[rainbow8]

I saw the psychologist, who is prospective T #2, today. I was in her waiting room and she walked in and introduced herself. At first I thought she was another client because she didn't look at all like her photo on Psychologytoday. I even told her that. It threw me off because I had looked at her picture a lot and expected someone different.

I don't think I want to see her. I was upset when I read the forms I had to sign. It's my fault for not asking her fees, but I figured what did it matter since insurance is paying. On PschologyToday I think it said $140 - 150. Well, the form said it's $225 for the initial consultation and $150 after that. I asked her which I was having, and it's the $225. I didn't say anything because I figured I should have asked, and I was sitting there already, but I know insurance is not going to pay that fee, and it is much too high. I think she should have told me ahead of time.

It took about 5 or 6 minutes of my time to fill out the forms; the other T emailed them to me ahead of time.

She asked me questions about my background, and then I talked. I had brought my story and poem like I did to the social worker, but this T said to pick one of them. I decided to tell her instead. The other T was interested in hearing both of them, but I felt rushed today, maybe because I knew I only had an hour and some was used up in the paperwork.

She gave me a few insights, but told me what I've heard before. Something like this. "When your needs are unmet as in infant, whether it was something your mother or father did unintentionally or not, there is no way to make that up completely. You can get your needs met by other people, and by yourself, but you can't make up what you missed."

She did make some comments about my parents not having good boundaries, relating to some stuff my brother did to me. She said I minimize some things.

It seems like the time was almost up and I didn't know how she would treat me. So I asked. She said we could talk, I could write letters to my Mom (something I already did with other T, though), and maybe come to terms or accept the things that happened to me.

I don't know. I expected more. Then I asked about EMDR. She thought that was a good idea, to try it, but to use the experienced T for it. She said to see the EMDR T, and think about what I want to do.

I don't think it's a good fit, though I read such wonderful endorsements of her on her website. I'm beginning to think no T is going to satisfy me.

We focused on the comfort that I want from a T, and it seemed like SHE would not give it to me. She reminded me too much of my T, I think.

So, the search continues. Any comments?

Something interesting she said was that there is a new law that insurance companies can't stop at 20 sessions, that there is no limit for mental health just like other illnesses! Did anyone know about that?

I also talked about being attracted to the T, and she said even though I'm not a lesbian, I could have some attraction to a certain kind of person. It's not abnormal.

[WePow]

Yes about the no limit cap now!!! I just found that out myself today!!!!!!!! It will literally help transform my therapy!!

My T said when he found his T back in the day, that he went through a whole bunch (I think over 20 ) before he found his "match" ... He said it was worth the work to "shop around" because therapy is usually one of the single most important investments a person will ever make on themselves.

[skeksi]

Rainbow, it's so good that you are interviewing all these potential Ts. This is exactly what you are supposed to do, at least ideally.

It sounds like although she is a good T, you aren't sure she's a good fit for you. That's okay! Keep her name around in case you ever have a need, but look at who and what works for you.

Good job on getting through another initial appointment. They are never easy.

Originally Posted by rainbow8

Well, the form said it's $225 for the initial consultation and $150 after that. I asked her which I was having, and it's the $225.

yikes! that is quite steep considering some Ts give the initial consult for free. i've never heard of one charging more than the regular fee.

i'm sorry that she sounded like kind of a dud for you from what you've described and that you had to go thru all that rainbow. do you think you will keep interviewing more Ts like the emdr T or others or maybe go with the first one you saw? i know it is a stressful process especially the waiting to figure it all out. i heard someone say once "there is wisdom in uncertainty". i like that and it helps me when i want to rush to make a decision just to have the issue settled. i do think you can find someone good to work with. don't give up hope!

Something like this. "When your needs are unmet as in infant, whether it was something your mother or father did unintentionally or not, there is no way to make that up completely. You can get your needs met by other people, and by yourself, but you can't make up what you missed."

while i don't want to hijack your thread i find this interesting and have heard others say it here as well. i'm not sure i agree with it though. while we can't redo our past i do think we can still be healed from the averse affects of it. maybe it's because i'm coming from a different perspective but i think all things are possible because God can do anything. call me crazy.

[emilyjeanne]

I'm glad that you are interviewing T's. It is customary that the first session costs more because it is usually longer and you are being evaluated by the T. I would give her feedback and let her know that she should disclose this on her website.

If you don't feel comfortable with her, it is time to book another appointment for someone else. I know that this is hard. But it is worth it to find the right fit. My current T I knew that she was the one the first session. Of course I had seen a bunch before that. Keep looking it will make all the difference in your treatment.

The "new" law has been happening state by state. For instance last year the law went into effect in NY and NJ. Insurance companies must treat therapy like any other illness. But you must check the law in your state. For instance, in NY to be entitled to these benefits you need to be covered by group health insurance.

The types of benefits to which you may be entitled depend primarily upon the size of your employer. Employees of both large employers (50+ employees) and small employers (50 employees or fewer) are entitled to care for mental, nervous, or emotional disorders, for no less than thirty days of inpatient care and twenty visits of outpatient care per year.
If your policy is issued to a group with more than 50 employees, then in addition to the above-described thirty days of inpatient care and twenty days of outpatient care, you are entitled to mental health benefits for the following biologically based mental illnesses comparable to your level of coverage for other health benefits under the policy;

• Schizophrenia/psychotic disorder
• Major depression
• Bipolar disorder
• Delusional disorders
• Panic Disorder
• Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
• Bulimia
• Anorexia

Take a look http://www.ins.state.ny.us/timothy.htm.

http://www.timothyslaw.org/ will give you links to other states websites.

It's hard to find the right T, but worth it when you do. Good luck with your search!

[rainbow8]

Thanks for all the replies. I've been thinking that I am learning what I don't want in therapy. The T I saw today reminded me too much of the T I'm trying to stop seeing, and I'm afraid I'd get into the same situation with her. She is a little too intimidating for me, and seems sort of "out of reach." That may or may not be true, but in contrast, the social worker was approachable, open, and warm. I noticed the contrast right away.

While the psychologist I saw today may have more training, I've been in therapy for so many years, I know almost everything they are going to tell me! I need a safe place for the child part of me to "come out of hiding" and be validated, and the other T seemed like one who would allow that. I didn't feel that sense of wanting something from her, so maybe it would work. But she herself suggested the EMDR specialist, so I will see her first. I have to call and make an appointment with her.

emilyjeanne: My diagnosis is not one on that list. Does that mean, unless the T lies, I wouldn't get more than the allotted 20 sessions? I guess it depends on the company and the insurance. But already I'm going to using up 3 sessions selecting a T! I'm sure they count in the 20.

Try calling your insurance company. The plan I have has benefit substitution available. They are willing to give me more of one benefit in exchange for another. For example: Once my allowed outpatient visits are used up they give me 7 outpatient visits in exchange for 1 inpatient day (each plan is different). I keep track of where I'm at with visits and ask my T to request more when my balance is running low. I usually give her a few weeks notice so it can be in place before I incur more visits that are at risk of not being covered. All my T has to do is send a treatment plan a some misc. info for the insurance company to review. The substitution is usually granted.

[peaches100]

Rainbow,

I'm glad you decided to interview/meet more than 1 therapist. That way, like you said, you can figure out not only what you want in a t, but what you don't want. So are you going to choose the t that does EMDR, or are you going to interview/meet a few more first?

[rainbow8]

Peaches, I didn't meet the T who does EMDR yet. The first T I saw does IFS and is learning EMDR. She suggested I see someone more experienced with it, OR see her and we'll do the IFS and maybe "down the road" do EMDR.

After seeing the T yesterday who reminded me too much of my other T, the IFS T is growing on me! She and I are a good fit as far as my feeling comfortable with her. I liked that she gave me more time and I didn't feel rushed, and that she allows emails. She was interested in my story and poem. I'm not sure she knows what to do about the attachment problem, but maybe it wouldn't BE a problem with her, so I could work around it. I'm not sure.

I'm afraid I could see a dozen Ts and not find the "perfect" one for me. I also don't trust myself completely in how I'm selecting a T. The "attraction" factor bothers me. It's my pattern. I can't "use" the T for the intensity that I crave. Feeling comfortable with someone is what I need even though I want the intensity. I'm figuring that out from this search. I don't know if many will understand what I mean. I don't want to be distracted by too strong feelings for the T. Does that make any sense?

Originally Posted by rainbow8

I'm afraid I could see a dozen Ts and not find the "perfect" one for me.

((((((((((rainbow)))))))))))

My T is teaching me about "good enough". The T doesn't have to be THE perfect T. She can be "good enough"...not in a flippant, throw-away kind of way, but in a deep, true, REALLY "good enough" way.

If you can open yourself up to "good enough" how does the IFS T feel??

Originally Posted by treehouse

((((((((((rainbow)))))))))))

My T is teaching me about "good enough". The T doesn't have to be THE perfect T. She can be "good enough"...not in a flippant, throw-away kind of way, but in a deep, true, REALLY "good enough" way.

If you can open yourself up to "good enough" how does the IFS T feel??

I love the way you put this, Tree. It is so true.

[rainbow8]

Tree, thanks so much! Good enough is a concept I need to work on!
I called the EMDR T who also does hypnotherapy. I made an appointment but I didn't lilke her voice. I know she's older, maybe older than I am. So, I called back the IFS T and she answered the phone! I like her very much, but she says to see the other one and then decide. She just emailed me something on IFS. She thinks we are a good fit. So do I. But... the other one may be, and she does a lot more!

Wow. It sounds like you are on the right track. And you are able to assess what the positives and negatives of the T's are.

This whole search process is so difficult and almost painful. And what if you don't trust your gut? Or part of your gut says yes and part is not sure (like with your IFS T). Then what? How many T's can you see without going crazy?
I personally feel like this can go on forever when all I want is a T to "get it."
you know?

I hope this next appointment is good. Someone told me that a T does not do EMDR until a relationship is formed. But I don't know if that is accurate or not...so I don't always think it is always a quick fix?

[skyliner]

Rainbow, I think I can relate to the 'intensity' factor. Sometimes the 'intensity' takes a while. Me thinks.