I actually need my therapists (triggers)

I dont think I have ever said this out loud. I really need my therapist right now.

Triggers about an infant death and funeral""""'''



I went to my friends 6 month old babies funeral yesterday. My sister had died when I was almost nine and I have very traumatic memories of her death and fiuneral.
I love this baby. I never thought she would die. I just assumed she would always win as she defied all the odds all the time. I didnt have a chance to say goodbye to her, and yesterday I got to kiss her goodbye,
It haunts me to have seen her that way I wont go in to it its to tramatizing, But it helped in a way to say bye to her see that she was gone that it was over, it also showed that small little girl in me that my sister was also that same way when she was buried has taken some horrifiying thoughts and fears away but replaced it with this image. My heart hurts, Im glad i went but it was such a deeply painful expereince on so many levels. I really really need to sit by my therapist and cry and be comforted. I feel so alone and afraid and triggered. I see my emdr T on tuesday.

((((((((((((((((((( safe hugs ))))))))))))))))))))))

Do you have a pic of T or something T gave you? Or can you call T or email?
It feels like you really do just need to let the tears flow out of your heart.

How heartbreaking! I am so sorry for your losses.

Can you call T? A good friend? Someone to be there with you and let you talk and cry it out? We are here for you. (( HUGS ))

i feel so bad about everything you've gone through. i agree with wpowers. if you can email your therapist or call him/her, that will help. it is their job to communicate with you, especially when you are feeling as bad as you do now.

if nothing works then talk to people here. write in a blog. blogs help, a ton. writing here helps. a ton. chat, write in forums.... comment... all of this helps. by letting out all thats in, you have more room inside to breathe.

(((((MINIME)))))

Some visions never leave our minds. There is nothing reasonable about loosing a child. It is something that is, understandably, extremely painful. And the fact that you are able to feel these horrible feelings and have those horrible visions tells me about what a loving and compassionate person you are.

If I may, I would like to point out to you what a gift your friend's little baby was to you. It sounds like you've been a bit stuck in the grieving of your sister, with the haunting memories that stir those unsettled emotions. This six month old little one came into your life, and through her passing, has unleashed you from some very horrible memories. She has allowed you to have some movement inside and allow your stalled grieving process for your sister to become unstuck. She has given you the freedom and the means to move forward and process your pain. A huge, and monumental gift from a life so small.

People come in and out of our lives all the time, and sometimes they don't stay as long as we like, or they stay longer than we would like, but I think this little one has taught you something amazing in her short life. She's helped you heal from a hurt that has been stuck inside you for so long. And that is a blessing.

Burying a child, especially one so young, never seems natural. But you will be forever changed for the better by this little one. She taught you more about healing in the six months she was on this Earth, than anyone else has been able to teach you in a very long time.

(((((((((((Minime)))))))))))
I hope you can reach out to your therapist.

((((((((((((((((((((minime)))))))))))))))))))))))))

I'm sorry you feel alone, and afraid.

If you were here, I'd wrap you up in a warm blanket and bring you a cup of tea and tell you that you're safe. Can you do that for yourself?

Reach out to T if you need to.

to you...

(((((Minime)))) I am so very sorry for your loss. How tragic and sad. I can imagine how the image of this baby stays with you. Can you try to call your T talk?

Comforting hugs to you

Hi Mini, I'm sorry for both of these losses . Elysium's post was very good. I hope you get to process this grief, both of them, with your therapist real soon.............

Thank you all. I have ups and downs. I am sad one min ok the next despair the next. I did get a message from my T today. I put a call into the one I see tomarrow for emdr and asked for extra time. She hasnt called bak and I get kinda irratated but trying to be patient and not take it personally. I just get frustrated when i is so very important. I just feel like I keep reaching out and reacing out and it feels like I have to move mountains to get any one to do what I need. My Reg T has been pretty good at being supportive my emdr T has been also but not very good outside my appointments. I just feel like I am barely able to fight this myself. I am and I do its just that I have emotional fatigue and I ask and ask. Its just not them its my friiends. They are all let us help and then Iask and no one can. It seems so frustrating. I am asking and fighting and I cant do this alone and asking an asking for help is getting old. Its so frustrating.Last week I was put in a day hospital kinda thing and its sucks. Its no processing its these stupid classes that are full of outdated information. No one says how are you today stephanie. There is no processing no real help just these stupid classes and in the day room these people are making plans to buy drugs. I feel like giving up but I cant. I have two kids my neices I adopted and I have to keep strong. I just feel so sad and so tired.
The grief is so big. I cant get the image out of my brain and most people dont get why I kissed her and said goodbye to her. So I cant talk to them about how truamatizing it was yet it was so beautiful and I needed to do that. I just feel so alone and I need someone. I need something. Im tired of asking and sking and asking.

Minime,
Can you get together with other who are grieving? I'm sure in such a tragic situation many other people are feeling all kinds of emotions, directly and indirectly related. Although the tendency is to isolate yourself, maybe you could instead reach out and be supported by others and supportive of others,

((((((((((Minime!!!)))))))))))

Im ready to give up. I have never really been here. Im tired of having to beg and ask and ask for extra support when i really need it. Im tired of people tellng me they are here for me and then not. I dont ever ask for anything and I am now. Im tired of being alone. Im tired of being sad and being a freak because of my life and no matter how hard I work to fix it i always comes back. I didnt do this to me. Im tired of people treating me like I I injected a syringe of truama and snorted Ptsd and wont stop doing it, Thats what I feel like, i did it like starting drugs. The funny thing is in the area where I am if I had a drug problem I could get the exact amount of support I need now. They have so many intensive good processing groups of duel diagnosis and I am sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo done.

((((((((((Mini))))))))))))))