[~Blossom~]

T and I meet once per week. I want to see him more. He's really made a difference in my life. I told him over a month ago, I wished I could see him more than once per week...he told me he has a waiting list.

I'm not expecting any answers here. I guess I just have to write it out--maybe someone can relate....

The solution:
1) Talk to T
2) Talk to T about it
3) Tell T how you feel
4) Discuss with T

But what do you do when you have talked to T, and it's not possible to see T more often? I have read here that some see their T more than 1 x per week.....so-has anyone with set up weekly appointments increased the frequency of meetings?

I"m sort of confused. I know T cares about me. It's not realistic to see T more than 1 x week...but I want to see him more. Could this be the precursor to dependency?

Unsure what to think...what to say now...what to do. Sigh.

Maybe try to figure out what you think you'd get out of two times per week sessions and try to get it another way (e.g. more chances for connection, more time to process your feelings, etc.)

Does your T allow between session phone or email contact? I only see mine once a week, but during really intense periods of therapy, I did email her frequently between sessions. Is that an option for you? If not, can you write letters to T in between that you then share in session? That way you keep moving forward with processing during the week, even if you can't get in to see him.

Sorry that two times/week isn't an option with your T.

[~Blossom~]

Originally Posted by notme9

Maybe try to figure out what you think you'd get out of two times per week sessions and try to get it another way (e.g. more chances for connection, more time to process your feelings, etc.)

Does your T allow between session phone or email contact? I only see mine once a week, but during really intense periods of therapy, I did email her frequently between sessions. Is that an option for you? If not, can you write letters to T in between that you then share in session? That way you keep moving forward with processing during the week, even if you can't get in to see him.

Sorry that two times/week isn't an option with your T.

Thank you - notme9. I didn't connect those ideas to wanting to see T more often-though I have thought about such things. Good ideas to think about.

I've thought on numerous occassions - I want to ask him for his email address.....but I can't get myself to do it. I want HIM to offer his email address to me.

Since we started therapy, he's never outlined his policies about phone calls or emails. I never asked, either. There were no boundaries set. But I know he has different boundaries with different patients. He has told me so, though topics unrelated to phone calls/emails....

I feel I can tell him (just about) anything so far-after 3 months. Including any negative thoughts I have about our relationship - for example, I recently told him I thought he wasn't understanding a situation/how much it affected me-that he wasn't understanding the whole scope of the situation-he encouraged me to tell him anytime I feel angry with him, or if something he is doing is inadequate. I am comfortable with that....

But for some reason, I can't ask him for his email address, or if I could call him in between sessions. Surely, if he encouraged email or phone calls, he would offer? why is it so hard to ask about this?

Im confused. I feel I can express negative feelings about him, though there are few, but I can't even ask him about phone calls or emails...

blossom

It's great that you can talk to your T about those aspects of your relationship, when T does something you don't like - that's very important! I think, if you ask about phone calls and emails, you just need to make sure you are okay with hearing that no, T might not offer that. Of course, your T might want to discuss all of that.

I've been seeing my T for almost 7 months now. I think it was in the 3rd month that I had a dream that I started seeing T twice a week - I discussed it with T, but she didn't have any other evening openings, so it wasn't a feasible option. Three months later, T said that she felt I was often frustrated at the end of sessions, and she wasn't sure why - I hadn't even realized that I was feeling that way, but T was right - sometimes I was frustrated that I didn't get to bring up certain things, or that we didn't have more time to dig deeper. So T suggested that we do 2 sessions a week, but again she didn't have the evening availability. So I asked if there was anyone after me, T said no - I asked if she'd want to try a double session. T mentioned trying EMDR for some trauma work, she said a double session would be perfect for that. So we had one double session, part talking, part EMDR - it was very intense! A bit too intense for me. So then T said that she had a patient cutting back to every-other-Wednesday sessions, and would I want that every-other-Wednesday evening slot in addition to my every-Monday session? So I took T up on that, and it's been working out really well!

I think the point it, see if T can be a bit flexible. And if it's just not possible to do more sessions a week than what you have now, definitely ask about phone calls and emails - or ask about those anyway!

Good luck!

[polarsmom]

At this time I see my T once a week usually on Mondays. When I am having a really bad week, or we have an intense session he'll usually ask to see me again that week. I have done that a few times now. But to be honest, for me that additional session hasn't been necessary. By then things have improved, or I feel okay about what we've talked about in our previous session. So it felt kinda like a waste of time/money. So the last time I had an intense session I didn't add an appt. that week. He asked that I call him if I felt like I needed to talk. Having that option was comforting.

However, I do know what you are saying about wanting to see T more. There are usually a few times when I wish I could talk with T, NOW. I feel like I've been going over stuff in my head and I want to talk it out. Or I'm having a moment of weakness and feel needy or something. This recently happened to me. And I started jotting down all the stuff. I was going to call T later in the day, ask for an additional appt. or for a few minutes on the phone because I needed to talk about whatever it was I wrote down. Turns out I felt better just writing it down. I didn't end up calling T.

Maybe if you just write stuff out. But don't make that call until you wait an hour or so. See how you feel. Maybe you'll feel at ease about what's on your mind and see that it's not something that needs to be addressed pronto. And then before your next session expand on the stuff you've written down. Bring it with you.

I guess my t's office works differently. I schedule my appointments however often they are needed. Generally that is once a week or once every two weeks, but when I'm in crisis, he'll tell me he wants to see me again later that same week. It's a first come, first serve deal with his appointments. If he's booked, he's booked. If he's open, I can set an appointment.

[mixedup_emotions]

I see T every Thursday...but I go to group T every Tuesday and my T is the facilitator. So, 2x/week...and if there's a crisis, he encourages me to contact him to see if he can fit me in for an immediate session, because he feels that it is always best to explore issues "in the moment". It's gestalt based therapy, so as close to "in the moment" is ideal.

My T has made it clear that he doesn't like using e-mail as a way to communicate on issues, and he explained why - because words in an e-mail can be interpreted in different ways, and for him, it's important for him to SEE and HEAR what's going on, to get the full picture. But I do have his e-mail address and use it to e-mail him questions or informational stuff, usually related to scheduling, etc.

I know it's incredibly hard to ask T for what we need at times....I hope you are able to explore this with your T and figure out something that works for you. Even if it's just to better understand why you're feeling the way you are!

[zooropa]

I wish I could see my T more often, especially when I'm in crisis or now that I'm not attending weekly group any more. I'm too afraid to ask her, though, too afraid of what she'd think about me asking. More than anything I'm afraid of my abandonment/rejection triggers being hit, if I ask and she says no, I'm pretty sure it'd send me into a full out tailspin.

[smiley1984]

I just want to pose a few questions to ponder.
Why do you want to see T 2x a week, what are you hoping to achieve, what would be the goal? Do you think it will make a significant difference to your treatment plan?
Or have you become a bit attached to him and like talking to him and have someone listen. I understand you said that he has made a great difference in your life, I am happy for you and are making progress with the current regime. Why change what seems to be working so far. I sometimes would use a drug metaphor - is doubling your dose going to help you or could there be other unknown side effects. By relying on him too much is not really going to teach you how to survive in life without a T, which would be your ultimate goal I assume.

In my humble observations people often talk about seeing their t's more or contacting them when they are having a 'crisis'. I guess we all have different pathologies and a different view of what constitutes a crisis and I am of the view if you are not going to die/severely injure yourself you should try to make it thru yourself and if you are really that bad, you should probably good to the ER. I think some people like having more contact and then may subconsciously develop a habit of having constant crises just as an excuse to see T as part of transference or something making them want to see T more.
This is just my general opinion and I am in no way thinking of any particular person but like a drug, things can start for legitimate reasons and start sliding down a slippery slope unless your T is good at noticing this and setting boundaries, and can ultimately be detrimental to you.

Who knows what is best - I think you can only be guided by your doctors and therapists because they know you in real life and the problems you're struggling with.

[zooropa]

Originally Posted by smiley1984

.
This is just my general opinion and I am in no way thinking of any particular person but like a drug, things can start for legitimate reasons and start sliding down a slippery slope unless your T is good at noticing this and setting boundaries, and can ultimately be detrimental to you.

I just want to add to this that sometimes the process of the T having to set those boundaries can be very painful if you've already started a pattern of calling/emailing/texting them a lot. My T has a very clear outline of when to call her & has told me since our 1st session what that looks like, and it's still very difficult.

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by ~Blossom~

But what do you do when you have talked to T, and it's not possible to see T more often?

I think you just accept it.

Some have suggested you ask yourself why you want to see your T more often, and I think that is a really good question. Do you feel you want to make swifter progress right now, and more frequent sessions will help you do that? Do you need more support right now due to challenging life events? What did you tell your T was the reason you want to see him more frequently? If you know the reason and share it with him, maybe he can think of other ways to meet that need.

I asked my T once if I could see him a second time that week (not set up a regular twice weekly schedule). He said, no, he had no openings. I never asked again. He is often very booked up so one cannot make an appointment with only a few days notice like that, but I also wondered if maybe he just didn't want me to come twice. Maybe he thought that would not be best for me. I also have wondered if therapists have to be careful about exploiting their clients by seeing them too frequently. Clients can become very attached to them and like to be with them, and therapy costs an awful lot. Maybe it is good that someone puts the brakes on spending because otherwise the client might spend way too much on therapy, because they have become so attached. I actually wondered if my T said no to seeing him twice for ethical reasons. I pay 100% out of pocket for therapy, so if I saw him twice a week, that would be $250! Maybe he tries to protect people from themselves by saying no to twice a week.

It's not realistic to see T more than 1 x week...but I want to see him more. Could this be the precursor to dependency?

What does that mean to you to be dependent on your therapist? (I am not quite sure what it means when people say that!)

[Maven]

Geez, my T only wants to see me every two or three months. I don't mind it, except I don't want to wait that long to increase/decrease/change my meds. Life is passing me by, and I told him I wanted appointments more often (I really don't, but I want to be able to change the meds as soon as we realize the current dosages aren't working, so we can try something different), and he did that for about one or two appointments (about a month between), but he went back to the two or three months between appointments. It's frustrating, because I don't feel like he (or anyone) listens to me when I say life is passing by, and I don't have time to waste waiting for meds to do something different two months from now; if they're not going to work, we should be able to make changes at least every 2-4 weeks.

[TayQuincy]

If your T has a waiting list, then he is probably overloaded with patients to fit in. My T said no when I asked her if I could see her more often (I see her every other week) because as it is right now, she can barely get her patients in. I am lucky to have a set appointment every other week. some of her patients can't even get in to see her once a month!

I agree with sunrise, if he says he can't see you more than once a week, then I think you just accept it. That's what i did. Unless I want to find another T to work with, there isn't any other choice.

Originally Posted by smiley1984

In my humble observations people often talk about seeing their t's more or contacting them when they are having a 'crisis'. I guess we all have different pathologies and a different view of what constitutes a crisis and I am of the view if you are not going to die/severely injure yourself you should try to make it thru yourself and if you are really that bad, you should probably good to the ER. I think some people like having more contact and then may subconsciously develop a habit of having constant crises just as an excuse to see T as part of transference or something making them want to see T more.

This paragraph bothers me a bit. I have bipolar disorder, and my t insists that I call him and my pdoc when I see an episode beginning in order to AVOID going to the hospital. They are able to help me manage the episode rather than waiting until I deteriorate so far that I am a danger to myself.

He also insists that I see him more frequently while I am in an episode. I have the power to call and set up those appointments whenever I feel the need. It isn't a transference thing at all. It isn't about him.

I guess when you say "may subconsciously develop a habit of having constant crises just as an excuse to see T", I take offense to that. I think you are generalizing a bit. I can see that happening in some cases. I don't think that it is impossible. However, it certainly doesn't apply in all cases.

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by farmergirl

I guess when you say "may subconsciously develop a habit of having constant crises just as an excuse to see T", I take offense to that. I think you are generalizing a bit. I can see that happening in some cases. I don't think that it is impossible. However, it certainly doesn't apply in all cases.

I thought smiley was pretty careful to say "some."

"I think some people like having more contact and then may subconsciously develop a habit of having constant crises just as an excuse to see T as part of transference or something making them want to see T more."

I really appreciate when people let us know they aren't generalizing by using words like "some", so, thanks smiley! FG, from your description it sounds like you do not fall into the "some people" that smiley was referring to. I like that a T can be flexible enough to accommodate extra sessions when a person needs them, but I know it's not always possible.

Unfortunately, as TayQuincy wrote, some Ts really overload their practices with too many patients. I have asked one practitioner that I have (not my T) if she has ever considered limiting her patient load and not taking on new patients since her practice is overloaded and it takes weeks to get an appointment. She was thoughtful when I told her that and told me that she had no idea it was so hard to get an appointment with her (she doesn't do her own scheduling). I think if my T were horribly overloaded, I might also ask him why? If he has fewer patients, he still sees the same number of bodies per day, so his take home pay is the same. Why take on so many patients that you can't see them all at optimal frequency for their case?

Originally Posted by sunrise

I thought smiley was pretty careful to say "some."

Agreed.

Different people work on different things in therapy. IMO, feeling like you want to contact your T between sessions for one type of need versus another does not make you any better or worse. I think it can really vary by your particular issues and what your therapy is about. For example, my T has encouraged between session contact at various points. "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle."

W/r/t the idea of encouraging crises, I also agree that *could* be a risk. If I were a T, that would not be my policy.

[~Blossom~]

Thanks for all the replies

I think, if you ask about phone calls and emails, you just need to make sure you are okay with hearing that no, T might not offer that. Of course, your T might want to discuss all of that....Three months later, T said that she felt I was often frustrated at the end of sessions, and she wasn't sure why - I hadn't even realized that I was feeling that way, but T was right - sometimes I was frustrated that I didn't get to bring up certain things, or that we didn't have more time to dig deeper.

Dreamseeker - that's a big part of it. Both things you mentioned. The thought of him saying no ... and that the 50 minutes goes so fast (it seems like 25 minutes!), I too get frustrated at the end when we are onto something heavy or insightful, but have to quit just then. I'm glad EMDR helped you, and your therapist was able to accomodate you more often.

So the last time I had an intense session I didn't add an appt. that week. He asked that I call him if I felt like I needed to talk. Having that option was comforting...However, I do know what you are saying about wanting to see T more. There are usually a few times when I wish I could talk with T, NOW. I feel like I've been going over stuff in my head and I want to talk it out. Maybe if you just write stuff out. But don't make that call until you wait an hour or so. See how you feel.

Polarsmom - Yes, the comforting option...it's nice you have that if you need it. I guess I want him to offer it, rather than ask-fearing he will think this will start a pattern. (wow-maybe I'm just fearing his disapproval/rejection? but why does it only come up with this topic?) I've never called him before to ask for anything. I don't want to write it down because I want to see him in person. If I felt I *had* to call him, I guess I could write it down then think it over like you said. I have not yet felt I HAD to call him though.

I guess my t's office works differently. I schedule my appointments however often they are needed. Generally that is once a week or once every two weeks, but when I'm in crisis, he'll tell me he wants to see me again later that same week. It's a first come, first serve deal with his appointments. If he's booked, he's booked. If he's open, I can set an appointment.

Farmergirl, another who has a T that offers to come in for an extra session! Maybe it's because I'm not technically in a crisis that he doesn't feel it is necessary?

I see T every Thursday...but I go to group T every Tuesday and my T is the facilitator. So, 2x/week...and if there's a crisis, he encourages me to contact him to see if he can fit me in for an immediate session, because he feels that it is always best to explore issues "in the moment". It's gestalt based therapy, so as close to "in the moment" is ideal....My T has made it clear that he doesn't like using e-mail as a way to communicate on issues, and he explained why - because words in an e-mail can be interpreted in different ways, and for him, it's important for him to SEE and HEAR what's going on, to get the full picture. But I do have his e-mail address and use it to e-mail him questions or informational stuff, usually related to scheduling, etc. I know it's incredibly hard to ask T for what we need at times....I hope you are able to explore this with your T and figure out something that works for you. Even if it's just to better understand why you're feeling the way you are!

Mixedup Emotions - Thanks for the advice. We don't do gestalt, but I do agree with needed to see and hear...I think if I had his email address, I'd be sending emails unrelated to therapy. Topics we like to tak about that have nothing to do with me. Maybe it is better to avoid exchanging emails now that I think about this...

I wish I could see my T more often, especially when I'm in crisis or now that I'm not attending weekly group any more. I'm too afraid to ask her, though, too afraid of what she'd think about me asking. More than anything I'm afraid of my abandonment/rejection triggers being hit, if I ask and she says no, I'm pretty sure it'd send me into a full out tailspin.

Zooropoa - I love your screen name. Yes, I'm seeing that's part of my issue. Not so much the abandonment, I believe, but I'm thinking it's him saying no - the rejection of not letting me closer to him. My parents were so distant and unloving.

I just want to pose a few questions to ponder. Why do you want to see T 2x a week, what are you hoping to achieve, what would be the goal? Do you think it will make a significant difference to your treatment plan? Or have you become a bit attached to him and like talking to him and have someone listen. I understand you said that he has made a great difference in your life, I am happy for you and are making progress with the current regime. Why change what seems to be working so far. I sometimes would use a drug metaphor - is doubling your dose going to help you or could there be other unknown side effects. By relying on him too much is not really going to teach you how to survive in life without a T, which would be your ultimate goal I assume....In my humble observations people often talk about seeing their t's more or contacting them when they are having a 'crisis'. I guess we all have different pathologies and a different view of what constitutes a crisis and I am of the view if you are not going to die/severely injure yourself you should try to make it thru yourself and if you are really that bad, you should probably good to the ER. I think some people like having more contact and then may subconsciously develop a habit of having constant crises just as an excuse to see T as part of transference or something making them want to see T more.
This is just my general opinion and I am in no way thinking of any particular person but like a drug, things can start for legitimate reasons and start sliding down a slippery slope unless your T is good at noticing this and setting boundaries, and can ultimately be detrimental to you.

Smiley - Those are some really good questions. Writing out all these replies really helped me answer them-I guess I wasn't asking that of myself. I think I already answered some of the why's, but to address your specific questions, it does seem I've become a bit more attached to T. I think I do have some mild dependency issues-his comforting has contributed to my improvement. I want more of that..but also, I did not have therapy for years. I think in some ways I'm trying to make up for it. I want to get better, to the core of my problems. I think I am being impatient. I have sooo much to say to him, and sessions go so quickly...No crisis here. I am not worried about the slippery slope, I know I would not do that....I think I am worried about him worrying about the slippery slope. lol

But after reading all your comments and thinking about this, I don't think I want to call/email him. And I never have done that yet, or felt an intense "need". I think I just want to see him more, for various reasons...Apparently - one of them is my desire to be closer to him. Is this necessarily inappropriate/bad? It sure as hell was growing up. I think T likes that I am feeling more attached, I think he sees being more intimate as an improvement, considering things we discussed at the beginning of our relationship.

Thanks - all your opinions were very helpful.

[~Blossom~]

Originally Posted by sunrise

I think you just accept it....What did you tell your T was the reason you want to see him more frequently? If you know the reason and share it with him, maybe he can think of other ways to meet that need...I asked my T once if I could see him a second time that week (not set up a regular twice weekly schedule). He said, no, he had no openings. I never asked again. He is often very booked up so one cannot make an appointment with only a few days notice like that, but I also wondered if maybe he just didn't want me to come twice. Maybe he thought that would not be best for me. I also have wondered if therapists have to be careful about exploiting their clients by seeing them too frequently.

What does that mean to you to be dependent on your therapist? (I am not quite sure what it means when people say that!)

Those are some good points - protecting us from ourselves. I think of being overly dependent in terms of feeling the need for him to meet my emotional needs that were never met during childhood. I have mixed feelings about whether I should enjoy this or if it won't be helpful in the end - while it certainly has an affect on me now, will it continue for the long run? When I first brought it up wanting to come more often, I told him it was because I liked talking with him...it was a spontaneous thought.

Originally Posted by Maven

Geez, my T only wants to see me every two or three months. I don't mind it, except I don't want to wait that long to increase/decrease/change my meds. Life is passing me by, and I told him I wanted appointments more often (I really don't, but I want to be able to change the meds as soon as we realize the current dosages aren't working, so we can try something different), and he did that for about one or two appointments (about a month between), but he went back to the two or three months between appointments. It's frustrating, because I don't feel like he (or anyone) listens to me when I say life is passing by, and I don't have time to waste waiting for meds to do something different two months from now; if they're not going to work, we should be able to make changes at least every 2-4 weeks.

Two or threee months! I didn't go to therapy for years, but for meds, saw PDoc once a month. I really like having a psychiatrist who is also a T. I think it's better med management to go weekly, unless you have no problems with the medications you take. Did you ever consider a psychiatrist/therapist?

Originally Posted by TayQuincy

If your T has a waiting list, then he is probably overloaded with patients to fit in. My T said no when I asked her if I could see her more often (I see her every other week) because as it is right now, she can barely get her patients in. I am lucky to have a set appointment every other week. some of her patients can't even get in to see her once a month!

I agree with sunrise, if he says he can't see you more than once a week, then I think you just accept it. That's what i did. Unless I want to find another T to work with, there isn't any other choice.

I can accept it - or - has anyone had 2 Ts at once? Going twice a week to different Ts? I can't believe i just thought that!

Originally Posted by farmergirl

This paragraph bothers me a bit. I have bipolar disorder, and my t insists that I call him and my pdoc when I see an episode beginning in order to AVOID going to the hospital. They are able to help me manage the episode rather than waiting until I deteriorate so far that I am a danger to myself....He also insists that I see him more frequently while I am in an episode. I have the power to call and set up those appointments whenever I feel the need. It isn't a transference thing at all. It isn't about him....I guess when you say "may subconsciously develop a habit of having constant crises just as an excuse to see T", I take offense to that. I think you are generalizing a bit. I can see that happening in some cases. I don't think that it is impossible. However, it certainly doesn't apply in all cases.

I agree Farmergirl - it's different for different people. I don't have instablity problems, so for me, maybe it is more transference related. Calling Ts for what you described certainly makes sense.

Originally Posted by sunrise

I thought smiley was pretty careful to say "some."

Unfortunately, as TayQuincy wrote, some Ts really overload their practices with too many patients. I have asked one practitioner that I have (not my T) if she has ever considered limiting her patient load and not taking on new patients since her practice is overloaded and it takes weeks to get an appointment. She was thoughtful when I told her that and told me that she had no idea it was so hard to get an appointment with her (she doesn't do her own scheduling). I think if my T were horribly overloaded, I might also ask him why? If he has fewer patients, he still sees the same number of bodies per day, so his take home pay is the same. Why take on so many patients that you can't see them all at optimal frequency for their case?

My initial thoughts on this - why take on a new patient rather than increasing frequency. It could be lots of reasons. One scenerio I thought of was if T saw me 3 times per week, and I terminated or moved or whatever, it would be like suddenly losing 3 patients. Or if insurance policies change, and T can't or chooses not to accept that type of insurance anymore, it's best to have a mix of various insured/cash paying patients...could be what Sunrise said-maybe it is not best for us (I don't believe this is the case for me though). it could be they want to best serve the needs of the community...could probably think of more reasons...

Originally Posted by notme9

Agreed.

Different people work on different things in therapy. IMO, feeling like you want to contact your T between sessions for one type of need versus another does not make you any better or worse. I think it can really vary by your particular issues and what your therapy is about. For example, my T has encouraged between session contact at various points. "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle."

Thank you for that-not judging based on reasons. It's good discussion for others to learn from, and we can learn a lot about ourselves from the introspection.

I hope everyone has a bright and sunny day tomorrow.

[Dinah]

Well, if he's not willing, he's not willing. And if he's not willing, he's likely more comfortable with doing once a week therapy.

I can say it's a completely different experience, from once a week therapy to twice a week therapy. Once a week therapy for me was often a recounting of the week's events and spending time reconnecting. With twice a week therapy, recounting and reconnecting take almost no time at all. I can often walk in Friday continuing the conversation from Tuesday. It's easier to get into talk of my patterns and motivations, because it's all connected and not choppy.

I think it all depends on the type of therapy you're doing, and what your expectations are. Do I like more frequent connection? Yes, I probably do. I'm not as filled with need now as I used to be for him personally. But I think it's more that I wouldn't get nearly as much from once a week therapy at this point.

[TayQuincy]

I used to have therapy twice a week when i was seeing my first therapist. Now I see my t every two weeks. I feel more connected and much better seeing my T every other week. The reason is, when had twice a week visits with my first T, I became extremely dependent on her and it actually was not good for me. Oddly enough it felt like an eternity between sessions even though it was really just a few days in between It never felt like enough!. My T now says that she doesn't see patients with BPD (which I had) more frequently because it makes them worse due to dependency and transference issues. I think once a week is ideal, but every other week is better than 2X/week. But that's just me.

[~Blossom~]

Originally Posted by Dinah

Well, if he's not willing, he's not willing. And if he's not willing, he's likely more comfortable with doing once a week therapy.

I can say it's a completely different experience, from once a week therapy to twice a week therapy. Once a week therapy for me was often a recounting of the week's events and spending time reconnecting. With twice a week therapy, recounting and reconnecting take almost no time at all. I can often walk in Friday continuing the conversation from Tuesday. It's easier to get into talk of my patterns and motivations, because it's all connected and not choppy.

Thanks for sharing that, Dinah. I am having similar thoughts - recounting, etc. I'd sometimes like to continue stuff brought up at prior session, but it always seems to be discontinued, with new topics arising with each new session....

Originally Posted by TayQuincy

I used to have therapy twice a week when i was seeing my first therapist. Now I see my t every two weeks. I feel more connected and much better seeing my T every other week. The reason is, when had twice a week visits with my first T, I became extremely dependent on her and it actually was not good for me. Oddly enough it felt like an eternity between sessions even though it was really just a few days in between It never felt like enough!. My T now says that she doesn't see patients with BPD (which I had) more frequently because it makes them worse due to dependency and transference issues. I think once a week is ideal, but every other week is better than 2X/week. But that's just me.

TayQuincy - it's nice to hear your T was looking out for you - and that you are able to sustain the frequency of visits that works best for your situation.

Any opinions or personal experience about this feeling:
[quote=~Blossom~;1196095]Those are some good points - protecting us from ourselves. I think of being overly dependent in terms of feeling the need for him to meet my emotional needs that were never met during childhood. I have mixed feelings about whether I should enjoy this or if it won't be helpful in the end - while it certainly has an affect on me now, will it continue for the long run? When I first brought it up wanting to come more often, I told him it was because I liked talking with him...it was a spontaneous thought.

[hangingon]

I mentioned to my T that sessions once a week seem so far away, it's as if I am starting over every session. She said she thinks its because I am so hard on myself and feel like I am not making progress but honestly, I think it's because I easly lose the connection, it's hard for me to stay connected with her.

I think two times a week would be very beneficial for me but my T works at a university doing counseling full time and only does her practice two nights a week so it's probably impossible and of course I would never ask. If she really wanted to she could have suggested it when I made my comment.

I can see how you would want to go twice a week, personally, I'm sure I would make more progress at that connection level because I barely open up as it is.