[velcro003]

I'm sinking and sinking and sinking...and I have no one, not really. My roommate doesn't understand, I think she is annoyed/frustrated with me. The GM at work was worried about me, my boss asked if I needed to go home...I can't fall into that abyss.

I'm sorry you are going through a tough time with no-one to support you IRL. Can you try to keep busy either by doing stuff you have to do eg housework, or if you can't manage that by doing enjoyable/relaxing stuff eg go see a movie, read, craft etc. I find that keeping busy (but not stressfully busy) helps slow down the sinking feeling - I'm still sinking but not so quickly as when I do nothing and sleep all day.

I don't know if that helps or not, but just wanted you to know you're not alone in this feeling.

Take care,

*Willow*

[googley]

((((((Velcro))))))))

Feeling alone is so hard. You are not alone here.

[Kiya]

You're right - gotta find ways to not fall into the abyss... gotta find things that you can do "by rote" that even if you are not able to "enjoy' them, that they get you up, out, functioning, and eventually might bring you not only from the abyss' edge, but closer to 'enjoyment'.
Like, I make myself get out and go to a community store i like and sit in the eating area in the squashy chairs to either read, draw, doodle, write a letter, or just people watch. It gets me away from me for a bit. I try to go to parks, but it gets to overwhelming. At least at the store there are often coffee samples (and food samples). Can you start thinking about things like that/making a list (even in here if you want) that might work as a catylist?
Speaking of which, i need to make myself vacuum tonight *sigh*. and then make food.

[ECHOES]

((((velcro))))

Do you know what is causing you to feel like you are sinking?
You have us with you

[velcro003]

thank you everyone. so much. for understanding.

i truly don't know why i suddenly am feeling so awful. but i hate it. i hate that people are either worried (like co-workers who have NO idea I struggle with depression), or my rooommate/close friends who just don't understand why I can't just go out and do things to make me feel better. I wish I could.

Tonight I had a dinner plan for my roommate's birthday, so I did go out. And my friends (my ONE friend in town) brought their baby, and its hard to be sad when you have a sweet baby grinning at you.

But now that I'm home...I hate that I feel so alone and so hopeless. My T tried today to see her (when I just had an appt. yesterday), and she also tried to get me to talk to her on the phone...but she accidentally typed in the wrong digit It was SO sweet of her to keep me feeling ok when I JUST saw her yesterday, even though we failed to get together. I don't understand why she is being so nice, but i wish I could let myself feel like that was enough, or ok.

I don't know. I've had a couple of beers and an ambien...I should go to sleep. Thank you guys.

((((((((((((((velcro))))))))))))))

It's awful to feel so bad and not be able to pinpoint the "why". I hope tomorrow is a little brighter for you.

[mobius]

It's so hard sometimes - and it's even harder when it feels like others don't understand. I'm glad your therapist gets it and tried to reach out to you, even if it didn't quite work out right. Glad you're reaching out here too.

[mixedup_emotions]

(((( HUGS ))))

I know how scary and awful it feels to be heading towards that deep, dark place....

How are you feeling now?

(sorry I haven't been around lately to support you....I know we're like twins with what we're going through...)

[velcro003]

aw thanks mobius and MUE!

I'm doing a little better. It did make me feel better that T was ready to talk to me if needed. I was forced to clean my apt this weekend, because we had friends over...and I made myself sit down and paint too.

Thanks guys...I'm going to start a new thread that this all brought up

[velcro003]

UGH! This is affecting work...and I'm such a mess.

[Snakebit]

Do you have any sick days you can take?

Would it help to just get in bed for awhile? Have a couple of days of movies, popcorn, and chocolate.

People who don't have depression, don't understand it. I was on the phone with a friend and told him I had a setback and he said "you're always having setbacks" and I was able to reply "that's depression, that's what happens with depression". It felt good to say it.

[velcro003]

i could never imagine saying it! and no, i really can't. i work customer service, and im the only full-time employee, so its nearly impossible to find coverage.

[deliquesce]

your health comes first, poppet. my boss is the best boss anyone could hope for - she knows i have depression - and she tells me that i need to learn that no workplace is ever going to stand by you when you're really ill, so you need to make sure that you keep yourself from getting there. and if it involves taking a day off and creating extra stress for someone else, then so be it - it's not your responsibility to ensure someone else is covering you, you can't help it if you're sick (=depressed).

so if you think it would help to have a bit of R&R, then please do it without feeling guilty!!!

i've been wondering how you've been going, i'm glad this thread got bumped back up.