[Fartraveler]

So I have been thinking a lot about some of the stuff that has come up for me with regard to some recent threads. In particular, I mean my musings about my T not taking responsibility for me restarting to cut, and, basically, my upsetness about that.

So I decided that at least some of my part was perhaps not telling her enough of how I felt. Maybe.

So last night I copied out some of my posts, and pasted them all together, and sent them to her as an email.

I guess I feel like the whole thing was hard for both of us to deal with. I feel like we were both completely blindsided by it. She's so good to me. I don't want to wreck our relationship, or upset her. But I feel like I get upset by just trying to slide over this. So we'll see.

I hope that was an OK thing for me to do.

-Far

It should be the start of some good conversations in therapy.

[moonrise]

I think it was a great idea. Let us know how it works out. I'll bet your T will be receptive to it.

(((((((((((((fartraveler))))))))))))))))

My T says that any thoughts and feelings are welcome in therapy. I think it's good to let T know how you felt about returning to cutting...holding onto that instead of bringing it out in the open could affect your therapy, for sure.

Good for you for being so open and honest. That's really brave

[Fartraveler]

Thanks for all the encouragement.

Now I'm starting to have second thoughts. I feel like maybe just an email of cut-and-paste was too abrupt. I feel like it maybe would have been better to lead up to it. T's are people, too. I don't want to make her feel bad. I don't want her to feel like I don't appreciate her.

I'm feeling like I ought to call her and apologize.

Actually, I have called her. And she still has her vacation message on her answering machine, even though I know she's back by today. I am trying very hard not to take that personally. OK, I know it's not personal. It feels personal, though.

Now I am sorry I sent it last night, because I know she will be busy today playing catch-up with back-to-work stuff.

I was just being too impulsive. (And how much of that email was just to be mean to her, just picking a fight, because she did go away?)

Arghhh!

Leave a quick message on her answering machine. That will be enough. She'll understand and figure it out. Don't worry too much about it. It will be food for thought.

(((((((((((((far))))))))))))))

good for you for bringing that difficult subject up. i hope it leads to some fruitful discussion and resolution. i'm laughing tho because you told me not to keep emailing my T.

[Fartraveler]

Thanks again.

I'm feeling less obsessed with T now -- but only because I have something else to obsess about: I'm going down to my mother's for the rest of the week. (And my mother and I don't have the best of relationships, so that will be fun.)

Chris, it will definitely be food for thought. I see her next on 1/13. So we'll have -- hysterical emails AND visit with mom. Tons of material!

Bloom -- Actually, I email my T an embarrassing amount. I'm such a wuss -- email is so much easier than saying things in person. (When I decided to get divorced, I emailed my ex-h to let him know.) (Actually, it's worse than that -- the first he knew was when I sent him an email telling him that I had just filed for divorce and he should expect papers to be served sometime that week.) Sigh.

Well, off to mom's. Whee!!

-Far

[mixedup_emotions]

Good luck getting through the week with your mom!

Indeed, it seems as though your e-mail to T will lead to some very interesting and productive conversations!