[tryingtobeme]

I saw T today. Second apt this week and I talked to him a few days ago over the phone.

T mentioned he knows 2 others that work directly with BPD. He assured me he is still commited to working with me, but if we get stuck he knows someone to help me.

All I heard after T said that, all I heard was ABANDONMENT BELLS going off in my head. ABANDON, ABANDON, ABANDON, AGAIN, AGAIN, AGAIN.

I am so lost. I know T only meant it if our work gets stuck but I always wonder deep down if he really wants to work with me anymore. I am such a pain, nag, needy person, can never get things right, never do the right things to make him or any one else happy.

I hate myself for the person that I am. No wonder everyone else in my life has abandoned me. Don't know what to feel .

Maybe I need to enough to knock some sense into me.

Someone please me so I can wake up out of this nightmare and have a real life.

[pachyderm]

Someone please me so I can wake up out of this nightmare

WAKE UP, trying.

Abandon hope, all ye who enter here.

Someone had written that in chalk over the entrance of one of the buildings in the institution I was in at one time -- and no one had bothered to erase it.

I don't think T is going to abandon you. We certainly are not.

[gimmeice]

((((((((((((tryingtobeme)))))))))))))))
It doesn't sound like you T is abandoning you, me and my t have had similar conversations recently and she assured me she wasnt leaving me, that if a change was made it would be my decision. I know though how you feel about the abandonment feelings, I do have those fears too.
It really sounds like you are being way to hard on yourself, I hear a lot of negative self talk going on, negative self talk only makes the situation worse on you.

[BlueMoon6]

TTBM- I have to say- if a t said that to me I would hear abandonment and he doesnt want to work with me, I am too much for him etc. But.....if he really thinks he cant work with you and your bpd (I think that of my current t) then it SURELY is better to know it. But it doesnt seem that he wants to abandon you or is telling you to go to someone else.

Did you mention these feelings to t? He must know with bpd abandonment is a core issue. I think sometimes my t didnt get rid of me because of how I would hear that. Abandonment is a core issue for me (with bpd) and Id be really upset. I am now trying to leave her and still abandonment is a huge issue.

[FooZe]

Hi, tryingtobeme!

Originally Posted by tryingtobeme

...all I heard was ABANDONMENT BELLS going off in my head. ABANDON, ABANDON, ABANDON, AGAIN, AGAIN, AGAIN.

...I know T only meant it if our work gets stuck...

I find it helps a lot to be able to draw distinctions like that. I was thinking you might want to practice doing it even more, especially with some of the other things you say:

I am such a pain, nag, needy person, can never get things right, never do the right things to make him or any one else happy.

I've never met you IRL and have no idea whether anyone else thinks those things of you or not. They don't sound entirely believable to me, though -- not like what I might say to describe you if I knew you, but like something you might tell yourself to give yourself a hard time. You've left some big fat clues in your post: you say you "can never get things right," for instance. You might be thinking of the last thing, or three things, or twenty things that didn't turn out the way you wanted them to but I'd be willing to bet that in point of fact you get more things right than wrong, most likely a lot more. I couldn't find a single misspelled word in your post, for instance. Maybe that's not very important to you right now, but it does mean that if you want to make a case that you don't get things right, you're going to have to be a lot more specific.

If you ask me (you didn't), you need to work on telling the difference between what you feel like saying about yourself and how you really are.

If you're in a space where you feel like dumping on yourself, I'm not going to try to talk you out of it; as far as I know, the only way out is through. When you do dump on yourself, though, I hope you'll also notice from time to time that that's what you're doing -- dumping on yourself -- and that it has almost nothing to do with telling the truth about yourself.

Maybe I need to enough to knock some sense into me.

More likely, you need to back off and give yourself a break. The trouble with is that it makes it harder, not easier, for you to see what's going on -- and it's that, not "knocking sense into you," that shows the most promise of getting you unstuck.

Someone please me so I can wake up out of this nightmare and have a real life.

You have just been d. Good luck!

[Confused_1982]

THe exact same thing happened to me a couple of weeks ago. T said I to think about whether this therapy/therapist was the right one for me. The minute he said that, all I could hear was T doesnt want to know me anymore, he is going to abandon me, he hates, et etc. I am also bpd so I thought, I am too difficult for him to cope with me and he has finally given up on me just like I always knew he would. He did say he hoped I still want to work with him, and that he did want to help me, but I couldnt hear it.

I left session feeling the worst I have ever felt. I honestly didnt know what to do. I ended up emailing him, telling him how hurt I was that he even mentioned another T, that I felt he was abandoning me, etc. He replied basically saying, I really want to work with you and help you, but I have to bring up alternitves if you think this t is not working for you (I had never brought this up in the first place). I havent seen him since as we have had conflicting diaries, but I have emailed him a couple of times, and he has reassured me that he does want to help me.

Maybe you could bring it up with T at your next session, or take your post. I dont think T is abandoning you at all- he is just letting you know that if he is not sure how else to help you in the future, there are other Ts who can, but he still DOES want to help you. I think he is showing you that he wants you to get better, and wants the best for you.

[lonegael]

((((((((oh,TBM)))))))! Now I understand better. It sounds likehe's trying to say that even if he can't help he will find you someone who can!!That's not abandonment, dear, even if it feels like that. It's care. Kepp posting, OK? Let us know what's happening

(((((((((((((((trying))))))))))))))))

I think that would be pretty triggering for me too...even in the securely attached phase I seem to be in! When I started therapy, being referred was my BIGGEST fear...it still pops up from time to time. I was sure I was "too much", and I figured it was just a matter of time before T gave me the boot.

What seemed to get me through it was two things...the first was just talking about it with T, as much as I needed to. And the second was showing up week after week after week and finding T still there, still willing to work with me.

It sounds from what you said that T is committed to working with you...I don't think he would have said that if it wasn't the truth. But that doesn't mean that it's not okay to ask for more reassurance if that's what you need

Be gentle with you!

[tryingtobeme]

Thanks everyone. I did talk to T last night and cleared things up. He wanted me to know that if things don't seem to be going right, if we get stuck and I am not progressing, he knows 2 T's that specialize in BPD. One of which was his professor that taught him. Also, if the time would come that I choose to move to another T or if he thought we were not making progess we would discuss and there would be a transition phase where my feelings would be talked about and worked out before I stoped with him all together. So if anything I would be seeing 2 T's for a time period until I was ready to move completly to the new one.

So with all that said, I am feeling much better knowing that he won't abandon me. Well at least not in this case.