[Melbadaze]

So after last weeks, "Can you swim" question, low and behold another simple statement with hidden depth!!

On arriving I sat down and looked toward my tissue box, the one T has kept for the past 2yrs becuase I grew attached to it and talk to it and read it and stand it up like a wall between us sometimes and get sad at the thought of it being thrown away, T says it represents her and loving takes care of it and refills it from other boxes rather than just renew the box.

So I Felt a bit anxy today arriving to session. First thing I said was I feel on the edge of something, perhaps depression or something that I need to take care of by myself and if I talk T may take whatever it is I need to protect myself away from me. Then I looked at my box of tissues and tried to read the writing it and then laughted and pushed it away because I didnt have my glasses on and can't read without them now and said as I pushed them away, well thats not going to happen, can't read that without glasses, adn then said, why's that happen?? how comes your eye sight deteriates as you get older?? whats that all about then?? not really needing a reply, more a statement of bewilderment from me.

We talked some more, and we got onto can I feel T is predictable? that she is always there for me, and then she said, I think if you trust me, then you are afraid I may take something away from you like how you were talking about loosing the ablity to see as you get older, that I may take your "eyesight" away if you trust me. I went to protest in jest and realised, dam shes right again! I had talked about watching the film "The Pianist" last night and how the pianist after being on the run for so long and managing to survive comes face to face with a Germany soilder right near the end and the emotions that brought up for me in that moment adn T said "yes in that moment he didnt know whether the German soilder was going to help him or turn him in, he had to trust", she said everything you've about today has been about whether you can trust I will be there for you, like when I child throws a toy out of the cot and at first thinks the toy wont return but after a few times of the mother picking it up and giving it back to him/her the baby learns that the mother is predictable and that throwing the toy out doesnt mean it will be lost, so by letting down your guard/throwing the toy out, you are relising I am predicable, and today is about whether you can "throw out/talk about" how your feeling, and if I will be able to hold you as you do, will I disappear and leave you, will I take something from you by not being predictable.

I sat quitely for a while and I said, you know I know your right, I know I trust you a whole lot more now, but I hate it when you say it, tell me I do T said, yes because then its out there, you can't sneak up to it, it becomes risky when faced with it. I said reading about trust and feeling it are 2 different things! T said yes, but its a gradual thing, I said yeah I feel like I'm climbing up the steps to it but have to stop every so often, and T said yes, and sometimes you have to go back down to have a look at what you've already passed.

[WePow]

W O W !!! Thank you tons for this awesome post!!!!