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Old Jul 28, 2010, 11:45 AM
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jenniboom jenniboom is offline
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Hello, I'm new here, but this is exactly the reason I was looking for. My therapist is an intern and I have been going to him for almost a year. I felt comfortable with him right away and trusted him right away, which doesnt happen for me often. My mom and sister both say there is a reason he was sent to me. I dont feel like I love him romanticaly but I do love him as a person very much. Our therapist/patient relationship will be ending in about a month and he wants to talk about it ending and what this will mean for me. I told him I didnt want to discuss it. It is my way to avoid thinking about things until after the fact. I told him that talking about it wont change the fact that it is going to end, so lets skip it, it will end and I will move on. I dont know if I should tell him that the real reason I dont want to talk about it is because it breaks my heart. I feel like we are talking about his death or something. He knows that I feel like I am losing my bestfriend, but I am not sure if he knows how important a person he is to me. Would I be totally out of line by telling him the truth? I do not want to destroy our relationship or change it. I also dont want him to think that I am in love with him and this is "transference" It is my homework, so to speak, this week to think about why I avoid talking about somethings and why I dont want to talk to him about this ending. Please tell me someone has been in this position before, how it ended up and any advice.

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  #2  
Old Jul 28, 2010, 05:08 PM
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ECHOES ECHOES is offline
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All of therapy is learning how to talk about and think about the things we avoid.

Tell him the truth. He may already know. Attachment in therapy is healing.
He wants you to not have to suffer an abrupt separation. I hope you can allow yourself to risk what it is you fear and want to avoid so you can talk to him about ending. It is important and very meaningful to you.
Thanks for this!
mixedup_emotions
  #3  
Old Jul 29, 2010, 08:29 AM
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rainbow8 rainbow8 is offline
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jenni, I totally understand how you feel. I've had to end therapy a number of times and the feelings are how you describe. It feels like death. I would suggest very strongly that you don't avoid discussing how you feel about him, and that instead, you are completely honest. Your T is correct about needing to discuss how you feel before you end. Your feelings are normal and T probably understands them. Maybe he's an intern but he seems to know what he's doing!

I quit my first T without really saying goodbye. I was devastated and cried and cried afterwards. I had to see a couple more Ts to "get over" my feelings about the first one. That was a complicated situation so please don't think that will happen to you. I did go back at another time to say "goodbye". It's painful, but it is in your best interests to be honest. Termination is part of the process. You've seen T for a year and that's a long time. I'm sure he has some idea of how important he is to you, but telling him that is for your benefit, not his. You can do this, jenni!
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Old Jul 29, 2010, 08:47 AM
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mobius mobius is offline
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I'd definitely encourage you to talk about it with him. Avoidance works for awhile (I should know, as the queen of avoidance!), but it has a nasty habit of sneaking back up and walloping you later.

My first therapist handled our ending really badly. I couldn't bring myself to tell her how difficult it was for me to leave (even though I wanted to in some ways, because I knew we weren't a good fit). She ended our last session 20 minutes early. I was too anxious to say anything, and just sat there, kind of mute. She finally said, "Well, if there's nothing else to talk about, maybe we should just end." It seems like your therapist is offering you a gift, in a roundabout way, of honoring the work you've done together by wanting to take time to say goodbye.
  #5  
Old Aug 03, 2010, 06:47 PM
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jenniboom jenniboom is offline
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Location: Connecticut
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Thank you so much for the responses, I am having a really hard time with this. I met with T today and we talked a little bit more about it. He keeps pushing for me to tell him how I am feeling about this. I told him that the thought of ending our professonal relationship makes me sad. And that I feel like having a temper tantrum about it. I told him that I kind of put him in the catagory of a family member and just thought he was always going to be there, even though I knew that wasnt the case. I am afraid to tell him because I feel like he is going to think its transference or something. I really am truely going to miss him and I feel like I am losing my best friend. It seems so simple but I just cant say it. Nobody I know seems to get this, so I am thankful I found this forum
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