[foreverlonely]

I have been wondering about why some Ts can make you cry and others cannot.
I currently see my male T who, if some people remember, I am in love with. When I see him for therapy I always (95% of the time) leave feeling calmer and more in control of my life for the next few days. He knows all my secrets and he is the only person who knows everything I needed to tell. I have only a few times had some tears, very few, when we have been talking in session.
The weird thing I do not understand is that I saw a female T while I am with my current T. She has a really good reputation. I saw her 3 times because I wanted to see if I would react differently to a female T.
She was very good and I did like her. She said I had difficulty opening up to her and asked if I found it easier to talk to a male.
Anyway, I had a very strong and different reaction to her therapy. She would sit across from me and very gently ask a few questions about my trauma and I would go into uncontrollable laughter (nervous laughter) and then into absolutely uncontrollable bawling. She would just sit there and watch me deteriorate.
I only went 3 times because I could never control my emotions there and this laughter/tear thing happened every time. It was too upsetting to do that every time.
I went back to my current male T where I feel calm and in control.
I am just wondering how she had that affect on me?

[mixedup_emotions]

Hmm. That's a good question. I imagine it has something to do with your inner workings as well as her approach.

I posted about my ex-husband's T who I really like, and his approach - persistence with allowing and prodding my feelings to come to the surface, staying with me, with his warmth and caring - allowed me to share more in that one group session, with a flood of tears.

My T has not been able to do that with me, as his approach is much different. I have cried in my sessions with T, but that wasn't due to his approach.

I'm curious to see how others will respond to this...

(((((((((((((((foreverlonely))))))))))))))))

Hum...your post really made me think.

I suspect I might respond in a similar way. My T is male...I am used to positive attention from males (even though some of it was in the form of SA). I've always been able to be friends with males.

My mom was very abusive throughout my childhood, and the thought of being vulnerable with a woman scares me to death. I imagine that if I was treated gently by a woman in such an intimate situation (therapy!), it would bring up a LOT of emotions for me.

What do you think the difference is for you, foreverlonely?

[WePow]

I agree with the questions asked - I do think it depends on how you see the female T and what is the internal trigger to which you are responsponding. For me, I know I could not see a female T because it would indeed be way too hard on me. I tend to be a little more guarded around males - which forces me to take it slower on the trust and emotional side. With a female, I would probably be in the same state you found yourself - which is too fast for me personally. Maybe it is something you can look into deep inside to see what is going on?

[ECHOES]

It sounds to me like she touched a very vulnerable part of you in a gentle and intimate way that made you feel like you did not need to be in control.

[polarsmom]

Originally Posted by ECHOES

It sounds to me like she touched a very vulnerable part of you in a gentle and intimate way that made you feel like you did not need to be in control.

This is what I was thinking too. It could be many things. Maybe you felt a different 'connection' with her because she was female. Were you feeling anxious? Could it be that her questions were really on target? Maybe getting to the heart of the matter without beating around the bush?

[deliquesce]

i've seen both female and male-ts, but i tend to work better with male-Ts (less trust issues). there have only been two Ts i have cried with and let everything out, but the person i still go back to as the backbone of my treatment is my pdoc, who i've never cried with before but who has access to the vulnerable deli the most.

[jennaorgana]

we all react to something that makes us uncomfortable as opposed to something that makes us feel good. maybe you didn't have to "play a part" when you were with HER because you didn't have any feelings towards her at first. maybe you feel more vulnerable... starting up with a new T is difficult as is, so don't be too hard on yourself.

but of all of my therapists and psychiatrists, every single one of them was female.

[foreverlonely]

Thanks everyone for your comments and insights.
I do not know alot about how therapy should go but your answers helped me understand that you do not have to have these strong reactions and always tears in your sessions for them to be successful. When I saw the female T a friend of mine told me not to go back because she said she could see I was starting to unravel and my male T made me so calm and strong which I need to be to keep taking care of my kids.
I still do not know why I reacted like this with her. The most troubling part for me was the hysterical laughing. It was very disconcerting for me.
I do play a part a bit with males which makes me feel more in control and maybe that is why I dont let myself react so openly with him.
Thanks for your answers, it would be interesting to go back to her ( it has been a year) and see how I feel with her now, maybe I am stronger after my year of therapy.

[crystalrose]

do you cry in front of other people in your life? if so how do they react?

[BlueMoon6]

Forever- Your post touched something in me. I dont know the reason you responded differently with the female T, but you got some good responses that I agree with. She touched a part of you that you may not be aware of. I remember as a child there were times Id laugh hysterically when I was nervous. It was sort of a reflex response to cover feelings, tho I dont know if that was why you were laughing. And if it was, then your feelings emerged as a flood of tears. I have done things like this- laughing to cover, tears uncovered- going back and forth.

I have issues like this around female vs male therapists. I am not sure which I would feel more comfortable around but I am not willing to try again a male therapist at this point. I wish I could, but I cant. I am too terrified to do that. I see a female therapist and I feel calm and can talk. With a male therapist, his being male might take the focus off the issues I want to work on. Now, that said, I may at some point go to male t to work on this stuff. I imagine that I will know when the time is right for that.

[foreverlonely]

Originally Posted by BlueMoon6

Forever- Your post touched something in me. I dont know the reason you responded differently with the female T, but you got some good responses that I agree with. She touched a part of you that you may not be aware of. I remember as a child there were times Id laugh hysterically when I was nervous. It was sort of a reflex response to cover feelings, tho I dont know if that was why you were laughing. And if it was, then your feelings emerged as a flood of tears. I have done things like this- laughing to cover, tears uncovered- going back and forth.

I have issues like this around female vs male therapists. I am not sure which I would feel more comfortable around but I am not willing to try again a male therapist at this point. I wish I could, but I cant. I am too terrified to do that. I see a female therapist and I feel calm and can talk. With a male therapist, his being male might take the focus off the issues I want to work on. Now, that said, I may at some point go to male t to work on this stuff. I imagine that I will know when the time is right for that.

Bluemoon
I have always been taught to smile and no one in my family ever worried whether I was feeling happy or not. Just always have a smile on. I was laughing hysterically because of nerves because female T just kept staring at me after she asked me her question and she would not talk but just kept staring at me. So I could only laugh and then hsyterically and then cry uncontrollably and she never said anything but looked at me. yuck.
I did my male T that I am tired of always having to smile. I smile always and never show my true feelings.

I feel that my being in love with my male T also makes a difference why I do not get too emotional around him. How can I be feeling sad and anxious when I am sitting across from the man I am in love with??
I know this is not supposed to be but I cannot help feeling this way.
I am so happy to be there with him.
I am so confused right now with therapy.

[foreverlonely]

I saw T and I was talking to him like I would not come back any more for sessions and I have figured out that he is dealing with my current crisis and has not started to deal with issues I need to deal with from some past experiences. So..... maybe I will be crying uncontrollably with him?????
Now that I know this I am in love with him even more, because he is so kind and intelligent.