Re: Major boundary dilemma - Duplicate post

Thank you both for your response. This would have made more sense if I explained a little more. It's not so much whether or not to as much as how to bring this up. My partner has been seeing this t for many years, long before we met and before the t lost license which happened not too long ago. I assume my partner knows about this but does not know the exact reason, probably thinks it was a law suit gone wrong. Or that might be the kind of story a T like this tells others. There are many boundary issues here, such as they are close, almost like this T is a mentor. So I feel like I need to be careful about how I discuss this. We have never talked about it, but I am sure my partner knows and has heard some other side of the story from the T…I also do not want to divulge my friend’s secret, so how could I explain my concerns to my partner?... Not sure how to approach this or at least show my concerns.

Maybe the T is not like T was years ago. Lost license could have been reinstated upon certain conditions (own therapy being one, maybe). Perhaps T is a better T for what happened, has regrets, has worked through guilt, etc?

I think it is between your partner and the T.

That is a good point. I do not judge people for things they have done, for what they have or do. I see people for who they are inside I know I have made mistakes and I have changed and grown. I just worry about things and somehow feel that my partner will get caught up in some kind of mess. But that may not be the case. This T just lost license so it has not been reinstated, that's public information. But I think you may be right about the changing part, perhaps if this person apologized or took responsibility for the actions it might help the healing process. I also think you're right that it is between therapist and client and it's not my place, that's why it is hard to bring this up. but really I need to let things go as they will. I think I will discuss my feelings but not any judgments. I live in a small town so people talk all over the place, but we do not, so I am sure this is already known info. I just want to be able to share my feelings.

If it is a small town, and if people talk all over the place, and if your partner has been seeing this T for many years, it is very possible your partner does know the particulars and has made a separate decision (from yours) about what she wants to do.

That she is still seeing this T and that she hasn't discussed with you what the whole town seems to know, tells me she doesn't care to.

I can't help shake the feeling, and I may be completely wrong about this, and if so I'll apologize right now.... that you are really itching to tell what you know.