I know I rarely post here and maybe don't have the right now. I am so confused about my T and I can't process it.
I have been seeing my T for about 15 years. He is always wonderful, caring, available 24/7...everything anyone would want from a T. Lately, he forgets...a lot. I had a dental procedure Monday and went into shut down mode. I stayed in bed all week. I just found out I am running out of antidepressants and my P doc is away and no one is covering. Last night I was in very bad shape with si and called my T. We spoke for almost 1/2 hour. He said if I was at risk, he would send me to a hospital immediately. I told him about medicating myself all week, though not really an overdose. I was honest about everything I was feeling, all the self harming, suicidal thoughts and plans. He said the meds were necessary and he would call p doc 's office and get someone to fill my script. He made me promise to see him Friday and call him today if I felt unsafe. Then he tells me meds won't do much since I have DID along with depression..i.e. it isnt biologically based. WHAT?? I've had depression forever and have been on antidepressants for many years.
Tonight I emailed him and asked if he spoke with anyone from p docs office, and added that if I kept our appointment tomorrow, it might be risky since I cannot lie to him about the sui feelings. He responded, saying we haven't spoken since my dentist appt. and he knew nothing about calling p doc. He asked what is happening. I told him all of it last night.
I am so scared! I can't lose him, too. I feel him slipping away though he will deny that. What could be going on? Please any comments??

[fallenangel337]

((((((((((((((calista))))))))))))))))

I am so sorry this is going on for you. I definitely understand someone who has been so stable and supportive starting to let you down.

Considering you said you've been seeing him for 15 years, I can only assume that he's got quite a lot of experience under his belt. Perhaps his forgetfulness is due to his aging?

Maybe it will help if you remind him a few times about the really important things. I know it's extremely frustrating, but any little bit you can help him out will help you as well, I'm sure.

I would speak to him as much in depth as you can. Write all of this down, if you think it will help. There's some inconsistency between the two of you, and maybe it will just come down to you both getting your stories straight with each other.

Good luck!

He is in his sixties so I don't know about simple forgetting....
I can't do this alone. He has been the only one to get this issue after many years of misdiagnosis. He has always been there. Now he is gone.
If I speak to him about this, he will not accept that he forgot. I am not crazy...I am remembering this correctly. It isn't about getting our stories straight. I am so scared.

[fallenangel337]

I understand that this is frightening for you. I would still suggest speaking with him about this. Ask him politely to hear you out, and to be open-minded. Maybe he will come to truly realize his mistake. If not, you two can figure this out together.

I'm so afraid that it has something to do with his age...or that I drained the life out of him. I waited years to be able to see him and have made real progress with him. Also, he has become very important to me. I'm afraid what this forgetting could mean. I want him to be all right.
I'm torn between feeling that I AM forgetable, to feeling worried for him, to being angry. When I feel invisable or forgotten, I tend to isolate even more than usual.

[deliquesce]

((((((((calista))))))))))

i'm glad you're posting here, i welcome your postings at any time . i know it is difficult, but i think the best thing to do (really!) would be to talk about this with him.

you have no idea how often i go through the "do you hate me yet? how about now? when are you leaving? why haven't you left yet?" routine.

this is just a stab in the dark, but do you think that maybe post-xmas/new year might explain away this one instance of forgetfulness? it always takes me a bit of time to get back into the swing of things.

he's been with you for 15 years. you aren't someone he wants to forget .

[pachyderm]

Originally Posted by Calista+12

If I speak to him about this, he will not accept that he forgot.

Maybe. Maybe not. You don't know yet.

[peaches100]

Oh, Calista!

An experience like that would upset me too! Have you noticed him forgetting other things lately? If you spoke for 1/2 hour on the phone, it seems like under normal circumstances he would remember. But I guess it's possible that he may have just had so much on his plate that he temporarily forgot about the phone conversation the two of you had.

I think you should bring this up with him because not only has it been a scary (and invalidating) experience for you, but if there is a medical problem involving forgetting, it is important that he be made aware of it.

If you are like me, it's hard not to jump to conclusions and imagine a worst-case scenario. But it puts a great deal of extra stress on you. Can you call or email your t and find out what happened?

[perpetuallysad]

Hi calista. I've only been seeing my t/pdoc (same person) for 4 years and the thought of losing him TERRIFIES ME!! He's just turned 65 not to long ago and when he told me I nearly started crying. I asked him if he would be retiring and he swears he has no intention of retiring anytime soon...I still cannot help but think of when he does, the idea of trying to find a replacement for him is just something I cannot even think about right now. SO I really understand your fear of losing your T. If he is starting to forget things, because of age or whatever reason (dementia?), things will change though. Maybe, for your own sake and to remind yourself that something DID happen, that you aren't making it up or misremembering, maybe you could note the times you talk to him down and what you talked about. After you have a nice list, you could talk to him about it. Say, "these are the times we talked, we talked about this and that. I am afraid you aren't remembering everything anymore and I want to know what I can do to help you"...I guess approach him the way you would want someone to gently approach you if you were in his shoes? I wish you good luck and I hope you can get your antidepressant refilled, running out is an awful thought! I know whenever I've been between appointments but near running out my pharmacist has given me so many to tide me over until my last visit. Maybe you could talk to your pharmacist? And maybe they would have an easier time getting in touch with someone who can ok a refill for you?

I was able to get the meds refilled and spoke to my T on the phone briefly today. He used the old "projection" excuse again. I am supposidly seeing him as I experienced my mother...unavailable and chaotic blah blah blah...I knew he'd say this. At least I'm not feeling afraid like the other night. I just feel "it is what it is"...what ever "it" may be...
Something's changed with him and I don't know if I can deal with that.

I'm sorry. It does sound like he's having some kind of problem. Maybe he was just tired or something and didn't remember. I hope things get better.

[lostin08]

Calista I know this post was quite a while ago, did you get things straight with him?
15 yrs wow I haven't seen my T quite that long and yet I would say "Are you having a senior momment or what" What do ya think? Hang in there hope all is okay.

[BlueMoon6]

Calista- This sounds very very difficult. I hope you can get your AD refilled and that is taken care of. I liked the suggestion of getting in touch with your pharmacist. They can be very helpful in this area knowing you cannot just run out and go off of them.

About your T, 15 yrs is a long time and if you had a 1/2 hour conversation with him discussing specific things that he completely has no recollection of, that doesnt sound like an everyday forgetting kind of thing. Is there anyone else, anyone professional (or not) that you know that knows him as well? When you spoke to him and he said you were reacting to him like you would your mother, did he not believe you had this conversation? Did you ask him specifically if he remembered the conversation?

If not, I think it would be difficult, but maybe to tell him that you did have this conversation and it seems he forgot and how you feel frightened about that. Youve been together for a long time, I would imagine you could be honest like that with him. What do you think?

Our mini rupture was repaired. T admitted he is all too human and tired at night and he forgets. He knows how horrible it made me feel. I was worried he had something wrong with him. He told me if it ever happens again, to just tell him to "get with it". He is such a good T . I hope his being there for me will make a difference now, since the depression is so bad.
Thanks everyone for the replies.

[deliquesce]

(((((((calista))))))))))))
glad you got it sorted, i hope you get what you need to help fight this depression too .