[sittingatwatersedge]

Recently T commented on how very long it took me to get into therapy (mid 50s). I realize now that she has said that to me a lot - often variations on, "it's a wonder you didn't [SI] by then" or "most people, when they get to that point, start thinking about looking for help"

But me? I never considered it. Never even thought about it, not once. I just struggled on. And when I finally got there, it was only because someone else suggested it, not because of my own idea.

What do you think, PC folk? Do most people know when they need help? Do most realize it and reject it or are they are as unaware as I was? Am thinking that from now on, maybe I should take opportunity to suggest it to others now and then. Knowing what I've learned so far, I don't understand how I carried that load for so many years without looking for anyone to help me with it.

For me, I was pretty unaware too. I spent my time staying busy 'doing' rather than thinking or reflecting. Over the years, trying medication had occasionally crossed my mind, but never talking to someone. I still consider myself pretty fortunate that I randomly (on the advice of a friend who had spent many years in therapy) wound up saying why not and giving it a try. I went in pretty blind, didn't have an agenda to talk about, and had low expectations. It has been such a learning process for me, I have so much more self-reflection than I hdd pre-therapy. I really wish I had started the process sooner, but I just had no idea that it was something that would be helpful to me. So, I guess my short answer is no, I don't think it's strange not to have this awareness of therapy as an option and yes, I am really grateful that my friend suggested it motivting me to give it a try.

[WePow]

I think it depends on the person. Some people try very hard to survive in the world on their own - regardless of the pain they are in. They are the same ones who would insist on driving themselves to Hospital if they could!
Other people get pushed into asking for help because others see them in trouble and know something is wrong. That is how it was in my case. A teacher in college "made" me go see our college counselor when she noticed I was not the same person she knew the semester before (death of someone close that summer). I am thankful to her beyond words because she litterally saved my life by getting me the help I needed. But my first session with that counselor was a solid hour of me sitting there with my arms crossed and looking at the clock not saying a single word. I had promised my teacher I would go - so that was all I was doing - just showing up. And he was not about to make me talk. LOL. After an hour of him just watching me and having me not respond to anything he said - he said "I will see you again next week same time." URRR!! I could not believe it! And I did decide to talk the next session :-)

So I think it is very much just a personal matter of when and why a person enters the therapy process.

[moonrise]

I was pushed into it, right out of college, so pretty young. But honestly, I had been having problems all through high school. But no one cared enough to say anything, or they didn't notice.

Having been out of therapy for 6 years and recently coming back into it, it was my dh who pushed me, and honestly, I did it to shut him up about it. Of course, now I realize I truly do have issues that still need dealing with. But without dh pushing, I'd not be in therapy.

[MissCharlotte]

((SAWE))

This is an interesting topic. I think I always knew I needed help, but wasn't aware of T. I first went to T when I was in my mid thirties and stayed for about four years. Then I entered AGAIN (different T) in my early fifties (3 years ago). Circumstances in my life caused me to fall apart and all of my childhood trauma to blow open. The interesting thing is that the first time around my therapy didn't have the depth that my therapy has now. I loved my T but was not attached the way I love T now.

So, I guess to answer your question....it really does depend on the person and the situation. Things come up over and over again during our life and it's where we are at that time that dictates how we react/or whether we seek help. I'm just so glad I found T this time around because I feel as though I am getting my life back. When I entered T I truly thought it was over and I had no options, no power and no hope.

I started therapy at the age of 37. My dad died when I was 34 and that started a rapid downhill slide that landed me in AA....once I quit drinking, all of my coping mechanisms from my younger years came back - ED, SI, etc. I was so scared and confused and miserable.

I've always ALWAYS had to "get by" by myself, so I've always used SI, ED, drinking, working, "doing" to keep myself numb and distracted. When I tried to stop all of that...I realized that I couldn't go on and be a good mom without help. And that led me to T.

I guess I wish someone would have seen what was going on and gently led me to help...just the way I wish someone would have seen what was going on when I was a child/teen and saved me from the situation I was in...but I had to see it myself. Actually, when I was in college, quite a few people did try to get help for me. I know people called counseling services about me, but I wasn't ready to be helped. I thought I was "fine". And after college, I finally got all of my coping skills perfected to the point that I LOOKED fine to anyone looking, so there was no reason for anyone to suggest I get help.

For ME, I had to figure out myself that I needed help. That wouldn't keep me from suggesting therapy to a friend, but I guess I wouldn't be surprised if they didn't follow through on my suggestion.

Nice to see you back from you holiday break, SAWE

[sittingatwatersedge]

Originally Posted by treehouse

Nice to see you back from you holiday break, SAWE

thank you dear Treehouse! You are looking well
Surprising time off, I spent days getting over 2 nearly-broken toes (no glamor here, I clumsily dropped something very heavy on my bare foot yowch ) but am MUCH better now!!!! found myself wondering whether I am now in a happy place and can quit T but then i woke up, nothing has really changed, so I plan to go back next week.

I am happy to hear that many PC people had friends or others who in a caring way pointed them to getting help. I will be on the lookout for people I meet who might need the same. I have only brought it up twice, but each time I apparently sang my T's praises so much that they wanted HER name and contact info.......

Originally Posted by sittingatwatersedge

I have only brought it up twice, but each time I apparently sang my T's praises so much that they wanted HER name and contact info.......

Actually, this has happened to me too. I love T so much, and all of my friends know it, and anyone who wants to go to therapy wants to go to MY T. I actually had a friend e-mail me and ask if it would be okay for her and her family to see him...it really DIDN'T feel okay. I'm pretty sure he doesn't see close friends of current clients, so it would be a non-issue (and he doesn't do family therapy, so my friend couldn't see him anyhow). It made me feel like...I am SO going to be quiet about my T from now on!

Hope your toes are feeling better, SAWE - that HURTS! ouch!

[billieJ]

I sought treatment for depression after my first summer job as an attendant in a psychiatric hospital, when I realized that treatment was available. I believe that such things are more widely known to the general population by now, but this may be incorrect. It has been my experience that the depressed individual will more readily seek help than, for example, the manic or psychotic patient, since it is relatively easy to tell when one is chronically unhappy, and there is a greater desire for relief. The euphoric or grandiose manic or the psychotic individual is relatively resistant to insight/treatment, the former resistant to the loss of euphoria, the latter resistive to the idea that his/her psychotic beliefs or perceptions are false. In the cases of mania or psychosis, treatment may not be sought until the behaviors are sufficiently out of control to be noticed by others. Just a thought ~ billieJ

[sw628]

I started therapy while in college 1 year ago. I sought therapy on my own b/c my ED had gotten worse. I was alone and scared. I knew nothing about therapy and boy was i in for a surprise. I have a lot more issue that i am just uncovering and i think it will take many many years to work through. I'm just 23. I guess I'm happy to have gotten the chance to start therapy early. I'm sure it will save me a lot of pain and grieve later on in my life.

[theave]

I went to my gp because I was just exhausted all the time, had no reserves to carry on "doing" - after physical causes had been ruled out he suggested depression. It took me a long time to accept it as I didn't really think I had anything to be depressed about - I didn't even feel particularly sad, just exhausted, sleeping poorly and lacking motivation. With the benefit of hindsight, I believe that depression has always lurked in my life. As for therapy, well, in the UK it's probably not as common as here but fortunately (!) I got to the point that I was referred to the mental health team and had good support from then on. I do feel, though, since seeing my therapist here, that she "gets" me and that it might actually be possible to improve things. There can be a pervasive cynicism in public health, I believe, that professionals and patients know that they are not giving or receiving the best care but that that's all that's available - so put up or shut up - I am always embarrassingly grateful for any time spent on me because I think there are far more deserving people than me. Here there seems a greater willingness to question things, so changing meds if they're not working or changing therapist or whatever - whereas it has always been so easy for me to believe that therapy or meds don't work because of something I'm doing or not doing.

I sometimes wonder what it would have been like if I hadn't agreed to go down the route of being treated for depression - could I have just muddled on by like before or would it all have become too much? But I am glad, I think, that I have been given the chance to explore where some of these feelings have come from, and to know myself better - and most importantly, to try to help my children not to grow up with similar experiences. I found it strange when they reached 7 or so and didn't spend time crying at night, unable to say what was wrong - because this is what I remember doing as a child, so I thought it was normal - it was only when they didn't do it that it occurred to me that maybe it was my reaction that wasn't normal.

Anyway, I think I was quite unaware of needing help until it was offered to me, and now I think that I might have benefitted from seeking help earlier on. I suppose I still feel arrogant that anyone could be interested in my feelings, when everyone faces difficulties in their lives - why can't I just get on with it like most people?

When I was in college, I started having flashbacks out of the blue. I turned to the minister at the youth center I was going to. He set me up with my first counselor, and the rest is history, I guess. I guess since that intervention happened pretty early in the scheme of things, I've never felt uneasy reaching out for professional help when I need it.

I've also given the name of my therapist and my pdoc to several people who were looking for help. One was a woman who works down the hall from me. She did go see my pdoc and has been ever so grateful since then. It feels good to be able to help someone else when I can. I've learned a lot about this over the years, and maybe that's something I can give back.

[ECHOES]

I always knew, and I wanted to be in therapy when I was young (56 now). But I was afraid, and I didn't think I deserved it and didn't think what was wrong with me was fixable. I thought it was just me, something I had done or not done. I read a lot and would relate to what I was reading but (like now! lol) I had not idea how to put it into words.

It is a deep regret, it is too late for some things... yet I am very glad that I finally got there

[googley]

Trigger Warning-Suicide mention



I got help in high school when I went to talk to the minister at my church. I had been fighting depression for three to four years, I felt like I could make it better myself and didn't trust anyone to help me. We had had a teacher commit suicide my sophomore year. When I reached my junior year I became suicidal. I realized that other people couldn't be going around feeling like this and it scared me that I would have tried to kill myself if I had been able to figure out how. My minister suggested T. She talked to my parents for me and eventually they got me into therapy. I have been going sense then.