[crystalrose]

some therapists i have seen avoid giving advice however i saw Tpdoc the other day and she gave me very direct advice on how to handle a friendship relationship during this episode. I was very grateful for the advice. Do some other T give advice? And is it ok 4 them to?

[darkrunner]

My T *always* gives advice.
It can get pretty annoying because she makes it seem so easy to do what she is telling me. I think it is ok for them to do so - but your question is interesting and I would like to hear other's thoughts too!

[ECHOES]

Sure, it's okay for them to give advice.
But if they are going to help us deal with life ourselves, and as it comes at us, then they help us best by exploring what choice we make, why we make them, and other options that could be available.
To just offer advice.. would be leading us (not that this doesn't appeal to me!) and directing us, and while that might feel very nice, what happens when T is not there?
I would rather learn to be prepared for life-as-it-comes

[3velniai]

my t doesn't give advice, but on the other hand, I don't ask for it. She usually asks smart questions and makes summary of my rambles and leaves it for me to figure things out. Sometimes she gives sugestions for small things like some relaxation exercise, but that's about it. I don't think I would like her to give advice, it's not why I am seeing her. And besides, I like to create mess of my life by myself, without others telling me what to do, lol lol

[sunrise]

My T doesn't tend to give advice unless I ask for it. A few sessions ago I did ask for his advice, and it was one of the first times I had asked. He asked me a couple of times if I was asking for his advice, LOL, just to clarify I really wanted it. Then he dove in and gave me some really good advice! It was great to be able to make use of his expertise in this way.

[writingwithink]

I'm not sure if my new T will give advice (I hope so). However, I had one about 8 years ago who gave me the best advice I ever received: to never go back to the religion I had been kicked out of. I was at a moment when I was afraid and feeling I needed to return. Her advice saved me, and I'll be forever grateful to that woman; that golden woman!

My t definitely gives direct advice at times. Much of it has to do with how something needs to be handled if I am to handle it proactively and rationally, without repeating bad habits (usually pertaining to communication). He knows I take and leave what I want. But he doesn't mince words if he sees what I'm doing is going to make matters worse. I appreciate that about him. Totally honesty. He's not going to let me jump off a cliff without at least warning me first of the danger.

My T didn't give me advice right away, but she does now. Sometimes, it's really good advice (how to set boundaries with my mother). And sometimes, it's really bad advice (have casual sex to become more comfortable with my body). We've talked and talked each bit of advice over. My T can be very attuned to me, but sometimes she can really miss the mark - not often, but she is human. And she doesn't give advice frequently. I think it's okay, because her good and bad advice brings up new thoughts and feelings for me to explore.

[sittingatwatersedge]

Originally Posted by sunrise

......A few sessions ago I did ask for his advice, ........ He asked me a couple of times if I was asking for his advice, LOL, just to clarify I really wanted it. Then he dove in and gave me some really good advice! .

My experience too. Last year I stumbled across a tape made by my father (who was violent & unstable, & left us when I was 4), telling the story of his life. I called T, asking about whether I should listen to it or not (my sister had voted a big no).
During our long conversation T said,
1) I am not going to give you advice
2) I think you would be really brave if you did decide to hear it
3) I think you should hear it
and with (3), she added her advice - that I probably should not attempt it on a weekday, but on a weekend, so that if it was upsetting I would have time to calm down before facing the real world again; and that I shouldn't try to get through it alone, but bring in my DH for support. Those were two things I woudl never have thought of by myself, and I did appreciate the advice!

[mixedup_emotions]

My T tries not to be too directive, but he is directive when he feels that something is dangerous or very unhealthy. Like, my husband, for example. He made it very clear that I needed to get out of my marriage. He would've preferred that I came to that conclusion myself, but I guess I wasn't moving towards that conclusion fast enough in therapy.