What does intimacy in therapy look like?

I'm sorry to hear this. I hope you can be kind to yourself today.

It's hard for me to explain.

Imagine that you have discovered an aspect of yourself that feels very pure and beautiful. Finding this has altered your life in very many positive ways. You feel energized and want to give of yourself to others. You feel reborn in some ways. You have learned how to love and appreciate yourself. And, having recognized this part of yourself with another human being present, this journey feels very much like a shared experience. It was something you found together that feels precious. You cherish the memories of your steps along the path. Your memories include a familiar smile and expression...a soft voice...a hand reaching out to offer you a kleenex...an errant strand of hair...a particular sound...a person who will always be dear to you...

My memories of him remind me that I am a kind and good person. Love...in any shape or form...has always been sacred to me. All of this is personal to me. But, yes, I do know he was doing his job. He did his job very well with me. Still miss him...

{{{{{rainbow}}}}}
Sorry you've had so many challenges this week, hope your grandson is doing great and that you have success in the upcoming job search.

I recommend that you and your T talk again about the way in which email will be handled. She may also choose to adjust her strategy as you move along.

Email is one of the ways I've built intimacy with my T. Initially he was bad about writing back - waiting a day or two or not at all. We talked about it. Then sometimes he wrote back, sometimes he didn't - he'd say "Not sure what to say, those issues are better done in person". It took me a while to accept that answer. Now, when we discuss emailing, I'm just looking for any answer, and told him "Just write me "Busy now but read your message and will think about it." Let me know I'm heard.
I had family visiting for the past 2 wk and wrote him something each day. When we met yesterday, I felt much more connected and open, my anxiety and fear about taking on a tough topic was much lower. I could look him in the face.

I'm sure it won't always be that way. I've worked with this T for 15 months, weekly sessions. I've felt a silly rush of closeness, closeness that made me want to run away, closeness that could use a hug (but that's forbidden), closeness that makes me want to redecorate his office and recommend blue shirts instead of green.

I hope this helps a bit.

That is a wonderful description of intimacy.

((((((((((rainbow)))))))))))

just wanted to say i'm sorry about all the difficult life stuff going on right now for you. that is a lot to have happen all at once!

I love all of these descriptions of intimacy. They are so diverse and prove that it is such a unique experience. To me, intimacy in the therapeutic relationship means I am comfy and easy in his presence and he in mine. It took a long time to achieve this. We are both very relaxed with one another (boundaries firmly in place). I can move from the couch to the chair if I want, get a pillow if I need, take out the colored pencils, and simply just be however I need. I have overcome barriers to openness which has led to a more intimate relationship. I can tolerate him if he's cranky-LOL. I can appreciate his flaws. I can discuss my sexual relationship with H, my love of poetry and read my writing to him. I can walk in and tell him I just need to "be." And I can cry so long and so hard that the next client has to wait. We are comfortable with each other and he trusts me, and I him. Oh yeah, I leave many messages on the phone, some I ask him to return and others I tell him it's not necessary. Sometimes I just need to tell him something and then say "thanks for listening." I know he listens to my phone messages; sometimes we discuss them and sometimes we don't. I have emailed once or twice but that is not part of our relationship.

Rainbow, it took me so long to get to this point; years. So don't despair. And by all means tell her how her weight affects you, it might reveal something you are not aware of. I wouldn't worry about the emails. They are so easy to misinterpret-it's probably better for you both to discuss them in person. But at least it gives you a place to put your feelings. HAve you tried journaling? It really has helped me a lot.

(((((((((Rainbow)))))))))

Hi Rainbow,

Hope the baby is doing OK, my prayers and best wishes for that.

I am sorry that there are so many other stresses in your life right now. I hope you are doing OK. Take care of yourself.

Best,
-Far

(((((((((((rainbow)))))))))))))))

Sending you big hugs, Rainbow.

Thank you for the good wishes and hugs. The baby is doing all right, but in a lot of pain.

I'm going to get back to responses about intimacy when I get a chance.

So good to hear that the baby is doing well. Very sad to think of a baby being in a lot of pain. I hope the healing is quick and the pain gets much better.

Been thinking a lot about this topic of intimacy with T and what it is.
For me, I think the very best example was something T wrote me recently. He knows ME and he knows how to give me what I need that is proper for him to give me at this point of my healing.

This is what I sent T - I had just vented and was in great pain from one of the worst parts of my trauma that finally came forward in memory:

FROM ME to my T : " Emotionally snuggling up to you as a surrogate daddy right now and letting the little me do so because you are SAFE and I need that. I need to know that. Little Me needs to emotionally know this. "

(( T keeps asking me what my little W needs and so I told him. This was his reply. It still just leaves me in awe at his tenderness and compassion towards me. I am no one. But he treats me as if I really were a daughter to him. I never had a daddy that was safe. So for me - this was healing on levels I don't think many could ever really understand. ))

From T to Me: "My heart is sending much love to your little girl W"