Overwhelmed with emotions when with others?

'enry 'iggins and "Why can't a woman be just like a man?"

I have realized something else about all of this. I like to be different from others and I now think I do this to keep people away. I had terrible "group" problems while growing up and now I just don't trust groups or people I guess. So I need this space to maintain my identity....... Furthermore, since I have been working on this my need to be different is much less. I used political discussion for this purpose I think and now I have no drive for political discussion lately!

I can possibly see now that others can see this in me - STAY BACK! And they do...........

Also, I used to stay busy to deal with anxiety, especially when it came to sitting down and talking with others. I decreased this quite a bit and now I can sit and relax and talk to others without overwhelming anxiety. This busyness took on a life of its own. I liked things a certain way. Well for the last few weeks I will be doing some things and thinking "I don't want to do this stuff. Why did I ever think that I should be doing this stuff!" Very interesting evolution indeed. Those thoughts that we hold in our heads are so powerful and get us to do all sorts of things..........

Wow! that is so awesome how you've worked on these things. good going! (you're way ahead of me)

I feel extremely responsible for others too..... my T. said that it's partly because I had no boundaries as a child and that causes a child to be overwhelmed and thus he/she grows to take on ALL people's needs -- beings they become accustomed to "overwhelmed". (not sure I explained it as well as T. did)

... *sigh*... can so so relate. me too.

this is sooooo key in your life (I think). Hooray for your cousin! I think she could be what kept you safe in those "trying years". A sister that's almost 4 years older than me pressured me to smoke when I was 10, made me go to frat parties with her when I was 11... there were kegs, drugs and you name it! things are NOT safe for young ones around those "burned out" people. thank goodness for your cousin

yea, it feels like to me-- that I have this whole other "fins", the one that could walk up to a street junkie and know how to talk to him, when the "professionals" wouldn't have a clue of how to relate to them.....kind of feels like I'm lower because of it.....

I like reading your thoughtful posts..... helps me feel less alone and also am learning some.... thank you.

Hey Fins! Yeah, those professionals are actually scared of these "lowers"! So you feel lower because you have this knowledge? I was at that party this last weekend that I mentioned in a previous post and someone there mentioned how they shouldn't have "taking care of children" as a magnet program in high schools. I jumped on that one without hesitation. I told her that not everyone goes to college and that all sorts of jobs are important, especially those concerning caring for children!

I can just feel how unsafe you probably felt at those parties!

I also think that we tune into other's needs instead of our own because this is what happened in our dysfunctional households. In my family, only my mom's needs were met. The rest of our needs? They were never identified. I think that when you grow up you learn to attend to your needs when an adult does it first and shows you how! In another thread here of Melbadaze's, her T wrote her a note and it mentions how we learn that we have to attend to other's needs or we will be abandoned. This hit the nail on the head for me. This issue is probably related to this friendship issue. In the back of my mind I am probably still thinking that I will be abandoned if I don't meet others needs (I don't act on it in a big obvious way because I know better but this thought is probably still back in my head messing with me).

Thank you for liking reading my thoughts!

Yea-- I've noticed that too!
well, actually now that you mentioned it, I do kind of feel like I have an extra ability over some of the "professionals"-- i don't know though... maybe I feel lower because the elite culture looks down on such experience-- it seems. Ever see or hear about the unsinkable Molly Brown?(from the Titanic) she was "rough" around the edges, from her upbringing, and then as an adult rubbed elbows with the affluent...... I don't encounter that much affluence but that's kind of how I feel.

My dad only went through the 8th grade and my mom the 9th. My mom was pregnant by 15 and both my parents were married before. I have whole siblings and several half-siblings from both my mom and dad's other marriages. I have siblings that have been in jail, a sister that died due to self abuse. I have siblings that were also parents while still teens and I am the only one out of 8 that went to college after high school-- but I never finished...... I now just do a labor job.... but husband is a professional. seems like I've been around the block and then some-

oops-- sorry for that sidetrack...

you all here seem to have so much self-insight...... I so want to have that......

best to you

fins

I hear what you are saying fins. I live in Kentucky and there are plenty of simple good people here so I am probably protected from a huge class divide because everyone here just gets along and no one is snooty. My husband and I both overcame big obstacles and accomplished things way beyond our birth. We will never forget where we came from.

My one sister has been divorced 3 times, the other one 2 times. They were both married to a few substance abusers.

Previously, I would rather die than divulge my background to anyone. I have worked beyond that now and if it is appropriate and it comes up in conversation I let the info out.

Insight takes practice. Are you new to all this?

Ha! I don't think you're immature or egocentric, Sannah! You have a lot of insight and self-awareness.

But we all start out that way. That's what infants are -- missles of self-love and drooling need. First you think the whole universe is you. Then you start to figure it out about the whole, "Oh, mom is someone different" thing. I actually don't think I've ever recovered from the knowledge!

You're right, it would be so pointless if everyone were the same. I've often thought that if I met someone just like me, I would find them annoying! I do enjoy people with a different perspective. I think I'm mostly afraid that the other person will get bored with me if they can't find any points of correspondence. It's mostly my fear of rejection that colors my dread of social interaction.

That old advice about asking other people about themselves sometimes works for me. I find myself getting interested in the other person in spite of myself! For me, the prospect of going to, say, a party is pure hell. But once I'm there, it's rarely as bad as I thought.

The other thing is, I'm just kind of happy doing my own thing. I need a huge amount of private time, and if I don't get it, or have to trade it for being with a bunch of strangers, I get cranky. There's nothing wrong with having a personality style like that. I think it's hard to be like that in our culture though. I've often thought I would do better in France or The Netherlands -- or on the moon, maybe!