therapy about therapist?

i seem to be at a point in my therapy (a year and a half in) that a lot of our sessions are spent talking about 'us.' have any of you experienced this and is it normal? and how long until we go back to just talking about regular issues? don't get me wrong, i like it and seem to get something out of it, but i'm begining to feel like it's abnormal..

My T also seems to want me to talk about our relationship a lot. I find this quite challenging. But since I am in therapy in the first place because I have never been able to create close relationships for myself, I guess it makes sense for me to focus on what is going on in this one. And I must say I am learning a lot about the myriad of ways I keep myself safe and hidden, and alone. Amidst all of this though, I do end up exploring the roots of all of this as well, which means talking about the experiences that influenced how I got to be the way I am.
I don't think there's anything abnormal going on with your T. It seems like her/his approach is psychodynamic, which is a style that does focus a lot on the T-client relationship.

One thing my T does insist on, though, is that I am in charge. So if there's something else I really need to talk about, we at least start there if I manage to bring it up.

Who usually get things going in your sessions? If it's not you, maybe you can talk with your T and set it up so that it is that way?

I'm 3 years into therapy, and we've spent a lot of time talking about our relationship over the past year. Like ripley, it's typically with the aim of exploring how the ways I'm interacting with her mirror my interactions with others and how the dynamics are related to events from my past (though less on the latter point, I now realize).

I don't think it's abnormal, but probably the more useful question is whether it feels helpful. To me it's an integral part of the therapy, but I know that's not the case for everyone.

You may know this already, but I've always wanted to spend a lot of my therapy time talking about US, T and me. Bt didn't like that, but she let me do it. She knew I couldn't help it.

I'm just starting to have a lot of feelings for my new T, especially the angry ones I expressed in an email. She emailed that she was glad I could tell her, and it's good to "notice" these feelings. So I think she believes it's going to be helpful to discuss them. I suppose they are mostly transference feelings. I'm planning to ask her how important it is to discuss them.

I don't have to talk about what happened and how I felt with Bt, because I'm repeating it. She saw how disappointed I was at the end of my session.

When you talk about you and T, is it about how your feelings for her relate to your feelings for others in your life, like a parent? Is T relating it to YOU? If so, then she must think it's productive. But you can change the subject at any time. I don't think I've ever spent session after session on my relationship with my T, though I have to admit that it sounds very alluring to do that, normal or abnormal.

T and I talk about "us". Right now, it seems like we talk about it A LOT.

I think in some types of therapy (CBT?) it wouldn't be normal, but in many types of therapy, it's very normal and expected.

Until recently, it was never the FOCUS of our session, but would come up here and there as we worked on other stuff. Trusting T was very VERY hard for me, so it would come up in that context a lot.

Now, it's the focus of our sessions more often. And ugh - it can be REALLY hard.

I think you're normal

I think there's a big range of how therapy sessions go and there is no one "right" way or "normal" way. Seventyeight, It sounds like what you're doing is within the range. I think you can go back to talking about "regular" issues any time you want. Since you've spent so much time on developing the relationship, it could be that when you return to working on some other issues, you will be able to work on them in a new way.

Usually when my T and I work, we don't focus just on our relationship, but it may come up at any time with respect to what we are working on. Our relationship informs everything, and sometimes we talk about it, but most of the time it is just there in the background. I see it as a good thing.

It's absolutely normal. It does depend on the style of therapist/therapy, but psychodynamic therapists do a lot of this. It's related to transference issues. A lot of what is going with your thoughts and feelings and ways of relating to your T are influenced by relationships with other major people in your life, e.g. mom and dad. We project onto our T's things based on how we related to and fell about parents and other main figures. Our actions toward our T's are shaped by our experiences with others. So in talking about your feelings, etc. about your t, you're talking about your parents, etc. but in a context where the feelings can be openly discussed by someone who's an expert and is there as a "helper." In general, your T is just another person, so your relationship with him/her reflects how you relate to others--and you work on your relationship skills by talking with your T about it. It's not idle time. Not all T's are like that, but for the many that are, what you're doing is typical.

In my therapy we've had a lot of dialog lately about our interaction and how I'm feeling about it and how my perceptions have changed. I think these discussions have been important and I think they relate directly to an issue I've placed on the table at the moment. In my case I have a lot of trouble accepting assistance from other woman and I recently admitted that when I first started therapy I did not really want a woman therapist but was too embarrassed to specifically ask for a male therapist. So we've been talking about how our relationship has developed and the things I initially struggled with and things I'm still struggling with. I think reviewing how the T relationship evolved and reminding myself of all the amazing things that have come out of pushing through my discomfort and resistance has been very valuable.

Yeah, my therapist and I talk about our relationship a lot - although not as much now as in the past.

He's deeply rooted in the psychodynamic school, and the relationship forms the basis for the therapy.

We've spent a lot of time cultivating it, and maintaining it.

It's definitely helped my recovery.

seventy-eight,
Yes, I should've added to my post what elliemay just said. The focus on it has been very helpful to me, too.

Direct questions are often the path to clarity. Ask your T why your relationship with them keeps being revisited. Does the T believe there is an issue that needs to be dealt with? Get them to clarify.

You have every right to say "I do not want to speak of this today". Undoubtedly, they will ask "Why?" and you can come up with whatever reason you like. I have 2 psychologists, one for CBT/DBt and one who is a Aspergers specialist T. My primary T decided that it would be better for me to see one T at a time, so the AS therapist is it for now. Strangely I felt disloyal to my primary T for seeing another T, even though she is the one that referred me. So, to remove the "conflict of interest" in my mind, she helped make the decision for me. It was discussed, noted and we moved on.

I still reflect on it occasionally, but it does not need to be discussed to the bone.

If you don't want to talk about it, you don't have to, even if they want to. You are the boss, it is your session at the end of the day.

Take care of your precious self.

In stillness,

Michah