[BlueMoon6]

I wanted to post about my session with ftt today, but I feel like I just cant. Has anybody ever had this happen?

I feel like I just cant go back there. I need a break. It was a heavy session, about dt, my mother, csa and my father and I read the list of [ainful feelings I carry around about myself. I spoke about a dream I had that scared me, Ive had similar dreams before, but I have some sort of difficulty separating the dream from what could really happen to me.

I felt sort of like my head was spinning and had this underwater feeling while talking to her, and we talked about that. I am afraid I wont be able to ground myself if I go into it here again on the computer. Has anyone ever had these feelings? Fears of typing out your experiences in a session?

I just want to read along and talk about something else

Yes, there have been times when I've had to just put my session away somewhere for a while - even a few days - before I can let myself think about it and process it.

When I leave a session and don't feel grounded, I usually call a friend on the phone and ask them to talk to me about everyday stuff. I force myself to participate in the conversation, and just by talking about what's for dinner or whatever, it usually brings me back to the present so I can have my day. When some time goes by, I can journal or write here or do whatever I need to do to process the session.

It's okay to take a break, for sure. We can't work hard all of the time! I hope you are able to just let your mind rest this afternoon.

to you!!!

Sometimes you just have to get away from it and decompress.

BlueMoon It sounds like a really hard session.

I sometimes feel that way, absolutely. I always journal after a session, and sometimes, I start writing and then realize that I don't feel like journaling at all! And sometimes I don't feel like sharing with a friend who I usually bounce things off of after a session, or I don't feel like posting here - you're allowed to feel however you feel, it's certainly not wrong to feel that way.

Take care of yourself!!

[BlueMoon6]

I am having a very strange afternoon. I had to spend a lot of time in the car drving my kids here and there. I had been in a pretty good mood over the weekend and this morning. This afternoon I just wanted to put everything out of my mind, the session, what we talked about etc....I had the intention of returning to it and journaling when my kids go to sleep tonight. But I feel so depressed. I havent felt this way in a long time, I tried to be "normal" with my kids, and talk to teachers when I picked them up, but I feel like I have fallen into a this dark place. I cant smile, nothing seems funny, I everything feels blah and drab. I have this "whats the use" kind of feeling, but I dont really believe that, I was fine over the weekend. Its as if I have no motivation to even breathe.
I know its from the session. But Im not sure what to do now. Ftt talked to me about grounding and about not opening a pandora's box all at once. That she wanted me to be able to go very slowly so as not to dissociate and notbe able to function. After we were talking about some childhood things, she said there are books all over the internet about "the resilient child". That for whatever reason (and we have not been working together that long so we didnt get into reasons) I was able to have a family and try to have the things I didnt have as a child. I had never heard anything about a resilient child.

We were talking about integrating the small child that experienced my childhood with me. I remember saying something about not wanting to. That I was afraid to.

[darkrunner]

(((((((((((((((Blue Moon)))))))))))))))))

It sounds like your T was taking good care of you.

Hey, Blue - go easy on yourself, my friend! It's not fun, but it's perfectly normal to feel depressed after the session you had - you talked about some really hard issues! Allow yourself some leeway to process it all without pressuring yourself to be 'happy'. Because eventually, you won't have to fake the happy feeling.

[jexa]

((((blue))))

You talked about some tough things with T. Sometimes I think I would want to post about something like that to keep processing it.. and sometimes I think I just wouldn't be able to do that at all, especially if I felt depressed after.

Take gentle care of blue, ok?

[rainbow8]

I agree with the others, Blue. You're moving pretty quickly with a new T, and maybe it's TOO quickly. It's also painful to face the past. I can understand why you're feeling depressed. It's easier not to deal with the pain. You will get through this, though. I know you will! Take it easy and rest.

[BlueMoon6]

Thanks everyone for your responses to me. It helped me so much- just to rest and not think about it this evening. I was reading along here and didnt think I could post much.

Ftt told me to "ground' myself before and during when I post here and journal. I am trying to do that, but I am not too successful. I have to completely get out of what I am doing (like journaling) and then its hard to re-connect agian with what I am writing. I did write down what I could remember from my session. I think I wrote down facts and conversations, but not feelings.

You all gave me good suggestions to go slow, so I will trust you all on this. I DO want to do it all now! But I can see that I cant handle it all at once.

[Sannah]

I see that resilient child in you! I saw it from the first few posts that I read of yours. This might be a good thing for you to focus on for a bit so that you can put aside all the other stuff for a while???? By focusing on this resilience you would be focusing on your strengths which is very uplifting. Do you know what helped you be so resilient????