[Kiya]

dentist apnt today @_@ called T before hand for support - left a message. Was dissociating quite a bit early on a couple of hours before I left, and when I left T a message, I started crying.

I think all this is because I have been doing healing work - I never used to get upset *before* the dentist (just during) until now. I took T's crystal with me that is on loan to me through this whole month of adjustment with GP and pnp and moving and T time change... and and and...!!!!

So, all in all teeth-wise things are fine. Pain-wise (i am an admitted wimp) I had to have all kinds of numbing gel then novicane gel - then she even pulled out the big gun shot to get to the root @_@ I think this also sent the anxiety sky-high. I'm a pretty bad patient. All this just for a cleaning. *sigh* But i've not seen a dentist in 2 years, and in that time I've gained back some body awareness, so I guess it makes sense (and T said I hadn't been making process). Anxiety-wise, i took extra meds (like I am allowed) and some advil, and still had to conscienclly (sp) breathe and work on relaxing the rigid body that was in the chair (that was lacking that life spark called "being" during that time).

The dentis himself (why are they always male dentists and female dental hygenists???) was Santa Claus incarnate in every way. Made me REALLY extra nervous, especially by patting my head, talking to me like I was 5, patting my shoulder and tapping it, squeezing my arm.... It really took all my mental energies to not slug him - mind I couldn't find my voice to say please don't touch me (why is that????) I sort of knew that that was what I should do, and I know T would have wanted me to- but I just couldn't. I know I left my body more during that and was trying to convince myself, if the hygenist tried to leave to ask her to stay with me as I was starting to have a panic attack. It said right on their form that I have anxiety, am a psych patient and am on 3 meds....

When the dentist took the tools and started to look at my teeth, I noticed his hands shaking, and felt the tool rattle some against my tooth - this sure did not help inspire confidence. Someone needs to tell him he should have retired about 10 years ago... with the pain I was having, there was some talk of a possible cavity and I had decided right then that between my panic and his shaking hands I was NOT going to allow any drilling or fillings!!!! I was working on remembering (and practicing) saying THIS IS MY CHOICE, I CAN SAY NO.

T really should be proud of me; i reached out, i did my breathing excercises, I took the crystal (good thing it is already a crystal - if it had been coal, with the pressure i was squeezing it with, it would have formed into a crystal in those 2.5 hours!!!), only one tear escaped with that big shot, i even asked to go to the bathroom at one point before she brought the dr back in (this is a first for me EVER!!!) and during that time, tried to take a breather.... oh and when ever she stopped work, I asked the body to relax again and again. I figured demanding the entire body was a bit too much for the circumstances, so i tried for my back (which was arched) then later the shoulders, next time the toes.... And I was prepared to ask the asst to stay with me, and to say no to any drilling or fillings. When I finally got out of there, I sat until I was grounded before driving, called a support person (and left a message) then had some chocolate I brought with me for the occasion (good for grounding), and even got myself a coffee later as reward.

But I still could really use some online hugs and support Oh and they had me fill out a "rate this service" form (weird!) and on it I said that it would be really helpful if the dentist didn't touch/tap arms and head. It really kinda hurt too - he is really lucky i didn't swap alters and slug him. I felt one come in just behind the eyes - where the eyes spark (people have told me this before) and know that feeling well. He doesn't know how close.... lol And i wonder if T should know this too - while she is dismantling my DID system, I need to wear a "Beware of wolf" sign, since the control commands are losing their power to direct who gets to act when....

Wo i am in pain - between the mouth and the muscle tightness... more advil and some rest, I think. Sorry for the long post - but thanks for reading.
Kiya

[googley]

(((((((((((Kiya)))))))))
I'm so glad you were able to get through your dentist appointment. I'm surprised that your dentist just assumed that it was okay to touch you. Though he was probably trying to be calming. Sometimes it is surprising how people trying to be calming can really be not calming. I'm glad you made it through! Lots of hugs for you.

[Perna]

I "enjoy" the dentist so can't quite commiserate with you :-) I did get a female dentist, deliberately, last go round. The rapport with a dentist is important to me, even more than how well they fix my teeth! I'd shop around Kiya, try to find one (like you'd shop for a therapist!) that felt good to me. Your Santa Claus was giving ME the creeps.

I'm weird about dentists, they have a "different" meaning in my life as a result of my experiences with them as a child and growing up. I'm glad it's one less thing I need to worry about and that my teeth are taken care of. Now if I could only transfer that to regular doctors.

[Kiya]

thanks - yes hugs today are really super good!

Perna, it was a one time event (sadly) otherwise I would shop around for a female dentist. I just got health care thru the state last week and it is about to change so i will no longer be allowed cleanings (poor people do not need clean teeth afterall) so having only a month to do this in, I jumped at the chance (also not having seen a dentist in 2.5 years). One day, perhaps when I rejoin the world of money, I will have dental (and vision) again and can do exactly that - get a dentist i really trust.

But I must say that the hygenist was great - very kind, caring, and supportive - and careful! She did say that she's never met a person as sensitive as me and I've truly never had to have a novicane shot for a cleaning! But Santa DM said that my mouth had had trauma (I had to really bite down here to not say something) and that because of it, I'd been chewing wrong all this time -course I didn't have this issue before braces.... Anyway, he sanded down some of the areas in the idea that it will help. but that was where he kept poking my arm, to show me how to tap tap tap on the typing ribbon (to mark where the bite was wrong) and it took All My Strength to not TAP him back. That's where I was digging my fingernails into my palm, squeezing the crystal, and trying to keep the internal protector/attacker from hitting him when I felt her flash through my eyes. Moments like that you wish T could be RIGHT THERE and step in and explain things!!!!

[NuckingFutz]

My mom was my dental hygentist. kiya, I know your fear and your pain. I think you handled your cleaning visit beautifully!

[TayQuincy]

Kiya, you did a great job taking care of yourself and coping with the anxiety of going to the dentist!

As a side note, my T told me that she has to have gas to sedate her when she goes to the dentist because she is scared of the pain. I was surprised since I always see my T as capable of handling anything!

(((((((Kiya)))))))

[zooropa]

wow Kiya, you did great!!!

going to the dentist is such a trigger for me I can't do it, even when I have a broken tooth or lose a filling (I have the worst teeth you can imagine). I am so proud of you for going and sitting there for 2.5 HOURS and you got through it! You definitely deserved that chocolate and coffee afterwards

[darkrunner]

I am impressed that you were able to use so many positive coping skills!
It sounds like it was so difficult, but I hope you are proud of yourself.
And I am glad you rewarded yourself with chocolate (yum) and a coffee.
Big hugs Kiya..........

[WePow]

(((( Kiya! )))) We have dental issues - but not as bad as yours. So sorry that it is torture for you!! What we have learned to do is the eye movement therapy back and forth at medium speed in order to release the stress as we are sitting there with our eyes squeezed shut! It actually helps!

[bluesylady]

Hi Kiya, WOW! You did great! Good for you! It sounds like you handled your dental visit beautifully and even though you wanted to "TAP" santa claus back you didn't. I'm lmao @ santa claus. Seriously, you pulled through with flying colors. You should be proud of yourself.

Be well and take care,
bl

[SpottedOwl]

((((Kiya))))

You rock!!!
I mean it -- that dental appointment sounds like it was a real challenge, but you did it! You kept your cool, handled it, reached out for support, and treated yourself afterwards. Excellent work!!!!!

(I just had to go through a bunch of dental work too -- it took a lot of will power to just go, but now that my mouth isn't hurting anymore, it does make it all worthwhile.)

Many, many hugs.

[Kiya]

Oh thanks all for the outpouring of hugs and support - made my day! It's funny too because I am sitting here having to be in practice of recieving kudos, while also being in practice of *asking* for them, all the while practicing being ok with feeling good =) Our lives are so weird, yes?
(((((((((Spotted Owl)))))))) for your own dental - yeah - i am working on believing that it will be worth it after the pain goes away - I am still really hurting from that sanding off of my back teeth's edges. I had no idea just how much it would hurt to move the jaw or chew. I made homemade soup last night and eggs this morning so I am not chewing on anything - even the chocolate i just let melt yesterday (slowest chocolate bar I ever ate, let me tell you).
Thanks all for sharing stories, T sayings, and commiserations!
(((((((((Zooropa)))))))) - i really like Tay's T's advice on getting gas... maybe that would be an option? I was wishing I'd had valium about 3 hours before hand. Taking an extra buspirone sure didn't have any effect.

I see t this afternoon so I can share with her the "progress" - lol she's not going to live this one down (or I wonder if that was one of those reverse psychology tricks; get the patient to progress by telling her she's made no progress in 2 years). Well, it worked, regardless.

Santa DM said that if in a few days the original tooth pain doesn't go away, to call him and come back!!! @_@ HAHAHAHahaha yeah as IF!!! He also told me that I am clentching my teeth (pat my shoulder hard) and that that means I have STRESS (no **** shirlock) PAT PAT (grit teeth) and that I need to pay attention to that (grips arm - nearly shortens his own lifespan)and be sure to reduce stress. OMG I had to fight the urge to tell him that HE is part of my current stress!!! *breathe*
It is over YAY does happy kiya dance. O V E R !!!!!

[BlueMoon6]

(((((Kiya))) I am SO proud of you for going ahead and having the appointment, getting up to go to the bathroom, re-grounding, taking the crystal and being aware most of the time. It is REALLY progress that you could do ALL of this. ALL of it, step by step. I think you did fantastic.

I also wonder why anybody, especially a dentist whose face is in your face thinks he can touch anyone without asking first. This is a big issue for me- strangers touching me or my kids or even my pregant belly when I was preg. Complete strangers. Once I was on a line in the grocery store with my baby in the stroller (my d who is now 6) and a lady in front of my began talking baby talk to the baby and then said"Oh, is that a tooth I see in there?" and she reached over and stuck her finger in my baby's mouth! I swatted her hand away and said "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" She was lucky I didnt slug her, too.

Anyway, Im proud of you for restraining and not slugging the dentist. SOunds like it was very difficult, but you were able to feel uncomfortable for all that time and not act on it and tolerate the uncomfortable feelings. That is really hard stuff

[Kiya]

Originally Posted by BlueMoon6

"Oh, is that a tooth I see in there?" and she reached over and stuck her finger in my baby's mouth! I swatted her hand away and said "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" She was lucky I didnt slug her, too.

OMG!!!!
and thanks bluey =)

[BlueMoon6]

Unreal,huh? And I could never understand why complete strangers think its okay to come up to me (or anyone) and rub a pregnant belly or talk to small children they dont know. Ive had strangers come up to my kids when they were real small and say, "What's your name? Can I have a hug?" Why the heck should they give someone they dont knowa hug? Its a pet peeve of mine....