Oh my gosh.

I saw T today and it was, by FAR, the worst session ever. I don't have the time or energy to type it out, but T blew it, BIG TIME. I told H about it when I got home, and H, who really knows nothing about therapy and doesn't understand it at all, actually reached out and held my hand while I was telling him. And he just looked over at me sadly and said "you poor thing".

H keeps asking...did T hit his head or something? We are both totally confused.

I really really really really really don't know if I can go back to T. He didn't break confidentiality or cross boundaries or anything, he just screwed up. But the way in which he screwed up makes me wonder if I will ever be able to sit there and tell him anything ever again.

I walked out before the end of my session, and I told him maybe I would e-mail him. I won't be home until 10:30 tonight (I'm just stopping by right now) and I'll be gone pretty much all day tomorrow, so I ended up leaving him a voice mail message.

I guess I will see how he handles this. What sucks is if I leave therapy now, I'll definitely need therapy to get over my therapy. Argh.

I still stand by everything I've said lately about letting ourselves be attached etc., if you have a good T. I just don't know if I have a good T.

BLAH.

[fallenangel337]

Tree, I am SO sorry that this happened to you. This sounds absolutely awful to deal with, and I'm so sorry that you're going through this.

If you don't mind me asking, what exactly happened? You don't have to tell if you don't want to.

Be super kind to you, and you will get through this. I hope everything works out for the best.

Oh, Tree! I'm so sorry. I hope this works out for you, whatever that looks like. I'm in shock! I'm horrified! Your T was supposed to be one of the best! If he can muck things up beyond repair, then any of our T's can!

[rainbow8]

(((((tree))))),

I DO believe you have a good T. You have a WONDERFUL T!! At least from everything you've written about him and about your sessions. But even wonderful people and Ts goof up sometimes. Didn't you just post about working out differences with your T? Whatever it is, I am sure it's not the end.

[snow77]

((((((((tree))))))))))) so sorry that has happened to you I hope it's not the end for you both.

[velcro003]

aw tree!!!! I don't know what it is, but hopefully it can be explained, he can apologize, and you guys can move forward. I am so sorry!!

[crystalrose]

tree. So sad to hear your having problems with T. Hope that it can be figured out. post more if u can or want.

[Indie'sOK]

((((( tree ))))) I'm so sorry this is happening tree From what you've told us in the past, it sounds like you have a good T. I hope this gets worked out soon

[Amazonmom]

Treehouse, you don't have to share if you don't want to. But something awful must have happened in that session for you to be this upset.

I know I don't post a lot in here but I want to let you know all of us are here to listen to you, no matter what you want to say.

[ECHOES]

treehouse, I have faith in the solid foundation and history with your T.
The worst session ever can be... just the worst session ever, without being more. I know I am talking about something I know no particulars about, but like I said.. I have faith in the solid foundation and history that is you and T.

I hope you are doing okay (((((treehouse)))))

[sunrise]

((((( treehouse ))))) Maybe with a little more time and distance from the session, what happened will not seem so irreparable. You two have such a strong relationship and have shared so much. I feel like with that foundation, the relationship will endure. Hang in there. I'm glad you are busy tonight and tomorrow so the events of your life can help carry you through those first hard days after a tough session.

(((((((((((((((((((((((tree)))))))))))))))))))))))))

i am so very sorry t has let you down so badly. maybe he did hit his head against a wall so to speak. let us know if we can do anything to support you at this time. it sounds like you've had a whole lot of turmoil since sharing such big things with him last session. please take gentle care of sweet tree.

[googley]

((((((Treehouse)))))))
I'm so sorry that you are having such a hard time with T. I hope that you are able to discuss this with him. Do you see him again this week? Take care of yourself and let us know how you are doing.

[BlueMoon6]

(((((((Tree)))))) Oh my gosh. I am SO incredibly sorry you are feeling this way. When I first read this I wrote something and then deleted it all. I wrote that I was in shock, and how could this happen? But I dont feel that way. I think t f***ed up. Of course, I dont know what he did, but it could be, it just COULD be that you have a very very special relationship with him. Most of us here dont do/have this kind of thing with our t's. You are close, very close. And T is close to you. It could be that he was not as appropriate as he could be because of that closeness. You spend a lot of time with him, he is very professional and it could just be that this interaction wasnt as professional as it could have been.

You must be very hurt and very angry. And I am so very very sorry, Tree. And I think you and t will do the work to sort this all out. I am sure of it. I know you are hurting now, and when you are hurting it is so hard to hear. But I think you have a solid relationship.

Please post when you get back at 10:30. I am thinking about you, my dear friend

[billieJ]

Can you possibly ask him why he did or said such a thing? Or can you even go back. I can't imagine something as horrible as violating confidentiality or something like that, and you said it wasn't that. He must have REALLY blown it big time, and I'm so sorry that it had to be with you. Caring about your hurt, Tree ~ billie

[wendylogan63]

i appreciate the comment "I'll need therapy to get over my therapy" I can sort of relate to it on a different level, in which I will need therapy to end therapy.

I hope this all gets straightened out for you. I know how upsetting it is when things dont go good in a session or when they say something that just floors you.

[deliquesce]

ugh. i'm upset on your behalf, ((((Tree)))).

i hope T is able to make things right. you guys have had such a strong relationship, that maybe it really is a case of T hitting his head. e.g., the time when pdoc told me "suicide is inevitable for some people" after i had just disclosed about my mega immediate plans, and then let me walk out of the room without so much as an offer of a further appt. i was like WTF?!

sometimes good ppl really let the ball drop. but you've given T a chance to respond, and i am sure he will make amends somehow. ]

take care of yourself in the meantime, hon .

[jexa]

oh wow (((((tree))))) I'm so sorry. T really really messed up. I hope there's a way he can repair the relationship -- it was so strong, how could he do something to throw it away like that?

Does he know he was out of line?

Originally Posted by sunrise

Maybe with a little more time and distance from the session, what happened will not seem so irreparable.

I've been at a baseball game since I posted. I guess I just feel kind of numb now... I don't know what's going to happen. He didn't do anything mean or inappropriate...just screwed up big time.

I just want to crawl into a hole. I really truly don't know WHAT to do. I don't like the feeling of not being connected to T...but maybe I was never really connected in the first place.

Maybe therapy was a stupid idea. My life is really fine.

I just wanted to add a big, teary THANK YOU for all of your posts. I feel SO unbelievably alone, but after reading all of the posts, I feel a little less alone. I can't even tell you how much that means to me.

PC is the best

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((((((((( treehouse ))))))))))))))))))

[fallenangel337]

((((((((((((((tree))))))))))))))))))

Just wanted to stop by and offer more hugs.

[Miracle1986]

(((((((((tree)))))))))
I love you!

[Indie'sOK]

More hugs for you, Tree

[darkrunner]

Originally Posted by treehouse

I guess I will see how he handles this.

I think you should hang on to this thought, dearest Treehouse.
You have had plenty of ruptures with T, and he has always handled them well. You just wrote in a different post that when he has hurt you, it was never the END, but a "bump in the road", and when you talked about it and processed it, you became closer and more secure in your relationship.
I hope you still plan to give T a chance to handle this, and repair it.
It may seem insurmountable now, but as Sunrise said, maybe once you get some distance from the hurt and bewilderment, it may seem more managable.
Hang in there, ok? Try not to make any decisions right now.
Lots of and and understanding and support.