[pinkery]

Here’s a situation I am in the middle of:
Therapist was sleeping with a client for years, then began sleeping with another client, fell in love with the newer client, they got married, dumped the other client. Horrible story; the only reason I know about this is because the client this happened to told me about it, a good friend of mine. The therapist lost license. Well now this “therapist” who used to see my former partner as a client is seeing my current partner as a client…they were before we met. (small town). So I carry this secret and I am not even sure if my partner knows…I have some fears that since this person crosses boundaries that this person could share information from my former partner with my new partner. Another reason this is a concern is that this therapist shared information with another therapist I was seeing years ago and it got back to me. So you see the dilemma? I have just let things be and feel like it is not my place to control this situation and I also feel that it would hurt my partner. Also that my friend was hurt so terribly feels horrible.
Any insight from therapists or anyone?
I wrote this weirdly to keep it as anonymous as possible

[imapatient]

How is this "therapist" still practicing? You said "he" lost his license?

Not so sure on the current partner issue: Why wouldn't you tell them about the therapist's history--esp. losing license--so they can back out of the therapy relationship?

i also am wondering how it is this t is still practicing. i'd tell your partner. who would want to go to an unethical t like that? the chances of history repeating itself (i.e. this t doing something unethical) are too high.

[pinkery]

Thank you both for your responses. I do want to disscuss this with my partner. I should have explined another part of this. My partner has been seeing this t for many years, long before we met and before the t lost license which happened not too long ago. I assume my partner knows about this but does not know the exact reason, probably thinks it was a law suit gone wrong. Or that might be the kind of story a T like this tells others. There are many boundary issues here, such as they are close, almost like this T is a mentor. So I feel like I need to be careful about how I discuss this. We have never talked about it, but I am sure my partner knows and has heard some other side of the story from the T…I also do not want to divulge my friend’s secret, so how could I explain my concerns to my partner?... Not sure how to approach this or at least show my concerns.

[phoenix7]

guys i think pinkery used the term therapist just to identify the person - they were struck off but are seeing Pinkerys current partner as a client

this person - ex therapist - also saw Pinkerys old partner as a client so there is the problem - wil they pass on information as they have already shown they are not professional or ethical

did i get that right pinkery?

I would tell your partner that you have information about the ex therapist and do they want to hear it?

i hope it works out for you

P7

[Perna]

Sounds like you're concerned about what may/may not be said about you because this "therapist" is a gossip.

The whole situation doesn't sound like something I would take too seriously, other than as gossip. Do you have "secrets" that bother you? I would work on them if I can, so they either don't bother you or aren't "secret" anymore so there's no threat. If the "therapist" is married and your partner is well-partnered with you, I don't think you have anything to fear on that front and, presumably, most of the hurt parties know about this "therapist" and know not to trust them (anymore)? I might try to start a conversation with my partner on what they know about this "therapist" but, presumably, if your partner has been seeing the therapist since before they have been seeing you, they are comfortable with the therapist in the role the therapist is in. But I would certainly work to protect myself from getting hurt. Everyone appears to be adults and it's very hard to tell others what to believe/what they should do, etc. so I wouldn't worry about them but only myself.

[growlycat]

If it were me, I'd tell my partner. It's painful, but not as painful as getting attached to an unethical therapist then having to break it off eventually. Wow, this therapist sounds like a bad seed.

[pinkery]

Thanks all and thanks Pheonix for clearing that up, you're right.
I am not worried about any romance as they are "hetro" and opposite sex. We're all married and happy. I don't have "secrets" per say but therapists should keep private information private, I have the right to start a new life with a new partner and not have a past failed relationship and the mistakes that we both made hanging over my head. That is for me to discuss with my partner as it pertains to our relationship, not for some "t" to tell. My partner is already attached to this "T", has been for years, that's a big part of the issue. I’ve thought about what’s the point really of bring this up. I honestly do not think I have much to worry about. But I do feel really upset about my friend, like is there any justice. Someone gets used by a “t” and thrown away, traumatized and my partner doesn’t know what kind of person this is and this person affects my partners thinking. Therapist’s actions really affect people’s lives; even little things like giving too many personal opinions.
Anyway, I appreciate the support it helps to talk about this.