Sunny's post in another thread made me think about this, how sometimes our unconscious seems to jump ahead of our own awareness and lets T know what we need in therapy. This really is an amazing concept! I think that our unconscious influences certain things in therapy that T picks up on, like body language, but how else can the unconscious let a T know what it is we need?

My T has seemed very attuned to my feelings from the get-go, so I wonder if she sometimes picks up on feelings that aren't even on my radar yet, at least at the conscious level. T will sometimes make an observation that won't resonate with me for another week or two.

I have my session this evening. While journaling this morning, I was reflecting upon T's comment last week that we are at an important place right now in therapy. I was thinking about why I think that's true, and also wondering why T said it - so I'm going to ask her more about it tonight. As soon as I made that decision, some emotional floodgates opened, and this intense feeling coursed through my body - it started in my stomach, as if it were filled with thousands of butterflies, and then traveled through my body - whoa! And now, every time I think about having that convo with T tonight, that feeling starts again. I didn't even think it was that important of a talking point until this feeling came up in me - I really think it's my unconscious, that it knows something that I'm not yet aware of, and that maybe whatever it is that's causing this intense feeling is near the surface of my consciousness. After last week's incredible session, I feel really safe with T, and I'm wondering if that safe feeling is helping me be more open to letting this feeling come up and not just stuffing it back down. And it's interesting that I only have this safe feeling because T told me last week that she'd be there for me, and she reassured me that she understands how I'm feeling, without me even having to ask her to do that. The feeling definitely has a scary element to it, a fear of the unknown, but I'm also very intrigued and want to know what's causing it, so I'm going to do my best to be very open with T about it tonight.

So if you've had this experience, of your unconscious letting your T know what you need before you were even aware that this is what you needed, what did that look like? How long did it take before you realized that this was what was happening?

Originally Posted by dreamseeker9

My T has seemed very attuned to my feelings from the get-go, so I wonder if she sometimes picks up on feelings that aren't even on my radar yet, at least at the conscious level. T will sometimes make an observation that won't resonate with me for another week or two.

Ha - my T has always done this too! I think it's their training and experience in part, in part just being really emotionally connected people. I think that's one of the things I liked about my T at first, she would always say things that I didn't expect, she was like 3 steps ahead of me before I even knew what I was thinking. And so she would ask me something, and I'd say "No, I don't think so", and then she'd totally let it go, no pressure...and weeks later, I would be like, Oh, yeah, I guess that was true. Anyway, I think this means I was giving her signals in some way as to how I was feeling even when I wasn't yet fully aware of my feelings. So that's sort of like her picking up on my unconscious, though not sure that's exactly what you mean...

[sittingatwatersedge]

Originally Posted by dreamseeker9

......how sometimes our unconscious seems to jump ahead of our own awareness and lets T know what we need in therapy. This really is an amazing concept! I think that our unconscious influences certain things in therapy that T picks up on, like body language, but how else can the unconscious let a T know what it is we need?

this was striking to me, but it's also strangely triggering. I wonder why.

[mightaswelllive]

I definitely know what you're talking about. I don't have specific experiences I can relate it back to but I remember my old T saying on a few occasions, "I sensed that was going on" and I would sit back and think, "whoa she's good!" But I think that phrase she used really says it all. Ts are taught to listen, really, really listen. Not just with their ears, but all of their senses. Their whole job is to be in tune with you. The only thing they can't do is feel your nervous system churning out those feelings - but they can definitely gain a sense of empathy from paying attention to the other cues.

To answer your question about realizing what was happening - I don't think it's a matter of realizing what's happening, I think it's more that we reach a growth point in therapy where we start to gain a lot more awareness about what's happening in us and around us. We are doing what the T does - listening, paying more attention.

It has always seemed like my tdoc is two or three steps ahead of me. He knows me really well, knows where I need to go, and steers me there one way or another. I know he picks up on the mistaken beliefs I have about myself that I've carried with me into adulthood. I don't always see these in a conscious way, but he does and he brings them to my attention.

Originally Posted by notme9

Ha - my T has always done this too! I think it's their training and experience in part, in part just being really emotionally connected people. I think that's one of the things I liked about my T at first, she would always say things that I didn't expect, she was like 3 steps ahead of me before I even knew what I was thinking. And so she would ask me something, and I'd say "No, I don't think so", and then she'd totally let it go, no pressure...and weeks later, I would be like, Oh, yeah, I guess that was true. Anyway, I think this means I was giving her signals in some way as to how I was feeling even when I wasn't yet fully aware of my feelings. So that's sort of like her picking up on my unconscious, though not sure that's exactly what you mean...

Yes, that's exactly what I mean!

this was striking to me, but it's also strangely triggering. I wonder why.

SAWE

I'm about to go to my session, I'll post later this evening how it goes.

[Perna]

What I found for me and my T was that, originally, I was emotionally ignorant so T didn't have to do much to impress me :-) but as time went by and I became a more rounded person, her character became more rounded to me too, and she became less "perfect".

I know my T explained to me once that she just followed emotion. "blah, blah, blah, it really hurt! (at which point I cry)" and she would work at that point. Exploring the emotion and working on things in the area I felt them and expressed that feeling, made it more likely I would do that better somewhere else. It was like widening the cracks of my shut up self until the shell busted.

I use to imagine it like a walled castle on a plain and I rarely came out of the gates and any interest in getting "in" was treated with shutting the portcullus, pulling up the drawbridge, cueing the alligators in the moat and the watchers with boiling oil on the ramparts, all in the space of a heartbeat. As I came to learn just how well defended I was :-) I was able to take more chances and go longer before slamming everything shut and then I'd do preliminary shutting but forgot the boiling oil and tar :-) and finally, after a mere 30 years, I ride out onto the plain all the time and out of sight of the castle and though I get frightened, I trust I'll be able to deal with it and that others will help more often than hurt.

[Melbadaze]

Great question!!

One incident i can remember was just before the upcoming summer break when I was frantically scanning T's bookshelves trying to find 2 books that held the same word in the title. T eventually said that she felt I was trying to express how it would feel to keep hold of our relationship whilst she was away, trying to find pairs, ie, me and her.

[polarsmom]

How'd the session go?

Originally Posted by polarsmom

How'd the session go?

I posted about it here, sorry!
http://forums.psychcentral.com/showthread.php?t=117718

[polarsmom]

LOL.... I read that post, I don't know how come I put the two together!!

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by dreamseeker9

Sunny's post in another thread made me think about this, how sometimes our unconscious seems to jump ahead of our own awareness and lets T know what we need in therapy.

Hmmm, I'm trying to recall what I said....

So if you've had this experience, of your unconscious letting your T know what you need before you were even aware that this is what you needed, what did that look like?

Sometimes I have had flashbacks. T says they come because I'm ready for them. Sometimes I have dreams and I share these with T. They come from my unconscious and they tell us a lot when we analyze them. My T has also told me he watches very closely in therapy (with all clients) for slight hesitations or changes in the client voice. He told me once he notices when the client looks down; whether it is to the right or left tells him something, although I can't remember what. He says he looks for all these little rough spots when the client is talking and notes them as places to return to and things that may need healing, and sometimes signs of other ego states manifesting. I think Ts are just very attuned to the nuances of another person's behavior, demeanor, mood, etc. Sometimes I feel that I must talk to T about a certain thing when I go to see him, and I am not sure why it is so important that I talk about that thing. I have learned to listen to that impulse in myself, and I think it is from my unconscious. I am not sure what it means, but I try to bring it to therapy, and there it can become apparent.

Sometimes when people write, "trust the process," I interpret that in part to mean trust your unconscious to communicate with T and trust his/her ability to hear it.

Originally Posted by sunrise

Sometimes I have had flashbacks. T says they come because I'm ready for them. Sometimes I have dreams and I share these with T. They come from my unconscious and they tell us a lot when we analyze them. My T has also told me he watches very closely in therapy (with all clients) for slight hesitations or changes in the client voice. He told me once he notices when the client looks down; whether it is to the right or left tells him something, although I can't remember what. He says he looks for all these little rough spots when the client is talking and notes them as places to return to and things that may need healing, and sometimes signs of other ego states manifesting. I think Ts are just very attuned to the nuances of another person's behavior, demeanor, mood, etc. Sometimes I feel that I must talk to T about a certain thing when I go to see him, and I am not sure why it is so important that I talk about that thing. I have learned to listen to that impulse in myself, and I think it is from my unconscious. I am not sure what it means, but I try to bring it to therapy, and there it can become apparent.

Sometimes when people write, "trust the process," I interpret that in part to mean trust your unconscious to communicate with T and trust his/her ability to hear it.

Sunny, thank you! I can really relate to everything you wrote. I've only recently started to have flashbacks, and at first I questioned whether or not they were real memories, but I'm realizing that they are indeed real memories. I agree with your T, that they come when we are ready for them.

I have very vivid dreams, T and I have spent a lot of time analyzing my dreams. I've had some dreams where I didn't know what my unconscious was putting out there, but T would gently point it out and ask if that might be true, and I would realize that it was - rather amazing how it works!

I agree that good T's are very attuned to the patient's verbal and non-verbal communication - my T has always seemed to be very attuned to me, I told her that a few weeks ago.

Last week, I felt how you described, that I had to bring up something to T. When I did bring it up, it didn't even seem like a big deal, but my nose would not stop itching - this has only happened once before in T, and T said that another patient of hers has the same thing happen when they're discussing something really meaningful. And then of course, the moment I leave T's office, my nose stops itching! But I agree, trusting the process means trusting both T and your own unconscious to guide you along this journey. Truly, it's been a gift to realize that I'm quite capable of knowing what it is that I need. The process has yet to let me down, though I don't always realize why we're headed in a certain direction until I look back on it in hindsight.

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by dreamseeker9

I agree, trusting the process means trusting both T and your own unconscious to guide you along this journey. Truly, it's been a gift to realize that I'm quite capable of knowing what it is that I need.

YES!!! This is exactly how I feel too. At my very first meeting with T, he said "only you know what you need to heal," and I took that so much to heart and have found that is true. I do know. A significant part of that knowledge lies in my unconscious. I think therapy has improved my ability to listen to and communicate with my unconscious. My T told me once that he and the lawyers "were in awe" of my ability to seek out what I needed to heal (vis a vis my split from H). I think my ability to do that isn't that special--we all have that, if we can unearth it--but my willingness to trust my unconscious is what has helped so much.

dreamseeker, I am glad you reached this place of trust. I think working with dreams can help give confidence in the unconscious. I have heard that some Ts will not work with dreams. That seems such a missed opportunity to build client trust in themselves! (BTW, my T never tries to tell me what a dream might mean. He just asks questions as we work through it. If I suggest a meaning, he might say, "yes, that is what I was thinking too," but that is about as far as he goes. I think he believes strongly that I am the one who knows what my dreams mean.)

Originally Posted by sunrise

my willingness to trust my unconscious is what has helped so much.

dreamseeker, I am glad you reached this place of trust. I think working with dreams can help give confidence in the unconscious. I have heard that some Ts will not work with dreams. That seems such a missed opportunity to build client trust in themselves! (BTW, my T never tries to tell me what a dream might mean. He just asks questions as we work through it. If I suggest a meaning, he might say, "yes, that is what I was thinking too," but that is about as far as he goes. I think he believes strongly that I am the one who knows what my dreams mean.)

Thanks, Sunny! Yes, I do feel like I've reached that place of trust. It sometimes falters, but it's mostly there.

I have a friend who helps me analyze my dreams - she's much better at it than I am, and while I am the only one who really can say, "Yes, that's what my dream was about," she helped me see certain aspects of my dreams. Now, I'm much better at interpreting them myself. My T will offer up interpretations sometimes when I'm drawing a blank, but I am very honest with whether or not they feel right - she did that last week, and I told her no, it's not right. So we talked for a few minutes more, and then the interpretation revealed itself - really amazing.