[Brian37]

the past six weeks, I have been on a complete downer....depression has kicked into high gear and im operating at about 40% capacity

the past couple visits with T haven't accomplished much, although both of us agree some "magical" change needs to occur in my world if I have any desire of getting better....

my psych put me on Abilify in addition to Celexa, Klonopin, Wellbutrin, and Walgreen's multi-vitamins and fish oil....love those fishy burps!

old T still haunts my world and is a constant thorn in my side...It doesnt help she had her picture plastered all over our local newspaper ( not going to dive into that little tidbit)

I serioulsy considered dragging my truck key across the side of her shiny Volvo V50 sports wagon when I left therapy on Monday....I saw her several times before and after my sessions and I think she purposely avoided me....

my wife has started back to college to obtain a health professions degree...she seems to enjoy it and I think she enjoys the social aspect of it...it's good for her to get away from the house and from our 4 year old for a few hours a week

I wish I could say our marriage is all good, but she is still angry for me because of my pornography use and sexual addiciton....

I spend a lot of time on Facebook which is good and bad....Ive connected with a few people from school days, but at the same time it makes me feel more depressed because all my life connections exist in the cyber world....

my diet lasted less than a day...I'll try again tomorrow, but cant make any guarantees

been lethargic and tired for most of the time....I feel broken down and lifeless

made friends with someone on Facebook, then she deleted me from her friends list, then found out she was a friend of old T ...I can only assume old T saw this and alerted her friend to my being a former client and somewhat unstable mentally...ok I made up the part about being unstable.....but seriously when are any of us truly stable?

red licorice is good to chew on....I bought a big bag at Walgreen's along with a 4.99$ truck/dinosaur contraption my son just had to have....brought back memories of going to the store when I was a youngster and always having mom buy me a Matchbox car/truck

just for kicks, I was going to go to old T's church and during a quiet time stand up and shout: "she is evil, she lied to me, she is a sinner!!!!!!".....then again I dont think doing time in the local slammer is worth the trade for such actions.......or is it?

Patrick Swayze will forever be one of my heroes....I was a child of the 80's and he was in many of the films that made my youth....Outsiders, Red Dawn, Youngblood, Dirty dancing, Roadhouse!!!!!!!!........Godspeed Darrell Curtis

today was the first day of autumn and I had the a/c at work crankin....it was so freakin humid.....

my cousin was in town a few weeks ago and asked me when my baby was due....I guess that means im fat....

how is everyone else doing?

is therapy helping you or are you like me, just providing your therapist with some much needed income....

gotta run kiddo's....time for bed....the one time of the day when Im somewhat at peace with myself....lying on the bed dreaming of a life I so very much want but that seems so out of grasp.....

peace everyone

[peaches100]

Hi Brian,

Sorry to hear your depression has kicked up into high gear. It sounds like the doctor is still trying to get your meds right. It can be hard finding the right combo. I think it must be very hard seeing your old t when you go to therapy. Have you thought about going to a therapist somewhere else where you won't run into her all the time? That's a bummer about the person who deleted you as a friend on Facebook. Their loss! Is your current t helping you with your addictions? I hope you and your wife can work through your problems.

brian..

i was just thinking...geez...no ramblings....

i had read someplace that if you freeze the fish oil capsules you eliminate the nasty burps. of course i don't know how you would do it so you wouldn't get 1 giant mass of fish oil capsule...maybe seperate them first...(sorry the thought of them skeevs me out)

thats got to be a nightmare with the old t right there...can't help the healing process at all i would think...

feel better big guy!

licorice & a truck toy...sounds like a perfect visit to the store! you're a good guy and a great dad B!

stumpy

[mixedup_emotions]

Originally Posted by Brian37

the past six weeks, I have been on a complete downer....depression has kicked into high gear and im operating at about 40% capacity

Oh Brian...((( HUGS )))...I soooo know how this feels.

the past couple visits with T haven't accomplished much, although both of us agree some "magical" change needs to occur in my world if I have any desire of getting better....

Same here. My T keeps telling me, "Well, at least you know that you're choosing to be unhappy"...WTF? Who wants to CHOOSE to be unhappy??? He wants me to be more social...But when you feel so bad, who wants to do that? Yeah, I'm choosing....grrrr.

my psych put me on Abilify in addition to Celexa, Klonopin, Wellbutrin, and Walgreen's multi-vitamins and fish oil....love those fishy burps!

LOL. Fishy burps. Not very appetizing. Hope the Abilify helps. I couldn't take it...After being on it for a few weeks, I told my dr that I felt like I wanted to rip every limb off of my body and shove it down someone's throat. Considering you need a useful limb in order to do that, I realize it made no sense....but I got my point across.

old T still haunts my world and is a constant thorn in my side...It doesnt help she had her picture plastered all over our local newspaper ( not going to dive into that little tidbit)

Ugh. So sorry that you need to be faced with that.

I serioulsy considered dragging my truck key across the side of her shiny Volvo V50 sports wagon when I left therapy on Monday....I saw her several times before and after my sessions and I think she purposely avoided me....

But you didn't follow through with it. Good self control.

my wife has started back to college to obtain a health professions degree...she seems to enjoy it and I think she enjoys the social aspect of it...it's good for her to get away from the house and from our 4 year old for a few hours a week

Great!

I wish I could say our marriage is all good, but she is still angry for me because of my pornography use and sexual addiciton....

Hope you both are able to work through this.

I spend a lot of time on Facebook which is good and bad....Ive connected with a few people from school days, but at the same time it makes me feel more depressed because all my life connections exist in the cyber world....

I can certainly relate to that, my cyber friend....

my diet lasted less than a day...I'll try again tomorrow, but cant make any guarantees

Good luck. I don't even bother anymore.

been lethargic and tired for most of the time....I feel broken down and lifeless

Wow, I can relate to that. What a hopeless, empty, awful feeling....I hope you find a way to get out of this rut soon...(( HUGS ))

made friends with someone on Facebook, then she deleted me from her friends list, then found out she was a friend of old T ...I can only assume old T saw this and alerted her friend to my being a former client and somewhat unstable mentally...ok I made up the part about being unstable.....but seriously when are any of us truly stable?

Stable? Is that a word? Oh yeah, a place to keep horses....

red licorice is good to chew on....I bought a big bag at Walgreen's along with a 4.99$ truck/dinosaur contraption my son just had to have....brought back memories of going to the store when I was a youngster and always having mom buy me a Matchbox car/truck

Aww....

just for kicks, I was going to go to old T's church and during a quiet time stand up and shout: "she is evil, she lied to me, she is a sinner!!!!!!".....then again I dont think doing time in the local slammer is worth the trade for such actions.......or is it?

Again, resisting the urge....It would be good to work through the resentment and anger you have. Easier said than done.

Patrick Swayze will forever be one of my heroes....I was a child of the 80's and he was in many of the films that made my youth....Outsiders, Red Dawn, Youngblood, Dirty dancing, Roadhouse!!!!!!!!........Godspeed Darrell Curtis

May he rest in peace.

today was the first day of autumn and I had the a/c at work crankin....it was so freakin humid.....

Same here. Wassup with that?

my cousin was in town a few weeks ago and asked me when my baby was due....I guess that means im fat....

Bwahahahaha.....Not funny, but funny....sorry. How rude.

how is everyone else doing?

Pretty crappy, thanks for asking.

is therapy helping you or are you like me, just providing your therapist with some much needed income....

Right about now, I'm angry about the $$ because I just learned that my insurance won't cover any of my visits from July onwards....so I currently owe over $600....and will now have to pay $120/week for therapy plus $50 when my daughter goes. Not such a small price to pay for a newly single mom who is trying to keep a roof over her and her child's head.

gotta run kiddo's....time for bed....the one time of the day when Im somewhat at peace with myself....lying on the bed dreaming of a life I so very much want but that seems so out of grasp.....

Sweet dreams.....I used to have terrible insomnia, but now I can't seem to wait to get into bed and live in my dream world. *sigh*

peace everyone

Hang in there, Brian....

MUE

[MissCharlotte]

Brian,

Clearly you have missed your calling--YOU ARE A WRITER!!!!!

I so enjoy your ramblings.

just for kicks, I was going to go to old T's church and during a quiet time stand up and shout: "she is evil, she lied to me, she is a sinner!!!!!!"..

What the hell? GO for it!!!

.love those fishy burps!

H has now refused to take these again!

Peaceout to you too Bri. Take care of you.



PS Oh yeah--why #351? Is tomorrow the last day of the year?

[ECHOES]

my psych put me on Abilify in addition to Celexa, Klonopin, Wellbutrin, and Walgreen's multi-vitamins and fish oil....love those fishy burps!

All those meds!? I wonder if they play a role in your depression and feeling apparently 'blah' about therapy...

There are oderless fish oil capsules out there that don't create the fishy burp...Nature Made Omega-3.

My therapist is in Europe... I am $363 overdrawn and had popcorn for dinner... But yeah, my therapy is helping me. Maybe it's a FINANCIAL anaylst I need. lol

Goog to hear from you Brian

P.S. Going to Walgreens with Dad and getting a truck..... priceless!!!

[sunrise]

Brian, are you talking fish oil to add Omega-3 fatty acids to your diet? If so, you need not take fish oil--you can also get Omega 3s from Flaxseed Oil.

I love the story about buying your son the truck at Walgreen's. Wow, I wish my dad had done that for me! (As a girl, I was not given matchbox cars to play with, much to my disappointment. )

I joined Facebook very recently and do not like it. It is not my "cup of tea" as they say. I have been on MySpace for a while (largely for music reasons), although I don't go there much anymore. And I am on LinkedIn, which I used regularly--great site for professional networking. But Facebook--it seems like the point is to parade your life in front of every minor acquaintenance you've ever had in life! You post something and your whole circle of acquaintances knows! I am a very private person. I don't want all these people seeing pictures of me or knowing where I'm going for vacation or learning what kind of coffee I order at Starbucks. Plus, there is the dreaded wall. What if I post something on my wall and no one responds? Does that mean no one likes me? That I'm not popular? That no one could care less? Aaaacckk! It took me back to insecure feelings from junior high. The whole Facebook thing made me feel like a fish out of water--aren't there any introverts besides me left in the world?