Struggling with the Termination Process

T wants to review my accomplishments as we end but I can't, it just makes me cry. She wants to help me find closure and feel good about our work. She said she wants to do everything possible to make transferring to a new T easy for me to finish my work. The problem I am having is it feels like rejection and abandonment and cannot EVER see another T or stay in therapy.

T always say, “therapy will end when it feels right”, or “therapy will end when I do not need it anymore” and she “will stick with me until the end”, and now it is over. A new T will say the something but how I will believe it? My T said I will not have to start over, we can work together to get my story told.

I am not upset with her because I understand why I have to change but it feels so devastating!

I know how you feel. I've changed Ts 4 times, and a couple of terminations were easy and the others weren't. I never wanted to quit my most recent former T, and I couldn't imagine seeing anyone else. But when I did change, I found that it was not "starting over." It was different. but much easier than I expected considering how attached I'd been to my T, having seen her for more than 5 years.

I think it's important to go through the termination process, and to look at what you've achieved, even though it's hard. Then you may find you feel better about leaving.

I know that Ts say you don't have to leave until you're ready, and they do mean that, but life isn't predictable, and sometimes it doesn't work out that way. But, if you have a strong connection with your T, even if you have to terminate when you aren't ready, the gains you have made don't disappear. The relationship doesn't either. It's still in your heart, and is still meaningful to T and client even though you're not seeing each other anymore.

I do not want to feel better about it.

xtree, refresh my memory if you don't mind...why is your T terminating? I know you have posted about this but I can't remember the details.

I can really relate. Just reading your post is kind of triggering to my own abandonment/rejection issues

Sorry zooropa!!

We have become very close are having boundary issues which is interfering with therapy. It is not her fault but I still feel like a door is being closed by a close person, yet another broken attachment. I am not sure how I can trust the therapeutic process some where else if my therapy now which I feel very safe and cared for has failed? The loss feels very devastating!

Xtree-

I know what you are feeling. I am currently going through the termination process with my T and it is so painful. While I knew mine was short term. The knowledge and the feelings don't necessarily match up. After terminating with my last T (who was long term and also said the same things about being there throughout) it is really hard to trust again. But I'm sure it does happen. Or at least that is what I am trying to tell myself.

oh shoot, I knew that, sorry for my momentary lapse xtree

terminating because you are too close sounds like one of the most painful things you could go through, seriously. Terminating b/c things weren't working out, while still difficult, would be a lot easier. I am so sorry you're going through this. Will you have a relationship w/your T as a friend after you're done seeing her?

I'm sorry I said the wrong thing. It sounds like you need to grieve the loss of your T like any other loss that hurts deeply.