Has anyone else felt like this?

My T has asked me a couple different times now if I wanted to continue with T. And I can't stop thinking that he is trying to get rid of me or something. Like I'm draining him, I'm difficult or he just doesn't like me.

I am new to therapy. I didn't really want to start in the first place. I went to humor my dr. so he'd continue to prescribe my meds. He wasn't going to refill my script unless I tried additional treatment. So I reluctantly made the appointment. Well, it turns out that I NEED therapy because I do have issues going on that aren't going to just go away. No matter how long I ignore them. But I really have a hard time really talking about some things. And at times steer the conversation away from what hurts. He has told me that in talking about stuff that I will most likely feel relief. And it won't always be so hard. I have told him that I don't like thinking about things as much as I do now. That it stresses me out.

I can't help but wonder if my T doesn't like me or if I am just too much for him. Too draining. Like I am one of THOSE patients that he dreads. I don't want to be THAT patient.

Is it normal to feel like you are over thinking everything? Am I making it worse?

Why dont you try asking him what he means by that and why he keeps asking you, tell him if you didnt want to continue with therapy, you certainly wouldnt be spending the money to see someone you didnt want to see.

(((((((((((((polarsmom)))))))))))))))

I agree with rainydaygirl...I think I would want to ask T why he was asking me that question.

Being reluctant to talk about painful and hard things is so normal. What has helped me is talking about not talking about it. We talk about why I'm scared to talk, what I'm afraid will happen, things like that. And somehow, talking about not talking about it makes me feel more safe...because at least I'm talking about something, and I'm being heard and supported...and often that will lead into being able to talk about the painful things a little bit.

Therapy is a slow process. It took me a long, long time to really be able to open up to T...and almost two years into therapy, he is just now hearing some things for the first time. It's important to feel safe so you CAN open up...it took me a long time to get to that feeling of safety.

I wonder if you can talk to him about your fears?? That he dreads you coming in, that he's trying to get rid of you..that seems like really important stuff.

Yeah, to me....it is important stuff. I have abandonment issues. Especially with men. And just thinking about talking to him about it makes me get teary eyed. I don't know why I have this feeling with him already.

And I hate that I tear up so easily. I am so damn emotional!! It's embarassing.

Ts like this, because it means they're getting somewhere. Maybe you are having trouble talking in therapy because you don't want to embarrass yourself or get emotional. It is OK in therapy to do those things. Your T will not laugh at you or think there is something wrong with you. I am sure your T is hoping that at some point you will trust him enough to show your feelings to him.

A way to relieve yourself of this is to ask him your questions--does he dread your visits, are you too much for him, etc. Then you can hear the answer straight from the horse's mouth and stop speculating about what he thinks and feels. I think an important thing I have learned (or am still trying to learn) in therapy is not to make assumptions about what other people think and feel. It is better to ask them than to guess. Often, when we guess, we seem to guess the worst possible scenario and can drive ourselves crazy with our assumptions and start to believe they are true.

(((((((Polarsmom)))))

Youve gotten some good replies here. I agree that the bes thing to do is to discuss your fears with him. And if you get teary-eyed, its OK, just keep talking. I am the same way. I tear up easily and if it happens in therapy and I feel embarrassed, I just say so. "Im embarrassed that I am tearing up over this, its so hard." That kind of thing. The more you do it and discover that t is safe and a person to trust, the easier it will be to access your feelings. And find out why you are there in the first place.

And I dont think you are overthinking it at all. Or making it worse, I think you are actually making it better by being so aware of what is going on with your feelings. Then next step is to let t know and go from there.

Hi Polarsmom,

My last T said stuff like this all the time.....if I felt like I need a higher level of care like hospitalization, partial or IOP. I felt the same way....as if she was trying to get rid of me, if I was too difficult, or not doing well enough to satisfy her. I never asked her about it, but looking back I wish I had.

It can be really hard to question T's when we are confused about what they say and what it really means. But I am learning that good T's welcome such questions. There are lots of ways we can misinterpret things and assume the worst, especially when what we hear can be colored and affected by our past.

Maybe if it's hard to bring it up with her....you can talk about THAT....meaning you can tell her there is something bothering you but you are nervous about telling her. She will most likely address your fears and reassure you, and this might make you feel better about bringing it up.

I like this suggestion. Thank you. I usually have a hard time saying/asking stuff if I am afraid to hear the answer. Maybe this will make it a little easier to bring up the topic rather than blurting it out.

I am better at writing notes instead of talking. When I talk about stuff the matters it hurts. Like saying it out loud makes it real. Then all my emotions take over. I have even considered writing in my journal about this. And then bringing that to him to read. A cop out. I know.

I dont think its a cop out. I think its a great idea. There will be a time when you can do it another way, but it sounds like a pretty good way to get the words out. I have done things like that, too. Let t read it instead of me reading it to her.

Not a cop out at all. Whether bringing it up by talking about it or writing about it, it is a brave thing. Let us know what you decide to do!