[peaches100]

Does anybody remember the term "slam book?" It pertained to blank books that the school class would pass around. Each person had their own book, and they would be passed around and people would write down in each person's book what they thought of that person. They usually didn't sign their names, which allowed them to feel anonymous enough to give their opinions, both good and bad. I guess it caused alot of hurt feelings; hence, the name "Slam" book. If a person read mean things that somebody said about them, they would be angry and slam it shut.

Well anyway. . .

I would like to invite anybody here on PC who has read enough of my threads, and feels like they know where i'm coming from, to PM me and tell me what strengths or good qualities i have, and also what they perceive as my weaknesses or areas where improvement would benefit me. I think it would help me understand better how i come across to others. The only thing i ask is to please be tactful because i do tend to be sensitive. But please also be honest! I promise not to get

I don't see this as a situation in which to become provoked, but as a kind of a "self-improvement" thing. I also realize that any responses are opinions only and not locked in stone judgements. So i won't take them so seriously that i base my whole self-worth on them. I just think it may help me to understand how others perceive me.

I also figure that PMing me would be best; that way, each person's response will be uniquely theirs and they won't be influenced in any way by what others have to say.

Thanks!

[Melbadaze]

peaches, The thing is with this, you never know where a person is coming from and their angle on you may say more about them then you. You'd be better spending sometime in self reflection I feel, how others see you is exactly that, how they see you, perhaps underneath this your asking a really different question? Perhaps to just be picked up and held.

[sittingatwatersedge]

Peaches I have to agree with MDaze (although this is not what you were asking to hear), this may not be a recommended question to ask... I once asked someone on PC what they thought of one specific thing and their reply sent me into spirals that only T could iron out. And in the end I found that I had interpreted the responding person's words using MY internal translator, and had made things terrible when they shouldn't have been.

Having said all that!!! I have always found you to be a person of faith, with a caring heart and a willingness to compassionate those who are hurting and confused, and to share the wisdom you have gained in therapy. I'm happy to know you.

PS the slam books I remember were a little different. Page 1 was numbered 1 to 60 or whatever, and you signed up to be #11 say. Then page 2 was numbered similarly and at top was a question, e.g. who is yr favorite teacher, what will you study in college, etc. it was really a sort of questionnaire.
It was a pretty stupid idea as anyone who said anippy stuff was clearly identifiable. One of these books actually got intercepted by our algebra teacher (who was also our baseball coach and very goodlooking). That school was fairly strict and we all expected to be in trouble for passing the book in class, but he never did lower the boom on us. Probably because he was the one who was named hands down as favorite teacher. <grin>

[purple_fins]

Wow-- I've never ever heard of such a thing! "slam book"

The school and district I went to were way too poor to have very many books, let alone empty page ones for others to write in. When I was in 4th grade, we got all excited when they brought an old trailer on the parking lot of the school, to be used as a library with shelves and books in it-- the first time I ever got to take a book home! some kids homes didn't have indoor plumbing, some kids still couldn't read by the 8th grade..... I imagine that sounds unbelievable since it was the 1970's and 80's.... but that's how it was.

I can understand your wanting to seek perspective about yourself-- in hopes to make positive changes.... with that said-- I think it can be like walking on thin ice... as we here can't see your expressions, we don't know the dynamics of your whole self. And the typed
word, as you've experienced with your T., can be misunderstood so easily.
(it doesn't have the expressions with it, the body language and such)

The thing I ponder the most from you is this -- Why is it so important what other people think of you? It seems you put very much weight on that.

an example why asking others what they think might not be best for you---- Most of my family thought and still think I'm boring/lame coz I've never been on drugs or in jail. I didn't get pregnant as a teenager and went to college right from high school(never finished though.. but I did go for 2 years). My family regard me as a "loser" for having insight at a young age. I was always trying so hard to do the "the right thing", be a good girl. Anymore, I try not to take much stock in how others think of me.(I truly felt insane for years coz of what my family thought of me, as I thought I was doing the things that should make one even more accepted but instead I was shunned) I think you must be careful who you ask, as to what they think of you-- it could result in more confusion than when you first started.

Your T. knows you much better than us here, do you know what she thinks of you? How about your sister or aunts or cousins? what about a neighbor?.... those people may "know" the whole you better than we could here.....
and most of all-- what about YOU-- what do you think of you?

I hope the PMs you receive are helpful for you and lead you to some inner peace-- if not-- maybe that wasn't the kind of help you really needed....

I can understand you are on a quest-- I wish you the best

fins

[Sannah]

Why Peaches? What is going on?

[ECHOES]

peaches, when I was growing up, these were popular. I always thought they were called slam books because you could slam someone anonymously. I thought they were mean spirited. Nice people were deeply hurt by them.

It would be hard to do what you are asking, based on written words only. I think it would take real person-to-person interactions.

But I do enjoy your curiosity in inquisitiveness!

[sunrise]

peaches, thank you for explaining what a slam book was, because I have always wondered why they were called that. We never had them at school, but I had penpals, and it was quite popular to send "slams" to your penpal, and then she would fill out a page and pass them on to a penpal of hers, etc. Then the person to write on the last page was supposed to mail the slam back to the person who started it, so she could see where around the country (and world) the slam had been. Often people wrote something about where they lived, or wrote a poem, or pasted in pics of their pets, or stickers. If you wanted more penpals, you would put your address in and make that request, and then you would get more letters from around the world. I thought they were great fun!

Peaches, I understand the impulse to know what others think of you. I think it would be better to ask people who really know you--trusted friends, or family--not message board people that you've never met, and who only respond in writing. As you know from emails, when you're trying to tell someone something important, writing it can sometimes lead to misunderstandings. I think a therapist is a great person to ask this question of, because they will tell you (hopefully!) in a non-judgmental, non-hurtful way. (Plus they also tell you your strengths, so you get some strokes. ) My T told me once a flaw of mine and I really appreciated it. I wanted to know more so asked him undefensively to explain, and he did. It was a great conversation! Have you ever asked your T this question?

[lily99]

(((((((peaches)))))))

take care