[growlycat]

Last Wed was my phone session. Did not go well!!! I misunderstood something my T said and it came off as uncaring...CLICK...I hung up on him. He called me back and I apologized even before he clarified what he REALLY said. The phone is so hard!!! Silences become more ominous, misunderstandings abound.

I called again that day in a panic--feeling disconnected makes me feel crazy!! He told me to go for a walk then email him what I was feeling. That helped. We have emailed the past few days --even though his answers are short, his last email was very caring. Finally, my brain is settling down.

What a strange feeling when I thought he said something unkind---it was like something in my head collapsed, the feeling of dominoes going off in a million directions. It scares me that anyone can have that effect on me.

When I went for that walk, I actually got lost in my own neighborhood I was so out of it. I am not prone to dissociating but I'm wondering if that's what happened?

My next session is Wed--a little worried because I only have 1 more session before he goes on vacation. Probably part of the reason I'm freaking out!!

Just thought I'd share!!

(((((((((((((growlycat)))))))))))))

Sometimes I think things in the T relationship are about 57849254 times more intense than in any other relationship. I literally almost NEVER get angry outside of therapy; I never have. But I am so...on guard, maybe?...with T, that I have been angry at him MANY times. Or maybe I feel safe enough to be angry? Both?

In the end, though, I think the most healing thing about my therapy has been the ruptures and the repairs. T pointed out recently that after each rupture/repair, our relationship is that much more connected, intimate, authentic. And it is.

Feeling disconnected from T is one of the worst feelings in the world for me. I'm SO glad he was there and you were able to reconnect.

It sounds like you and T are doing good work together

[pachyderm]

Originally Posted by growlycat

Last Wed was my phone session. Did not go well!!! I misunderstood something my T said and it came off as uncaring...CLICK...I hung up on him. He called me back and I apologized even before he clarified what he REALLY said. The phone is so hard!!!

Harder than online?

[growlycat]

Originally Posted by pachyderm

Harder than online?

Online I would think would be harder, for me anyways. With no tone of voice to go by, wow, that would be hard!!!!