[fallenangel337]

How many of you have asked T if he/or she gives hugs? How did you do it? What was his/her response?

I've seen a few people on here who say that their T gives hugs after sessions, or on other occasions, so just wanted to know how you asked about your T's hugging policy.

I've been with my T for about a year and a half, and I've never asked her. I would like to, because I feel like it could be a good source of comfort and healing for me, but I'm too nervous to bring it up. I don't know why I'm so nervous about it, but I am.

I would just like to hear from anyone else who has gone through this, if you don't mind sharing.

[velcro003]

You know I thought about this when I read your other thread. I could NOT even imagine wanting a hug from my T, nevermind asking for one! I've been with her for almost 2 years too.

[sittingatwatersedge]

I don't think it's so much that I want a hug from my T - but sometimes I want to give her one. a gratitude thing I guess, for not having run screaming during the session?

[jexa]

I'd be scared to hug my T! But I don't like people touching me..

My tdoc doesn't give hugs. Just a professional boundary he has set for himself. I respect that. Doesn't bother me. I would feel odd asking for a hug. Somehow doesn't seem natural.

[WePow]

I would love a hug from my T - my Little One inside loves hugs. But my angry alter does not like them. Hugged T one time then went into major shame about it the next day. Then if T does not offer a handshake I have a bad next day. So now we have settled on a nice handshake. I think he has issues about that but he extends himself because he knows I need that from him for some reason ... and so a handshake it is. Thanks for asking the question! Good one!

[Indie'sOK]

I haven't asked yet, but I really want to. I don't know, I just love the caring feeling that a hug creates. I've always pictured us hugging at my last appointment. It would be nice if it happened sooner though

[fallenangel337]

Originally Posted by IndieSoul

I haven't asked yet, but I really want to. I don't know, I just love the caring feeling that a hug creates. I've always pictured us hugging at my last appointment. It would be nice if it happened sooner though

I feel the same way. I can't explain where the need comes from, but i feel like it would be nice.

I brought it up with my T by asking him how he felt about touch in therapy...kind of a general question. I was actually asking because I wanted to be GOOD AND SURE that he would never, EVER touch me

Obviously, things have changed since then, and I am very comfortable with touch with T. I'm glad, because touch is important to me in general...I like to hug, hold hands, lean on people, etc. That's just who I am, and I actually am really glad I can be myself in that way in therapy.

T has really good boundaries, and there was a LOT of talking about it before there was ever a hug (or any touch at all, actually). I'm glad, because it helps me know that I am safe. It is a HUGE THING for me to be able to feel that safe.

Are you going to ask your T about it, angel??

angel, forgive me if you read my other thread when I talked about this, but I'll give you a recap of last night's convo on hugs:

T and I were talking about what it would look like for me to be 'challenging' - I said I would maybe push a boundary, like ask T if she gives hugs. I quickly said that I wasn't even sure I wanted a hug from T (I think that was more me protecting myself in case T said no), but I had wondered about it. So T asked how I feel about hugs overall - I told T that I love hugs, that I hug family and friends all the time, I'm a big hugger. T wondered if there had been a time when I thought that I really would've liked a hug, and I said after my 'emergency' session, yes. I also told T that sometimes, it gets lonely, living alone and going awhile without physical contact - I started crying a bit here. T said we're meant to touch, that there's a reason people sleep in the same bed, for that touch and that intimacy. Then T said that she would have been more than happy to give me a hug after that session. So then we talked about how I wanted to respect T's boundaries, and not just start to walk out of a session and turn around and engulf her in a hug - T said that if I were to do that, she'd bring it up next session and ask me why I did that. So T said I can ask for a hug... but I didn't! And then at the end of the session, I noticed that T really paused before she opened the door, like she's never done before - I wonder if she thought I was gonna ask her for a hug! I just couldn't - it was such a great session, but I didn't feel like it was the right time to let T know that I needed a hug. I don't know now if I'm saving it up for a time when I really need it or what... I think part of it, too, might have been that I already felt so cared for and emotionally held by T in that session, that I didn't feel like I needed a hug.

[fallenangel337]

Originally Posted by treehouse

Are you going to ask your T about it, angel??

I would like to, but I don't think I ever would unless it came up on its own. I don't know why, but I'm scared to bring it up.

[fallenangel337]

Originally Posted by dreamseeker9

angel, forgive me if you read my other thread when I talked about this, but I'll give you a recap of last night's convo on hugs:

T and I were talking about what it would look like for me to be 'challenging' - I said I would maybe push a boundary, like ask T if she gives hugs. I quickly said that I wasn't even sure I wanted a hug from T (I think that was more me protecting myself in case T said no), but I had wondered about it. So T asked how I feel about hugs overall - I told T that I love hugs, that I hug family and friends all the time, I'm a big hugger. T wondered if there had been a time when I thought that I really would've liked a hug, and I said after my 'emergency' session, yes. I also told T that sometimes, it gets lonely, living alone and going awhile without physical contact - I started crying a bit here. T said we're meant to touch, that there's a reason people sleep in the same bed, for that touch and that intimacy. Then T said that she would have been more than happy to give me a hug after that session. So then we talked about how I wanted to respect T's boundaries, and not just start to walk out of a session and turn around and engulf her in a hug - T said that if I were to do that, she'd bring it up next session and ask me why I did that. So T said I can ask for a hug... but I didn't! And then at the end of the session, I noticed that T really paused before she opened the door, like she's never done before - I wonder if she thought I was gonna ask her for a hug! I just couldn't - it was such a great session, but I didn't feel like it was the right time to let T know that I needed a hug. I don't know now if I'm saving it up for a time when I really need it or what... I think part of it, too, might have been that I already felt so cared for and emotionally held by T in that session, that I didn't feel like I needed a hug.

I did read your thread, and I would just like to say how brave you are for bringing it up!

Your thread is actually what got me to thinking about it.

[onlymedid]

I hug my T after every session. It just makes me feel more connected to her. She was the one that brought it up first. I think I was in my second session with her and she said, "Do you need a hug? Because you look like you do." and I said yes and ever since then....it's just one of those comforting things that happens.

[velcro003]

I have a feeling my T doesn't do hugs. She seems more reserved. She shook my hand on the day I first met her and thats about it. She did pat my back on the way out one day after a tough session. But, last week ended not so well and she just said "take a deep breath" on the way out...so. Yah. I really don't want hugs, but I just couldn't picture it either. She doesn't evoke motherly feelings in me, so who knows.

[fallenangel337]

I don't know whether my T gives hugs or not, and I can't really assume either way. I definitely think she has strong boundaries regarding touch, regardless of the situation. the only time she has even come close to touching me was one time when she was looking at my arm, and she tried to move my hairband to see it better. Even then, she was super careful to not even accidentally touch me, so yea...I don't know.

[velcro003]

Yeah, but don't you think you can generally get a feel if someone is huggy? THey are more open in some way. My T doesn't seem like that.

[fallenangel337]

Originally Posted by velcro003

Yeah, but don't you think you can generally get a feel if someone is huggy? THey are more open in some way. My T doesn't seem like that.

Maybe I was just born without that sense. I can't tell either way.

[Indie'sOK]

Originally Posted by fallenangel337

I would like to, but I don't think I ever would unless it came up on its own. I don't know why, but I'm scared to bring it up.

I'm scared to bring it up as well. For me, it's like if she said "no, my policy doesn't allow hugs" I'd feel embarrased and vulnerable. What do you think your reason is for being scared?

[fallenangel337]

Originally Posted by IndieSoul

I'm scared to bring it up as well. For me, it's like if she said "no, my policy doesn't allow hugs" I'd feel embarrased and vulnerable. What do you think your reason is for being scared?

I think the embarrassment is definitely a factor. I've always felt guilty about asking for things...

[Indie'sOK]

(((angel))) I know what you mean, I feel that way sometimes too. No need to feel guilty though - your needs are as important as anybody else's. Have you asked T for things in the past?

[Brightheart]

During my sessions, I can remember wanting to hold his hand, but I was always afraid to ask. Looking back at him and our relationship, I think now that he would have obliged if I'd ever asked. At my last session (first last session), I wanted to hug him goodbye, but only asked for a handshake. He offered a hug instead. I remember squeezing him and him squeezing back. Very comforting.

Whenever I see him out in public now, I always want to hug him. I know that I can't...I'm grateful for the one hug that we shared. I won't ever forget that.

[fallenangel337]

Originally Posted by IndieSoul

(((angel))) I know what you mean, I feel that way sometimes too. No need to feel guilty though - your needs are as important as anybody else's. Have you asked T for things in the past?

Unless I was asking for a rescheduled appointment, no. I'm a little better with asking for things that I need as opposed to those I don't. I don't need a hug, but it would be nice.

[Indie'sOK]

Originally Posted by fallenangel337

Unless I was asking for a rescheduled appointment, no. I'm a little better with asking for things that I need as opposed to those I don't. I don't need a hug, but it would be nice.

It so would be nice Whenever I worry about talking about something that I'm not so comfortable with, I just think that the right time will come when I will be able to talk about it. Maybe it's the same with asking about hugs?

[sw628]

Fallenangel))))

I've been with my T for a year now. My T and I were doing Art Therapy one day in session and I felt this strong urge to hug her. It was so intense and I felt slightly embarrassed. The next week I sent T an email about how i felt and she addressed it in session. She told me you know sw628, I just terminated with a client and we shared this big hug at the end. But why wait until the end? This is when we began to hug each other at the end of every session. She wraps me in her arms and I feel safe and loved in that moment. It's always a long hug that generally initiates a second hug. She has good boundaries and so do I, but that doesn't stop her from sitting next to me on the couch or hugging me at the end. Don't be afraid to ask T for what you need, including hugs.
Hugs to you!!

[fallenangel337]

Originally Posted by sw628

Fallenangel))))

I've been with my T for a year now. My T and I were doing Art Therapy one day in session and I felt this strong urge to hug her. It was so intense and I felt slightly embarrassed. The next week I sent T an email about how i felt and she addressed it in session. She told me you know sw628, I just terminated with a client and we shared this big hug at the end. But why wait until the end? This is when we began to hug each other at the end of every session. She wraps me in her arms and I feel safe and loved in that moment. It's always a long hug that generally initiates a second hug. She has good boundaries and so do I, but that doesn't stop her from sitting next to me on the couch or hugging me at the end. Don't be afraid to ask T for what you need, including hugs.
Hugs to you!!

Maybe I can slyly bring it up...like sigh and say, "I need a hug right now...." I'm always taking the long way around things.