[sunrise]

One thing T and I talked about today was how he recently took the state credentialing exam and passed. Despite his training and degree, he's never taken the test before, preferring to have a lesser credential. It turns out he is a terrible test-taker and didn't do well in his younger years whenever tests or grades were required. So this was hard for him--to have to study hard and take the test, not flub it, not give up half way through, not draw a blank when he stared at the questions, not get too nervous, etc. As he told me this, I thought how he is such a great T (IMO) and it seemed kind of absurd, with all his skill and years of practice, he had to take this test to prove that. (Although of course I see the need for these exams.) I was thinking if I was grading his performance as a therapist, I would give him high marks.

Now comes the corny part. When we were ending the session, he stepped away for a moment, and I quickly found a post-it in my purse and wrote a "grade" on it for him. Then after we hugged good-bye, I said I had something for him and handed him the folded-up post-it. He looked at it and said something like, "we don't have time, running late, the next client...." and I said, "it's OK, it's short." He opened it up and read silently what I had written, "A+." He took a moment to comprehend, then looked at me and said kind of slowly, "this is really meaningful." He was so stopped in his tracks--I really enjoyed his being surprised/pleased/moved like that. I remember kind of chuckling and smiling--I really enjoyed giving him something that would have meaning for him. I opened up the door and said "see you next time," and went on out.

I am not usually given to corny gestures, but this was very fun. I liked getting to be that way with my T, and having him like it too. It's nice to know I feel comfortable (and safe) enough with him to do this, and not be worried he might make fun of me or laugh at my sentimentality. (I was often laughed at as a child for expressing feelings, so it hasn't always been easy to loosen up with T and take risks.)

I actually can't believe I did that.

hi Sunny,

that is very corny, but it is also very kind.
your T shared how difficult it was for him to take tests, which some might see as a measure of his abilities, but when it comes to what is really important -- how he interacts in the T relationship -- you told him how good he was. no test needed.

he probably kept it

im sorry you were laughed at for expressing your feelings as a kid. and good for T for helping you be able to be corny... A+ for both of you.

[possum220]

It is very cool when we can connect with our T's and have a laugh.

Awww, I love that you did that

It was really hard to learn to express myself in that way with T, but it's so healing to be able to just BE kind of corny, and affectionate, and appreciative, and have T enjoy it.

Good for you

[perpetuallysad]

That actually made me tear up, sunrise. How very sweet, thoughtful and kind of you.

[rainbow8]

sunrise, I think what you did is beautiful, not corny at all.

[mobius]

That's so sweet

[WePow]

Sunrise - I think that is one of the most beautiful things I have heard in a long time. That is wonderful. Thank you for sharing!

Wow! That's really sweet Sunrise! And it's great that you feel comfortable to reach out to T like that. Well done!

*Willow*

[ECHOES]

Sunny, I think this is fun and cute! He loved it.
I am curious about your calling it 'corny'.

[Kiya]

Awwwwwww it might have been his only ever A+!!!

[MissCharlotte]

Very lovely Sunny. Your gesture shows the depth of the relationship and how you have healed within it.

sunny, what a sweet and generous thing to do for T. i'm sure he was quite touched.

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by Solarwind

he probably kept it

Ahhhh, that made me feel so good. Don't know if it's true, but I'm going to think that it might be true so I can feel good.

Originally Posted by Solarwind

A+ for both of you.

Thanks.

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by treehouse

It was really hard to learn to express myself in that way with T, but it's so healing to be able to just BE kind of corny, and affectionate, and appreciative, and have T enjoy it.

It is healing. It makes me realize how I have missed out all these years on not having that in my relationships. I think I do have it somewhat with my daughters, and I am happy for that.

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by ECHOES

He loved it.

Yes, I think he did. And I love doing something for him that he loved. (Clients sometimes wonder if it is OK to give their Ts gifts or not, but there is no stopping the client if the gift takes the form of a post-it with a grade on it, or other informal expressions of appreciation.)

Originally Posted by ECHOES

I am curious about your calling it 'corny'.

Just meant it to mean very sentimental. If I had said to him, in the moment, when he told me about the test, "you get an A+ in my book," then I would have labeled that as very sweet. But instead I waited until the end of the session, wrote this note secretly with his grade on it, and then presented it to him with a bit of a melodramatic flair at the very end. This to me made it "corny"--not a bad thing, just kind of a fun and goofy sentimentality.

[BlueMoon6]

Sunny- What a lovely gift to give T. I think it shows how when we heal we can just "be" without ruminating or judging ourselves or what the other person wil think. I think your gesture demonstrates how healing truly is freedom.

A+ for Sunny, too!

[ECHOES]

I'm glad that "corny" means fun and goofy, and not a negative judgement about it.