Anyone know their T outside of therapy?

Could be the church but maybe she meant me. I cannot ask now, I wish I could. She said this is not something she usually does.

What is strange is that I believe our personal relationship will be great. I just hope my therapy will still be effective. From day one I have struggled in therapy and almost 2 years later I still do, it just doesn't come easy for some people. Maybe she is one step a head of all us?? LOL!

I agree with exoticflower. The lines blurred in my therapy and he ended up abusing his power.

I have found out the hard way that boundaries are important in the therapy process.

I know you want to know more and be with your T more. That is a normal feeling of transference. But be careful!!!!

IDK as I read through all of the post, I see the boundary issue and where if the relationship goes bad for some reason... you stand to lose a lot. I get that but... I couldn't also ignore the fact that it seems like your interaction with your T has been really positive. It seems like the two of you are talking and addressing your concerns as they surface. It sound like an atypical situation but so far you're dealing with it. If your interactions seem to become more personal than professional, then it sounds like your T will likely help you find someone else to be your T. OR who knows MAYBE the unimaginable might be happening to you...YOU MIGHT HEALING! Maybe you will reach a point where you don't need your T to be your T anymore. I know that the concerns expressed about the boundary issues are REAL and the dual relationship, church, etc... things are becoming very complex and the risk of harm becomes greater. The situation that Exoticflower shared... is awful! Her T was not thinking of her and he certainly wasn't consulting his HP. But it sounds like both you and your T are mindful of this and are talking about it. I think you need to keep talking and reassessing the situation and make a committement that if one of you expresses the need to discontinue with the status quo you have a plan of action worked out.

I know the church thing scares people, because religion can be a powerful manipulation tool in the abusers tool bag. But again, it can be a conduit for incredible healing. it sounds like your T simply helped you connect with yourself --> which allowed you to connect with God --> and when you collaborate with the Spirit/GOD/HP/Prana/? the unthinkable is possible.

IDK what GOD you are going to church to worship, but isn't the whole point of believing in a higher power is that no matter what happens, once connected NOTHING can separate you from your GOD. If you really believe in your relationship with your HP, you can't possibility lose everything. In the end its just one church, one study group, one mental health professional, GOD is bigger than that. Your HP will simply provide a new church, new study group, a new T. Ones that are better for where you are at that point.

Sorry... just my two cent.

I'd be definitely uncomfortable. Maybe I wouldn't mind so much if it were a gigantic megachurch and I only saw him in passing occasionally, but my anxiety would rise that our circles crossed in a more personal way.

My T and I know a lot of the same people, but it's more like that game where everyone in the movie business is connected in some way to Kevin Bacon. If it went deeper than that, I would have a definite boundary issue with him.

You must feel some anxiety about this for sure, even if it's not very harmful interaction. I would constantly be on guard if I were in your shoes--- I'm vigilent about boundaries and trust.

Xtree,

I already see a huge red flag of potential hurt for you because of the above statement you made. You can't EVER have a personal relationship with your T, (even if you see her at church) it ALWAYS should be professional. Do you notice you list the personal relationship first as great, and then list the therapy relationship last-hoping it will be effective....

This is what happens when boundaries are crossed- the client believes they CAN have a personal relationship. Your energy should be in your therapy work IN HER OFFICE.
Plus she tells you this is something she has never does- translated - you are more special than her other clients. You already feel she is attached to you.
It feels great at first when a T treats you special or different from all the other clients, but when a relationship becomes personal, you also lose the therapeutic protection that is in place, to protect the both of you. If your T loses her objectivity with you, not only will therapy not be effective, but down right dangerous for you.

Things can get very messy and unfortunately it is the client who suffers. My 1st T and our relationship felt great for a LONG time, but then he lost his objectivity and hurt me really bad. A hurt that is worse than any child abuse I ever encountered.

I really think your T is in over her head, and needs supervision right now in order to proceed with your therapy. If she is doing things for you that she has never done for a client before, it should be a HUGE red flag to her. If she has a client on the Psych central boards having doubts if their relationship is okay or ethical.... HUGE FLAG! T's are just not suppose to ask their clients to join their church or any other non-therapy activity outside of her office.

I am very worried about you.

Xtree, this sounds nice. Obviously your T has considered the boundary issues and you are seeing how it goes. It sounds like she is very professional and is monitoring how it goes so that your therapy is not adversely affected or jeapordized. And you, too, are monitoring how it feels for you.

It would feel uncomfortable for me, I think, although I'm just speculating. More and more I feel the uniqueness of the therapy hour and relationship and I cherish it for how private and apart from regular life it it. This, in spite of my fantasizing about her being in my real life, outside of therapy. So, I think it wouldn't be good for me.
I even I worry I will run into my T in a social situation (we have talked about that).

Regarding red flags, I think you and your T are both on the lookout for them.
It is unfair to overlay or project one experience onto another. One therapy experience is not all therapy experiences. There are many kinds of therapies and they cannot be compared. There are many types of therapists and some have strict guidelines they must follow due to their being a part of a professional association. Other types of therapists do not have those guidelines, but use their professionalism, professional ethics, best judgement, and good sense.

My T was/is never uncomfortable with seeing me outside of therapy. However, she always wondered how it affected me. Sometimes I felt good when I saw her, but sometimes I didn't. It was difficult! It's different for you, since your T is the one who suggested you join her church. In my case, it was coincidence that brings me and my T together outside of therapy.

In retrospect, I don't think it's such a good idea. It's hard to maintain a dual relationship, and you will end up wanting more from her than she can give you. My T is casual but friendly when I see her, but we both know that's all to it. I think you want more, and it's likely, but not certain, that you'll get hurt. It can be done, but please be very careful!

I thought I would add follow up. We had our first session since we agreed on our new boundaries. It was shorten a little with small talk (my fault) but it went well. My T had to reschedule my next appointment due to a conflict. She did not have any time available that worked for both of us so instead we are going to have my next session in her home office. I wonder how that is going to feel.

Xtree