[krazibean]

I'm sorry I only come around here once in awhile. I never comment on other people's posts, but I do read them. And then when I make a post I expect people to comment. Selfish much? I'm not liking myself...

I had a therapy session tonight. I was very much looking forward to it. I wanted to talk. I'm so mad at myself right now because I totally screwed myself over. I took a nap after work, and I SET MY ALARM for 45 minutes before I even had to be there. Apparently it shut itself off, and guess who overslept. She called me at 10 after. I'm like OH HI i'll be there soon. she said she could only stay until 9 but I wanted to go anyway. By the time I got there it was about 8:20 (thankfully I live pretty close.) She wrapped up her convo with a co-worker and then our session started. We talked about things I didn't plan on talking about, and not what I planned on talking about. It was ok though, because the things we did talk about were good. But normally we would have time for everything. At 9 on the dot she wrapped it up. I said I wish you could stay, and she explained to me that its not healthy for her to work late every night and that she worked late last night and her 5 year old is upset that she's not home. I understand. I want her to be healthy and I want her to tend to her family. Yea i'm jealous that she went home for him and she couldn't stay with me. Yea i'm upset that she couldn't stay an extra 10-15 minutes to talk to me. but who am i most mad at? MYSELF! It's all my fault, and now I have to go through the weekend lasting on a session that felt cut off. I also will probably not sleep tonight because of my nap, so I will be up late and most likely upset.

I don't know what this means, do I have to pay for the full session? I didn't ask, it shouldn't matter. She spent 20 mins on the phone with me yesterday which makes up for it, plus the countless times she's gone over for me. So why does it even matter?

To top it off, I know it's her birthday tomorrow. No, she's never told me. But I found out from all my stalking days were I would look her up. She also had a present on her desk. When we were leaving I wanted to say happy birthday, but we would have had to talk about it first. I don't like knowing tomorrow is her birthday and i'm sad about the fact that she didn't tell me. But I know anyway and she doesn't know that i know.

I'm not sure how i'm going to get through the weekend. I already want to call her.

[rainbow8]

((((krazibean))))

I would be mad at myself too if I missed a session because I fell asleep, but sometimes things like that happen. At least she didn't cancel you completely for being late. I would assume you have to pay for the whole session.

I wish she had said something else instead of how she had to get home to her 5 year old. If it were, that would hurt a lot, even though I know Ts are people with families too!

You said she talked with you on the phone for 20 minutes yesterday. If she allows phone calls, can you call her tomorrow and tell her how you feel? Do you see her once a week?

I understand about knowing her birthday but her not knowing you know it! I used to look up everything about my former T but I told her I knew when her birthday was, so that made it easier. It was still awkward because I wanted to tell her "happy birthday" but I was never sure if it was all right to do that. Once I wrote a poem about my therapy and gave it to her for her birthday.

I know it will be awkward, but I think you have to tell her you know first before wishing her a happy birthday. Maybe you could tell her on the phone that you know it. Or, you could say "I saw a present on your desk. Is it your birthday? When she says "yes", you can then wish her a happy day. I'm not sure it's a good idea to be dishonest, though. It would probably be better to just tell you looked it up in the past. Does she know anything about your "stalking days"? If you've been seeing her a long time, she'd probably be pleased this was something you did in the past, and not now.

Can you make a lot of plans for distraction over the week-end? I hope the time goes quickly for you, or that you can talk to T a little so you won't have that "I can't get through this" feeling.

[dfh932]

((((((krazibean)))))) I would totally get upset about oversleeping and messing up a T appointment. That is very understandable and would put me in a super-funk.
Agree with rainbow about the 5 year old thing, that would have probably made me feel guilty if my T said it...
Also the birthday wish seems okay --I would also say about the stalker thing...I always wonder about birthdays and holidays and how to act/what to do...I'm not sure of my T's birthday but i would like to think i could tell her happy birthday..or give a card? Like rainbow said, she'd probably like to know how you started out stalker-y and are better now...information about how your relationship has evolved and how you relate to her?
I hope you can call or email her if you are not feeling better soon? ((((krazibean)))))