[Melbadaze]

I say sorry when I bump into strangers, I say sorry sometimes, depending, but never really knew this, depending on what?

T says sorry lots to me, sometimes I want to scream at her, "stop saying sorry", but I don't, I think part of me was learning from this and was enjoying the show of humanity which never existed in my adoptive familie growing up.

I talked to T last week about how I can switch from being me to being my adoptive mother, T nodded, she knows this crap already LOL! I also because of the internalisation process now have a part of me that becomes T too and not just my adoptive mother. Thats why this process takes so long, to be with someone enought to take in parts of them.

Yesterday one of my 16yr old twin daughters had overdone the fake suntan and we were ribbing her a bit, but I saw hurt in her eyes and after she'd gone out I wanted to reach out to her, but felt myself fighting myself, fighting pehaps the adoptive mother introject that never reached out to me, never said sorry and I then flashed to T and how she can so easily say sorry with such meaning and care and I text my daughter saying "sorry if we hurt you" and she text back "its ok x". I felt good that I done this and meant it and felt myself fill an emptiness with my own psyche in doing it.

I realised then that its not in the mistakes we make but its in what we do with the mistakes we make that count, I've always thought I must be perfect, but mucking up and saying sorry is a better lesson and a better way of showing love I feel now.

I cant wait for the day when T's introjection far outweights the introjection of negative forces within me, looked at this way, 6yrs of therapy is pretty small really.

Because of T I have the sort of relationship with my kids I could only have dreamt of once, and saying sorry to those we care about really is very rewarding!

[WePow]

That is so good that you saw the pain and appologized for it. That is a great lesson to pass on to her!

[theave]

I think that's great too - I'm sure your daughter appreciated it - and it's good for our children to know that we are not infallible or always right, and that if we make a mistake we will own up to that. Because making mistakes and learning from them, and allowing ourselves to take that risk, is hugely important, and shows that personal growth continues throughout life.

[notz]

I realised then that its not in the mistakes we make but its in what we do with the mistakes we make that count, I've always thought I must be perfect, but mucking up and saying sorry is a better lesson and a better way of showing love I feel now.

An excellent observation, one I find myself growing because of often. Your daughters are fortunate to have a mother who's willing to keep learning.