[granite1]

so my T read the letter i sent her outloud and it was hell.she pulled her chair close to me and that freaked me out and she wanted me to hold the letter with heri couldnt do it my hands were shaking out of controle and she was so close to me.so she read it but really didnt have much to say about it exsept talking to me about differnt types of T for people who cant use words.and one was art T. so now this is what she wants me to do.i get to sit on the floor i like that today i used oil pastels.now i have a bunch of Q for those who do or have done art T.
1.do you worry what you have done isn't good enough?
2. does you T do art with you?mine did
3.do you think about your progect after you are home wishing you did something differnt
4. do you spend time wondering what you will do next.
5. do you dissociate when you are doing a project in t.i seem to it is like i just go in my head just like if i was sitting in the chair with her talking.i cant move but after a bit i came back and was able to draw more.does this happen to you.
I liked what my T did.she cut out two heads and did a pic of therapy and one person talking and the other not with a bunch of floating paper pieces and she said that was what she thought T must be like for me WOW it was perfect.maybe she really does get it .i was able to look at her pic and knew that looked exactally how i feel. she ended our T with some meditation and breathing and silence i liked that also.i accually found myself responding to her breathing.

[zooropa]

oh, granite, this is so great! It sounds like your T is really committed to you and to finding a way to make therapy more effective for you. I'm SO GLAD. I have never done art therapy but I'm curious about what others will have to say about it.

[skeksi]

I'm really glad this was a helpful experience for you!

My T asked me to do some art, too, when talking was really hard. I was too self-conscious to use many materials, but I wish I had. I still often draw when I am anxious and it is helpful (both the process of making the art and discussing the product).

Your T sounds very invested in your treatment.

[sunrise]

Granite, your session sounds wonderful! It must feel so good to think that maybe your T does understand how it is.

I haven't done art therapy but my teenaged daughter sees an art therapist. When they do art, they do it together. I think it makes it easier for my daughter to carry on a conversation if they are busy doing something together, so the words don't end up being the focus--too much pressure. They sometimes do painting, sometimes collages, and sometimes they build a structure together.

i accually found myself responding to her breathing.

You sound very attuned.

[rainbow8]

granite, your post made me smile!!! I am relieved and happy that your T is going to be doing art therapy with you. Yes, it sounds like she "gets it" when she made the head cut-outs.

My T had me make a collage about my Mom, but she didn't do it with me. I enjoyed doing it, but she's not really an art therapist. It doesn't matter how "good" the end result is; how you express yourself is what's important, and what the art means to you.

That is absolutely wonderful that you could respond to Ts breathing!! I am so happy for you. I think this session was the start of much growth in your therapy.

[velcro003]

that sounds wonderful granite!

My T tried it with me twice. I failed! She said she knew I was interested in art, so maybe it would help. She gave me a piece of paper and a box with markers and pastels in them. I just stared at her like "You're just going to watch me draw?!"

I ended up doodling a tiny little by in the middle of the page in that one session. She had out the paper and markers the next session, and I didn't do it. I kind of wanted to, but was too self-conscious. Then she stopped putting it out.

[Sannah]

Wow, this is great granite!! Your T is really trying to reach you!! Your questions sound like you are worrying about your performance? Your dissociation sounds normal to me.

[granite1]

SKEKSI+VELCRO.at first i didnt think was was going to be able to do it either.her reading that letter i sent was real hard for me.i was so far in my head it took me a long time to be able to move.she put a box of art supplies on my lap and asked me to open it and see what was in it and pic some stuff i might want to use.she put a mat on the floor with some paper.after that she started on her project.asking me if i wanted to give it a try.i so wanted to be sitting on the floorit was so awsome .i quickly grabed the oil pastells and sat on the floor.might i say i ever relaxed after a bit as i was drawing.although i still had a hard time staying out of my head and in the room that kind of worries me.i do have some strange reactions to the whole experiance but i couldnt believe i wasnt as selfconsous about it as i could have been.

[granite1]

Originally Posted by sunrise

Granite, your session sounds wonderful! It must feel so good to think that maybe your T does understand how it is.

I haven't done art therapy but my teenaged daughter sees an art therapist. When they do art, they do it together. I think it makes it easier for my daughter to carry on a conversation if they are busy doing something together, so the words don't end up being the focus--too much pressure. They sometimes do painting, sometimes collages, and sometimes they build a structure together.

You sound very attuned.

when ever she showed me that pic she did of the two heads and all the noise it blew my mind.how could she put exactally how i was feeling on paper like that and i totally understood it.i really believed that she got it.i dont think all the words in the world could have convinced me of this but one simple pic did.for the first time i really felt like it may be ok.

[granite1]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

granite, your post made me smile!!! I am relieved and happy that your T is going to be doing art therapy with you. Yes, it sounds like she "gets it" when she made the head cut-outs.

My T had me make a collage about my Mom, but she didn't do it with me. I enjoyed doing it, but she's not really an art therapist. It doesn't matter how "good" the end result is; how you express yourself is what's important, and what the art means to you.

That is absolutely wonderful that you could respond to Ts breathing!! I am so happy for you. I think this session was the start of much growth in your therapy.

i hope she isnt expecting great works of art from me because it aint going to happen .but i'm going to give this a try it really was ok.i'm also liking the meditation at the end also i like the silence.i think i still need that.she also said she is going to help me work on not being so scared.

[granite1]

Originally Posted by Sannah

Wow, this is great granite!! Your T is really trying to reach you!! Your questions sound like you are worrying about your performance? Your dissociation sounds normal to me.

last night all i could thik of was i hope it was ok and what am i going to do next.but my head was filled with things that i could draw to show t what is going on i just worry that i wont be able to make her understand .or ill do it wrong or something.i have never done this type of T at all.T is really good at it.

[rainbow8]

I wonder why your T didn't try the art therapy sooner with you. But I am SO glad you are optimistic about it!! Don't worry about doing it right or wrong. I worry about that with the EMDR, and T keeps telling me there is no right or wrong in that. Certainly, with art, whatever you do is fine. Maybe you can do finger painting!! I would love to do that in therapy. It's something you just DO though I haven't since I was a kid! Long ago, I did a lesson with kids where I put on music and they drew what they were feeling. It was very interesting. I think I want to do more art therapy too. Can I come with you in your pocket if I color quietly?

WOW, granite! This post makes me feel so happy Your T is so committed to making your therapy work...and she really GETS how it is for you! SOOOOOO awesome.

I LOVE sitting on the floor in therapy. T told me I'm the only person he's sat on the floor with (he sits with me). It feels safer and more contained down there. We don't sit down there very often, but I love it when we do

When I draw in therapy, sometimes T draws with me, sometimes I draw and he watches. We have done something where I will draw a line and he will draw a line and we'll keep taking turns until we see what picture we made together

ahhhh, I feel so happy inside for you

[Sannah]

Remember it is the process and not the end result with the art.

[granite1]

RAIN
finger painting sounds fun but dont think im ready for that yet.rain i just cant say what a feeling it was all of it i dont know why but it is strange.i have never had a T talk to me i guess when i was somewhat ok with what she had to say and not push me to respond.up untill now not even her.anytime i have had T in the past i have been heavly medicated or held by other staff.it was never ok for me to be upset or scared because of how i reacted.this time even though T was reading that awfull letter with my words in it.she was sitting really close to me but wasnt holding me down or touching me or forcing me to react to her.she was just thare i have never experianced that before.and it was the same when i was drawing.she didnt even make me talk about what i drew it was just ok.i was scared she was going to push me to tell her about what i drew.but she didnt she just sat with me and talked about her project and i was able to hear what she said.it would be so nice if all sessons could be like that.

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by granite1

anytime i have had T in the past i have been heavly medicated or held by other staff.it was never ok for me to be upset or scared because of how i reacted.

This is probably what is being triggered up then when you are so scared in therapy to talk? Does your T know that you experienced this?

[granite1]

Originally Posted by Sannah

This is probably what is being triggered up then when you are so scared in therapy to talk? Does your T know that you experienced this?

no sannah my T know very little about my past i cant tell her.she does know the home i was in for so long was for severly disterbed people.i talked even less back then.i was very out of controle.i think her getting so close to me freaked me out because i thought she was going to touch me but after i realised she didnt and it was kind of ok.but what i want to know now is i felt so good after now why is that feeling going away.i hate it.

[rainbow8]

what i want to know now is i felt so good after now why is that feeling going away.i hate it.

(((((granite))))))

Do you mean the good feeling is going away? Is that what you hate? You finally felt so good and it isn't lasting? If that's what you meant, I can sure identify with it. The good feelings with Ts have never lasted for me. I feel good for awhile, but then it doesn't seem like enough. I am hoping that the good feelings from my session don't go away, but you never know.

It sounds like your last session was a breakthrough like mine was. So of course you want that to continue. Can you tell T that you really liked the last session? It could be that she sensed that you did, and will act the same next time. She probably could see that you were more okay than you usually are even if you can't tell her. I think you can trust that you will feel good again, and again. Maybe not at every session, but it will get better and easier for you, now that you are doing the kind of therapy that is a good fit for you.

I feel like I'm doing the same as you. I finally found a technique (Internal Family Systems) that works for me and it makes me feel something in therapy instead of just thinking. We just have to trust our Ts, and tell them, if we can, what kind of therapy works for us.

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by granite1

i felt so good after now why is that feeling going away.i hate it.

Hmmmm, good question. I want to take a few stabs at it.

Feelings are not concrete things like a table so how can they last forever? This is actually a good thing to remember when you feel bad, that this feeling can pass.

Also, you have a lot of feelings inside that you don't like and maybe these boil to the surface and push the good feeling aside? Stuffed feelings don't go away until they are expressed so they continue to stay with you.

[granite1]

Originally Posted by Sannah

Hmmmm, good question. I want to take a few stabs at it.

Feelings are not concrete things like a table so how can they last forever? This is actually a good thing to remember when you feel bad, that this feeling can pass.

Also, you have a lot of feelings inside that you don't like and maybe these boil to the surface and push the good feeling aside? Stuffed feelings don't go away until they are expressed so they continue to stay with you.

sannah i agree i do have a lot of feelings i dont like at all but it was so good to accually have some hope that my T can help me but i'm kink of scared and not trusting that at all now .like i feel i'll go to T monday and i'll feel just as scared and paralized.T said we are going to start working on my being so scared.i dont see how she can help me with that.

[granite1]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

(((((granite))))))

Do you mean the good feeling is going away? Is that what you hate? You finally felt so good and it isn't lasting? If that's what you meant, I can sure identify with it. The good feelings with Ts have never lasted for me. I feel good for awhile, but then it doesn't seem like enough. I am hoping that the good feelings from my session don't go away, but you never know.

It sounds like your last session was a breakthrough like mine was. So of course you want that to continue. Can you tell T that you really liked the last session? It could be that she sensed that you did, and will act the same next time. She probably could see that you were more okay than you usually are even if you can't tell her. I think you can trust that you will feel good again, and again. Maybe not at every session, but it will get better and easier for you, now that you are doing the kind of therapy that is a good fit for you.

I feel like I'm doing the same as you. I finally found a technique (Internal Family Systems) that works for me and it makes me feel something in therapy instead of just thinking. We just have to trust our Ts, and tell them, if we can, what kind of therapy works for us.

rain i guess i'm really trying to trust my T that she knows that our last sesson was really helpfull.she knew how scared i was without me telling her,and she knew some other personal things i didnt tell her .i know i wont be able to say a word to her if i go on monday and she doesnt have my mat out with art stuff.but i know ill be devistated.

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by granite1

it was so good to accually have some hope that my T can help me

but i'm kink of scared and not trusting that at all now .

like i feel i'll go to T monday and i'll feel just as scared and paralized.

You probably will go in and feel scared and paralized. We don't change on a dime. Change takes time. Your good feelings will gradually increase and your bad feelings will gradually decrease.

I think that your T will help you by getting you to verbalize eventually all of your past trauma. You get this stuff out so that you can look at it and work through it.

[peaches100]

Granite,

Can you email your t and just say "I really enjoyed my session and doing the art work. I would like to try that some more."

?????

I think it's really important for her to know that this method is helpful for you! Otherwise, she might not know to do it again.

[Onward2wards]

If it works for you, I think art therapy is a terrific idea! I have been artistically minded all my life and am trying to make it a major part of my life going forward. I find every time I create something visual it is therapeutic to do, regardless of any other reasons why I am doing it.