Dependency and Questionable Motives

There was a recent thread where someone’s spouse felt that they rely on there therapist too much, this is something I have worried about.

For some time I have felt that I was too dependant on my therapist, and I have always questioned my motivation for seeing her. Do I really need help or are my motives more selfish, any way you look at things it is very nice to spend an hour with someone who is paying complete attention to you, trying to see things from your point of view, understands your weakness, gee I could keep going but I’m sure you get my point.

Looking forward there is no way I can avoid feeling conflicted about why I am seeing her, but when I look backwards I can clearly see how she has helped me so much, clearly she has saved my life, probably more than once.

So how can I really know were to draw the line between being too dependant on her and seeking her guidance in a totally healthy way to improve my life? I don’t think it is possible to ever honestly answer that question. Also is important that I do so? Probably not (but willing to entertain others thoughts). Is it necessary that I resolve my conflict that I feel regarding my therapist? I certainly hope it is not (but once again willing to hear what others think) I don’t think it is possible for me to resolve this conflict, and while I question my motivation for seeing her I don’t stress over the fact that I continue to see her. Is it wrong for me to continue to see someone who has helped me SO much in the past if my current reasons are completely selfish? Yea I have to say it would be wrong, wrong on a lot of levels. But I don’t doubt my motivation today any more that I doubted my motivation when I first began seeing her, so knowing how much she has helped me in the past and knowing how messed up I still am I don’t feel bad about assuming that while I have reasons to doubt my motivation that doubt isn’t a reason to stop therapy.

Dependency is another issue, how dependant is too dependant? Would my life suddenly end if she stopped seeing me? No, but it would be a huge shock/adjustment not something I want to think about. Here is something that I do wonder about though, how do you sever your dependency on a person that your continue to rely on for support? Seems a bit like trying to get rid of your dependency on nicotine while you still smoke. Can it be done, and if so should you? My gut reaction is no you can’t and if you could you shouldn’t.

Sorry for rambling for so long and saying so little

Those strike me as really good questions. I don't have any answers, though.

I'm facing my dependency issues right now because I'm moving away from my T and it's an unexpected move. She is going to continue to meet with me by phone, but I'm grieving the loss of seeing her weekly. Makes me question my level of dependency and whether it's healthy to be so sad over this loss?

My gut tells me I'll be fine not seeing her. In other words, it won't kill me, and I think I'll function just fine. But I'm still very, extremely sad. Feels like someone is dying.

I haven't ever felt overly dependent on my t's, but there are times that I call when I probably could just use some coping mechanisms and manage through things on my own. My t has asked me, "What do you want me to do when you call?" I'd like him solve my problem, but he doesn't have that power. That's probably where my dependence comes in. I need to find within myself the ability to calm myself down. I'm working on it . . . slowly.

I've been questioning my dependency on my T a lot lately. I've gotten into the habit of emailing her a lot between sessions and just using her as a way of venting and exploring different aspects of myself. At this point I am no longer in an overwhelmed state and my life is manageable.

IDK if there is a correct response on how dependent is too dependent or if it is OK to got to therapy for what you call selfish reasons. I'm struggling with these questions myself.

I say if you feel like going and find it helpful, why change that?

I was talking to my school counselor once and she told me that she sees a counselor and probably will forever, she said there is nothing like being able to go to someone and talk about things that you may never want to share with anyone else, or even just to check in. She said she sees it as emotionally helpful, just as seeing your doctor is physically helpful.

So hey, if it's not hurting you or anyone else, I see no harm in continuing to go, attached or not.

Mike, I can certainly relate to your topic. Boy, can I relate. I just told my new T today that I am a therapy addict. That's the way I feel sometimes. Even when I wasn't having any particular problems, I could never see giving up therapy. I was dependent on the Ts I've seen throughout the years.

The T I recently stopped seeing thought that I could use monthly maintenance forever. She thought it would be good for me. I had asked her if I "need" it and that's the answer she gave for me. Not that I couldn't live without therapy, but that it was good for me.

I think the crucial question, aside from the financial issue of being able to afford therapy, is: does your life revolve around therapy and your T, or do you have a fulfilling life outside of therapy? I don't think you are being selfish if you see a T even if your life is going smoothly.
support?

I just went through that, trying to lessen my dependence of my T while I was cutting down on seeing her. I think it CAN be done, but you have to cut down the frequency of your sessions, or at least start relying on others than your T to meet some of those needs. It's difficult, though. But perhaps it just means that you aren't ready to lessen your dependence yet? If you think you are, have you discussed it with your T? She would be the one to know if you are ready for fewer sessions and maybe just maintenance appointments, if she allows that arrangement.

Yes I have talked things over with her, hey I tell her everything no matter how silly. I have cut back from once a week to once every other week. My life has never revolved around therapy but ther are times when my mind seems to revolve around her, maybe not the best thing for me but far from the worst, concidering how many self destructive thoughts have been at the center of my throught process in the past