helped me a lot. i know pdoc calls me now when he is driving home, so usually i have to wait until after 7pm for a return call. i still carry my phone with me everywhere, just in case, but at least i dont start beating myself up and doubting myself until 7.01pm .