[Melbadaze]

Having returned to therapy on monday, I think I was more nervous about starting the work all over again then I let myself know.

I dreamt the first night back that my toilet (perhaps a symbol of all my inner crap) sprung a leak out of one of the bolts that screws it to the floor and I tried to stem the flow with my finger, tried to get that "fit" but I couldn't fill the gap (uncomfortable feelings around the break?) and I ran downstairs because I was petrified the leak would spoil my newly plastered smooth kitchen ceiling ( the rest I begun to experience as the break wore on) and I was desperate for my husband to help, to fix it accept he was searching in the fridge and I wasn't sure if it was him and if he would help me (conflicting feelings around the break, the fridge- (not sure if T was holdihng me in mind) holding food (the feeling of being fed when I am with T) ...I woke up shaking and felt that familiar heavy feeling in my body once the work has begun again.

Yes, starting over is a time of ambivalence, at least for me. There is hope of a better life to spur one on. There is also the anxiety of revisiting the past anew.

Are you a plumber?

Good luck!