For example: feeling that your T can't connect.... or feeling that your T hates you or looks down on you. Clearly these are things that we battle with, but how can you tell the difference?

I feel like my issues are getting so caught up in T search that I can no longer distinguish whether the T is good anymore and maybe I am running away for my OWN reasons....

Thoughts?

Tollhouse

That sounds very hard! I guess there are two ways you could tell. Have you discussed your feelings with T? Is your T open to feedback? I definitely let my T know if she says or does something I don't like, and she wants me to be even more challenging with her - I like that, even though it pushes me outside of my comfort zone, but that's probably the point!

The other option, if you feel like you just can't talk about this with your T, is to talk to another T. Tell that T what's going on, and ask that T to be very honest in providing you feedback. My T told me that it's very important for her to recognize what her patients bring up in her - if she feels anger or feels the need to really help the patient, those are all important insights into how the patient interacts with people in general. If you feel like you can't talk to your T, or think a fresh perspective would be the best way to go, try talking to a new T - even one session may shed some light on this.

Good luck!

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by Tollhouse

For example: feeling that your T can't connect.... or feeling that your T hates you or looks down on you. Clearly these are things that we battle with, but how can you tell the difference?

I would talk to your T about it. There is nothing to lose, really, as things sound like they aren't working the way they are now. Maybe your T will also feel there has not been good connection between the two of you. That would validate what you have been feeling. It might also be helpful to her to know you would like to connect more deeply with her. I think there are some types of therapy where the T doesn't really try to connect, and if you talk about this with your T, you might learn that she doesn't do therapy where connection is a part of it. And then you would know that is not what you want and can look elsewhere. I think a good talk with T will help you get clarity. Good luck.

[BlueMoon6]

Hi Toll- I agree that talking about it with your t is the best way to go. Now, that said, and having just dealt with this myself with dt, I think we all have a sense, and internal wisdom that knows when something is our issue and when it might be t's issue. Do you really think it may be the kind of therapy she provides and that she may be a little cold and judgemental. I think we pick up on these things and easily tell ourselves it is us and our issues, but it may not be.

Talk to t, and listen to get a sense of how she hears you. There are lots of questions you can ask to get an idea of whether the t is interested in connecting and how important she believes the theraputic relationship is.

I think if I had used more of an ear for evaluating dt's interactions with me I wouldnt have stayed nearly as long as I did.