[googley]

I had a really good session tonight. My T and I talked a lot about trust and feeling safe. She was totally open to hearing about my worries about confidentiality and such. I really felt that she wanted me to feel comfortable and she understood how I can be thinking one thing and feeling another. We talked about the last session and how it seemed (thanks to some great insight from people here) that I was looking for reasons to not trust her. She said that it totally made sense. I just felt like we jumped over a hurdle and hopefully this will be better. I realized that if I trusted her then I would make myself vulnerable again, and that was scary. I didn't want to go through the same thing that I just went through with my last T. I didn't want to get close. It made me feel good that she understood and was willing to talk about it all. She was great about talking about specific fears I had and hopefully I will be able to put those to rest and move on with the trusting and connecting. But she also said that we could talk about it any time. I didn't feel like a freak. I feel like she understood how scary it is.

[zooropa]

that's wonderful! It's great to be validated like that, isn't it? I'm really impressed with how open & honest you were able to be with your T, I hope I can get there someday.

Originally Posted by googley

I had a really good session tonight. My T and I talked a lot about trust and feeling safe. She was totally open to hearing about my worries about confidentiality and such. I really felt that she wanted me to feel comfortable and she understood how I can be thinking one thing and feeling another. We talked about the last session and how it seemed (thanks to some great insight from people here) that I was looking for reasons to not trust her. She said that it totally made sense. I just felt like we jumped over a hurdle and hopefully this will be better. I realized that if I trusted her then I would make myself vulnerable again, and that was scary. I didn't want to go through the same thing that I just went through with my last T. I didn't want to get close. It made me feel good that she understood and was willing to talk about it all. She was great about talking about specific fears I had and hopefully I will be able to put those to rest and move on with the trusting and connecting. But she also said that we could talk about it any time. I didn't feel like a freak. I feel like she understood how scary it is.

GOOGLEY - THAT SOUNDS AWESOME!!!!!!!!

Yay, googley! That sounds terrific!

I realized that if I trusted her then I would make myself vulnerable again, and that was scary.

This makes perfect sense. As I've gotten more comfortable with my T, trusting her more, I continue to test her more and more, almost seeing how far I can push her so that I can trust her completely and feel very vulnerable with her, so I can do the hard work!

What a great session!!! And I like your T!

[darkrunner]

Thanks for sharing your session, Googley!

Your T sounds great.

I'm glad you got some encouragement and insight from this forum. I've had the same experience here, and it's been really helpful to my therapy to have a place to process some of this stuff, where other people can help you see what you're missing.

Anyway, good work!